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Would you change your name?

TheBrightSide's picture

Did the ex revert back to her maiden name after the divorce?

Would you if you were the Ex?

Comments

sweetthing's picture

the divorce was finalized, but I didn't have children.

DH's ex kept his name & because they have children. I feel that was important because she & the children have the same last name. I would do the same if we divorced so that my son & I had the same name too.

My aunt who divorced almost 25 years ago kept her ex's last name because her maiden name got mispronounced a lot & she preferred her married name. They never had kids & I don't guess it bothered her ex either.

gertrude's picture

Don't have kids. Won't be having kids, it is a little too late. This is my first marriage. Ex - took her old name back - doesn't match my SD's last name, don't know if it matches her first kid's last name. Don't really care, she's a martian.

If I had kids, I would want the same last name as my kids.

MamaTracy's picture

My husband's ex has three children by three dads. The youngest is my husband's. So she has never wanted the last name of her children anyways. At the divorce hearing she told the judge that she wanted to take back her maiden name and he granted it. As of now she still hasn't changed her last name. She always has an excuse as to why it hasn't been done yet. And it's been over a year since the divorce. We still keep asking her when she is going to change it. I think she should just out of respect for my husband since she did cheat on him in his own home. But like most of the exes, she is a whack job.

sarahbernheart's picture

I was 20 when I got married and divorced at 38 so was his last name was his last name for almost half my life plus we had two sons still in school and I wanted us to have the same last name.

so now I have to ask myself at being this name for 23 yrs when I marry should I go to my maiden name keep this name or take my FH name..
decisions decisions..

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Dawn-Moderator's picture

The ex and my Dh were never married so she never had his last name. The ex did marry a guy, then he died. She kept this guys name after he died. Then the ex had a child with her next boyfriend but they never married. So, the ex has one name, my ss has Dh's name and the ex's 4 year old has the name of the child's father.

I will say one thing. It makes Bm spit nails that everybody assumes I'm ss's mother because we have the same last name. They all wonder who this other woman is with the different last name. You'd think that these days people wouldn't assume but they do. I don't really blame her for getting upset about it but she's the one that kept having kids with different men that she wasn't married to. It's not my fault!

This is the first marriage for both Dh and I. We have no kids together and none are planned. I would seriously consider taking back my maiden name I think if we were no longer together.

Dawn

Colorado Girl's picture

I've never changed my last name. My oldest son was born a month after my 18th birthday, him and I share my maiden name. My younger son has his dad's last name. I've kept my maiden name because of my oldest son and until he's of age, I don't think I'll change it.

BM and the girls have my husband's last name. It's a very unique last name and I'm not going to lie to you, it really does bother me that she has it and I do not. She tried to change her name during the divorce to her BF at the time's last name, but the judge would only allow her to change it back to her maiden name and she chose not to.

My hope is that she will remarry and change it then.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Stepmom_C's picture

Our crazy BM did get married a couple weeks ago and the first thing DH said was "it's about damn time I got my name back!" Funny thing is it ALWAYS bothered me and I never said a word to him about it but he felt the same Smile

TheSaneOne's picture

The first ex still has OUR last name (very unique name) - that doesn't bother me, she isn't even in the picture anyway. THe secomd evil, crazy BB...get this, she kept his name, married another guy and used his name for the three months they were together but never changed her email and always emails us from her C____ account (we have the same initials)
Now that her husband is gone she uses my husbands name again and she isn't even divorced.
It does bother me at time, but none the less, I am Mrs. T and she will never be again.

Wifi's picture

My H's ex kept her married name. They have three children together, so I understand. But I didn't like having the same name as her.

So she gets remarried right, and still keeps my H's last name? WTF!!!!! is what I say. - She says it is because she is a "writer" (she has only published one book)- She has a baby with her new H and is considering having another with him. And all the while... using our last name. For a while there she was not sure what last name to give to her baby, or whether they would combine the names for her "new" kids. But they finally settled on giving her baby, her H's last name (as it should be). But seriously she needs to lose our last name. And take her H's and their baby's name.

And I still do not like it that we still have the same name!!!!!!!

I say she will never change it because she will always want a connection to my H. Whom I think she is still in love with.

Wifi

smurfy1smile's picture

I change back to my maiden name to match my kids including the one born while I was still married. We were seperated when my youngest was born so I gave her my maiden name to match her siblings and mine after the divorce.

My SO's ex kept his name. Reason: to keep the good name she got while married to my SO. Yes, they have a child, born after they were seperated for 9 months. She had him removed before she knew she was pregnant. BM's family does not have the greatest reputation per say.

If BM asked for a name change in the divorce, she should start using that name as soon as the divorce is final. I was told by my lawyer, I could use my maiden name as long as I was not evading the law. So I did.

Sasha's picture

After my divorce I kept my married name, even though we never had any children, simply because my father's side of the family are nothing but scumbags and I didn't want anyone associating me with those people. Even now when people ask me my maiden name I say let's not go there...

ColorMeGone2's picture

DH's ex had hyphenated when they were married, so she just kept that until she remarried, which was like two months after their divorce was finalized. I did not take my maiden name back, either, because I have a child from my first marriage. His bio father waived his rights and I didn't want my child to be the only "Smith" in his family, so I decided to keep being a "Smith," too, for him. Eventually, my new husband adopted him, so he carries my new last name, just like all his sibs. I would have taken my maiden name back if I hadn't had a child, though.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

Mrs Katch 22's picture

Is it weird (for bio mom) if bio mom has a different last name than her daughter/son?

SUNFLOWERGRL's picture

At the moment I still have my ex's last name because my ID and everything matches the kids school records and i didnt want to change it back to my maiden name until i got all of that straightened out. As for my fiances ex wife, she never even changed her name to his last name. They were married for 3 months before they split up and then the divorce was about 9 months or so. SO she never really had a chance. Which is great for me because I would be the first girl to carry his name. Even though not legally because she was his wife first but because she never used it and they were married such a short time..in my mind it doesnt count Smile

"Just because you can give birth, doesn't mean you should"

Gmama's picture

I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce,
i'm proud of my name , this is who i am and why i am who i am.
i've been married for almost 2 years and guess what, i still have my maiden name. my husband gives crap every once in a while (especially if we are at a wedding) but i think in some little way hes kinda proud of me because i'm proud of my self!!!!!!!!!!

Most Evil's picture

I like my married name, it is easier to say and I don't have to spell it every time like my maiden name. But my maiden name is a really old family name here and I am proud of it. So I probably would go back to my maiden name. We have no kids together and won't.

The thing is when you change your name none of your old friends can find you anymore. If I went back to maiden name though, there is a stalker ex that STILL tries to contact me from 20 years ago. This way I can hide!

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

skyisfalling's picture

Hmm, I don't know if FHs ex will change her name when she remarries, I kind of hope she does because the last thing I want is to have the same last name as her. Blah.

But knowing that she's evil she will probably try to keep it just in despite of me. That b****. I am sure her FH will have a problem with that though, so maybe I have nothing to worry about after all.

But if I were the EX, I would change mine back to my Maiden name.

"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."

ColorMeGone2's picture

I would keep it. Not because it's my husband's name, but because it's my children's name.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

smurfy1smile's picture

I will have 2 last names, my maiden and his since our daughter uses both now but not hypenated. My 3 kids have 2 first names so hyphenating would be a little weird.

Gwen's picture

The ex did not change her name at first. I understood, but at the same time it also bothered me. I did not take DH's last name when we married, for various reasons -- I wanted to, but it just wouldn't work. Anyway, it bothered me a little that *she* had DH's family name, and I did not, but on the scale of things that bothered me about BM, that was pretty far down! But, she switched back to her maiden name when she started dating her now-current DH, and kept it after marriage. I think because his last name is complicated Smile

And *thank god* the mail *finally* stopped coming to "Mrs. BM first name DH last name" -- we don't even live in the house they lived in, it would get forwarded!!! arrrrggghhh. Now sometimes it comes to "Gwen DH last name" which makes me smile big.

I would change my last name if I was the ex. It's very common in my experience (Northern California) to have kids with different names than their moms.

To each her own!

klinder180's picture

My ex wife kept "my" last name till she married Gary. That was one of the happiest moments when she no longer had my last name. Hasn't seemed to effect my daughter one way or the other. We get along now though and I have respect for her as a mother so it really wouldn't have bothered me (now).

The ex girlfriend had been married once before she married her last ex. She took the first husband's name. Then went back to maiden name (no children). Then when she married Luke she took his name, but while married hyphenated it. Then after divorce went back to her maiden name. Kids still had her ex husband's last name.

I remember some parents and other kids at their school were confused about it. I don't think it effected her boys one way or the other. Negative or positive. She had indicated that she would not take my last name if we had married, I guess I was okay with that but there is still a part of me that is old fashioned. ie "You took the first two husbands last name, and your name now is not the kids last name, but you won't take my last name?"

Her ex husband's last name is a pretty complicated german name. So was my ex wife's last name. Mine is about as straightforward as they come, but lots of times people throw an extra "n" or "e" but it still sounds the same. I would say that most of the single mothers here do not go back to their maiden name (if a divorce occurs and there are no kids then they go back to their maiden names) but the feeling is that you keep the same name as the kids.

Sasha's picture

Which really surprises me. I mean, she professes to have so much hatred and contempt for him, so makes me wonder why she would want to keep anything that remotely reminds her of him. They have been divorced three times longer than they were married. Yeah, they have two kids but both are almost adults now. Heck, I'm surprised the kids want to keep his last name too, because they also say they hate him. It doesn't really bother me that she kept his name but I think it would be freaky if she and I had the same first name. If that were the case, I would have to change my first name ha ha.

SUNFLOWERGRL's picture

Well, I share my fiance ex wifes middle name. Not to mention we both start with J's in our first name. Hers is Jennifer and mine is Janice with the same ol middle name of Lynn. Ugh! I have been waiting for him to slip up and call me her name. Its been 2 years and it hasnt happened yet. I hope it never will.

"Just because you can give birth, doesn't mean you should"

Georgie Girl's picture

It was easier for me because of our children. I was actually hesitant to change my name to dh's last name because I was worried how it would affect my daughter since she was in school.
I changed it and I am glad and my daughter is fine. Although for a little while, she wrote her name with dh's last name. It was a very brief phase.

Georgie

need2vent's picture

My boys were young when I divorced, so I kept their father's name.

What most people, if any here( and very few elsewhere) do not know about me is that I was married before to someone who cheated on me after only 6 months. It was his high school sweetheart, her name was Susan Marie, so is mine, so I almost kept his name out of spite, but what does spite get you?

I did however send a wedding gift with a card wishing them a happy marriage and signed "the first Susan Marie XXXX "I could not help myself,LOL Hey , at least i got them something they registered for!

One sweet thing is his parents were very diasappointed of his behavior and actually emotionally supported me through the whole thing.

gobbism's picture

I didn't change my name the 1st time I married and doubt I will when I remarry. I imagine the ex might keep her married name but that's her right.

My family name isn't really my genetic family name because my dad was adopted. I just like it. I think if I didn't like it and liked another I'd change it.