Desperate for change
I've been having a really hard time with my bonus child 9 (more than usual lately).
--Little back story-- We are a blended family and I have been mom to my bonus child since day one of me being in her life. Her bio mom made some poor choices that caused my SO to get full custody. I stepped up because bonus child was almost 5 at the time and needed a mommy figure in her life. I have treated her like I have all my children. Bio mom is now in her life again (no custody atm, just virtual visits). We have a great relationship with bio mom.
Bonus child and I have always had a bumpy relationship. She was always spoiled as a toddler. When she came into my life, I was one of the first people to actually tell her no to things. Which has caused majority of our issues. Here lately she has been extremely disrespectful to me. She will not listen, but expects me to allow her to be able to talk to me however she feels (she has said this). She calls me mommy (her choice) and she calls her bio mom by her first name (also her choice). She also sees her bio mom more as a friend than an actual parent. Bio mom is extremely passive and has many years of guilt so she tends to give in or isn't stern when she needs to be.
I'm at the point where I just don't know what to do. I have tried talking to her, yelling, grounding, time outs, taking things away, rewarding her with things, ignoring the situation, being strict with the situation, letting her pick her punishment, sending her to her room, etc. I'm lost. I've even been working on me a lot in the past couple of years because I am able to acknowledge I do tend to have anger issues and control issues.
I need advice or words or encouragement... something?
I do apologize if it's scattered. I'm 6mos pregnant and my brain doesn't like working with this pregnancy.