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SS is not without home

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

From what I have read from others experiences. Skids get to an age where suddenly BM no longer wants responsibility. Typically, when she realizes the skid does not provide any financial substance for her to keep her kid. Sooo the skid falls into the laps of Step Parents to clean up the mess of the BM and to a varying degree the Step Parents Partner- Step Parents are burdened with additional responsibility because their partner does not parent them or they are guilty or maybe both.

My Skid has been at his Moms since the end of December he moved in with us since the summer. It appears the BM has been probing my DH (for arguments sake were not married but its much easier to abbreviate this way) thru text with open ended questions channeling SDs Cell phone...he gets texts such as, "Sooooo whats happening with you and SS?" she doesn't want to ask the direct question, "When are you picking up SS?" For fear of looking like a piece of Shi+ as DH is going to serve her with papers soon. She knows how she ditched SS was wrong, but he is of no use to her, only on paper and if she can keep those dollar bills rolling in thru CS.

My situation with DHs Ghosts have been haunting me for several years. And I am done with being haunted by his past. I told DH that I can no longer handle SS living here. The Kid who is 18 very soon Did nothing...not a single thing. He didn't even go to school, gave that up. He only has a grade 10 education and his mother never enforced or instilled any sense of pride or responsibility with him. So where does that leave me, to clean up her mess by teaching him these things. I thought I could do it but after seeing him do nothing but go on his phone, laptop, gaming systems. I lost it and not cleaning up after himself EVER...not once did he throw away his dishes (I had enough and ended up buying paper plates/cups because I couldn't deal with the dish pile up. The point is presently SS does not want any help and wants to remain a victim just like his mother is. Feel bad for me because I am a divorcee BS. Feel sorry for me because I am a child of Divorce- you get the picture.

Perhaps I am selfish in not wanting SS around. But I cannot take the burden, the stress, the added responsibility- I cannot cope with him living here right now. I have been searching countless things thru google, "I don't want my step kids moving in" am I selfish for not wanting Stepkids to move in" - it seems more times than not, people are advising Don't do it. I thought I could make a difference but I got the same result. We live in less than an ideal situation but it could be A LOT worse. His dad didn't enforce anything while he was here. Personally, I don't think he can handle his son either, but again, its that being a hero vs being a dad- dad saved me from the streets etc.

This is where the title of my Blog comes from, SS does have a home BMs- I mean if she didn't want him she shouldn't have argued against the increase in CS DH had to pay and for DH wanting custody, suddenly 2 years later, shes changed her mind. If SSs on the street I may feel a little guilty but that's on BM she has full custody and didn't change it while SS was with us, but still kept receiving the CS as if he was there. So if I am an A hole for not allowing SS to live with us tell me, maybe I am putting impossible conditions on my SO but at the same time I am also living a life I don't want to with him being here...someone wrote on here recently that step issues only get worse as time goes on...from my experience- it definitely has.

Comments

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

i really did try but the allegiance to bm was too much- it was like living with her...he has a home to go too- that is my point...thankful dh is somewhat understanding

still learning's picture

Skid is going to have a real hard time making it in life w/a 10th grade education. His father needs to be responsible and make him finish high school, he can do it online and also get at least a part time job.

I get that you don't want the stress and you shouldn't have it. His parents need to get off their @sses and take responsiblity rather than ignore him then pawn him off.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

yep...i tried, suggested a GED his reply he cant do online work...this is bms problem, dhs to an extent but bm has full custody...time to reap what is sewn.

Acratopotes's picture

Please explain this to me.......

When you have such a person in your house, not doing anything and only sit in front of gaming screens the whole day, why not simply remove it, cut the internet, or do not supply a password for said person..... why tolerate this?

I can guarantee you, with nothing to do in your house he will move back to mummy, you say nothing you simply cut all the luxuries from his life,

He can earn it back piece by piece if he works for it.....

Why is DH still paying CS if skid is not living with BM, why did he not change this the day skid moved in,

I simply do not get anything of your problem, I would walk into this little snots room and take all electronics, change the internet password and say, sorry kiddo, first show me the GED certificate then you might get this back, and hell NO, no internet to do it online, he can simply do it like it was done before internet, actual books and working for it. If that is not possible, my internet will only allow GED course and nothing more,

Harry's picture

Be a door mat ..... Then vent? Cut all electronics off, no internet, no gaming system, ect. Stop paying CS if SS is living with you
Stop venting and do something, anything.

Cara1128's picture

I second/third the cutting off of electronics.
Sit down with hubs and tell him to filr for cs adjustment now.
Come up with house rules.(getting of ged full time job etc)
If rules are not followed for a specific amount of time then eviction(make it a contract signed by you guys and him).

justmakingthebest's picture

So, as a minor he quit school with his parents permission? Or did he drop out and they were unaware? Did he get kicked out? Where I live, parents can be arrested for minor kids dropping out of school! I can't fathom letting your kid drop out of HS. He shouldn't have a choice about his GED. Get it now, or live on the freaking streets. That would be my response as a parent. Not even step-parent. I am so disgusted that you even have to deal with that!

I truly believe that most things when it comes to marriage and raising kids can be worked out through compromise. HOWEVER this would be a line in the sand for me. The only compromise I would be willing to make is that he was getting his GED within X months (I don't know how long it typically takes) and that he has a full time job. The end. That would be the only way he got into the house. I would have him sign a contract stating such with both of you and if he failed he was out. Gone. Not coming back. Sorry SS is now homeless. No Do-overs or extensions.

secret's picture

My plan for my kids - contribute, or GTFO.

As an adult, they will have responsibilities - if they can't act like an adult in MY home, then they are free to get their OWN home.

Easy.

Just because I'm their mom doesn't mean they can use my wallet as their own... nor does it mean they can use my things as their own... including my tv, internet etc... I can always get those disconnected, put my tv etc in storage... whatever.