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Not A Family

ThatGirl's picture

This has been a particularly trying week with SS13. This morning at breakfast, he proclaimed, "This isn't even a family. It's me and my dad, and you."

Tomorrow night won't come soon enough for me.


LizGrace65's picture

Did your DH hear him say that? What did you do? What did DH do?

I'm sorry to hear this. I've been in situations where I felt like that was the case, but never had anyone say it to my face. Sad


ThatGirl's picture

I said, "You're absolutely right, I'm not in the least bit related to you." DH simply yelled, "Stop!" addressing it to no one. He then when outside, leaving his breakfast untouched. They are now sitting in the "family room" watching the football game. The little shit is sitting next to his dad in "my spot," when he'd usually be out playing while we watch the Sunday game.

ThatGirl's picture

Thank you, Robinsnest. It's hard, because he IS old enough to recognize good manners. The problem is that either he's never been reprimanded for not using them. Last night, he plopped down on the couch next to me and broke wind. I simply got up and left the room, as I'm tired of "picking on him."

LizGrace65's picture

DH needs to step up - or you're going to need to disengage. I'm sorry you're in this situation.


caregiver1127's picture

ThatGirl when I first married DH - SS who was 10 at the time came up to me at the kitchen table and sat next to me looked me straight in the eye and said "I was here long before you and I will be here long after you - I will make sure of this" - I calmly looked him dead in the eye and said "I don't believe in divorce it is either death or murder which do you prefer" - he swallowed real hard and said "Are you joking about this - are you going to hurt my father" and I said "Who is talking about your father" I then went on to say "I love your dad so much and will never give up fighting for this marriage so get use to me being here for the long haul" He never tried that scare tactic again.

Your DH needs to say something when your SS13 says shit like that - or it will only get worse - he needs to stand up to his SS for your honor - if SS sees that DH does not respect you or consider you part of the family what example is that for SS when he starts dating that he should treat woman with respect and kindness - DH needs to step up to the plate and teach SS that you are a family maybe not the original or real but nonetheless a family - cause once SS graduates and leaves the home - all that will be left is you and DH - I would say something like that next time to SS if he says that about being a real family I would say what about when you graduate and move out then who is the real family - your dad and I. If these kids are big enough to be nasty then they are big enough to have it thrown right back in their laps. Good luck!

ThatGirl's picture

Yes, I realize my response to him was just as childish. I'd had it with his disrespectful behavior this week, and blew it. I did manage to stop myself from going one step further and telling him that this is exactly why I won't marry his father until he is 18 and gone... I don't want to be related to kids who lie, cheat, steal, and are completely disrespectful.

Shaman29's picture

I've heard this before too. You're just Dad's wife. You're not my real family. You're parents aren't my grandparents (despite the gifts, money and cards they've sent her). I want to go live with my real family.

And now the little s**t is living with her real family. With her real family, instead of having her own room, she shares with her little sisters who are 7 and 8 years younger. She has a permanent, unpaid babysitting job with her real family. With her real family, her loving, caring mother is spending CS on herself. DH's kid is constantly having to hit DH up to meet her basic needs, because her real mother is too immature to call him and tell him their child needs these things.

So way to go DH's kid. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I only have to tolerate DH's kid EOWE, alternate holidays and several weeks in the summer. I make sure I'm pretty damn busy when she's around. Except for polite conversation I don't speak to her, look at her, touch her or engage her in any way. I no longer tell DH when she needs things and if she asks me for anything, I send her to her father.

Not my kid, not my responsibility and NOT my problem.

Only three and a half more years of visitation and then time I'm forced to be around her will be O V E R. I can't wait.

LizzieA's picture

Wow, they all use the same words..."blood is thicker than water" "You're just DH's wife" "I'll be here long after you are gone." Only I heard this from SIL.

I agree, have a discussion with DH about SS"s mouth and setting boundaries. And that you expect back-up.

ThatGirl's picture

SO did give him a lecture after the football game was over. Better late than never, I suppose. But I'm sure the child believe he only did it because I told him to. I did not, however.

ThatGirl's picture

Oh this is hilarious. Now he's in there asking his dad if they can order his XBox online. His BM gave him cash for his birthday to buy it. He is expecting me to use my credit card to order it for him (his dad doesn't have one). I think I'll just tell him to have his BM do it, since it's her gift.

ThatGirl's picture

He never asked. By dinner time, he started pretending to be nice, trying to butter me up. He even went so far as to offer me ice cream, when, typically, he'd yell from the sofa in the other room, "When are we having ice cream?!?" I think he gave up on asking me to order the XBox when he saw his act wasn't working. His mother can do it for him when he returns tonight.