So it has been a very long time since I last posted here but the therapy that you can get is worth it ...
My last post was in April 2011 and I thought we "lost" custody of SS9 and SS11 ... who are both a year older.
What a difference a year makes.

In a year, I deployed AGAIN and in that year, DH found some deep rooted anger and didn't take the fight laying down. He shelled out another $3k and went back to court for the kids. He won by getting another judge - thank God for the appeal process. I say he "won" but it doesn't seem like it.

Tomorrow the children go to see BM for Spring Break which they never used to do until DH went back to court. But I guess he"won" because he is the sole provider on decisions for the boys now, he gets Child Support (but he deposits the checks into the boys' savings accounts) and we have the boys for half the summer now. Eh ... it seems like a win.

I am not as angry as I once was. So why come back to ST? Because DH asked me if I have "healed" or if I am "ok with the SM role now" and I think it is a constant process. I have days where I hate BM and am full of rage, but then I realize it isn't worth the toxic sludge. Besides, the more energy I give her, the less energy I have for my family.

I am thankful that SS10 and SS12 are sweet boys - for the most part - and that we do not live anywhere near BM. I just hope that the dividends of self sacrifice pay off and I was a good mom at the end of it all.

Thanks ST for the therapy and advice.