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In need of some advice!

Thash876's picture

My baby mama and I are raising two boys my son which is 8months old and her son who is soon to be 6. We live together and much of her support comes from me . I pay more than double of what she’s paying every month and I’m struggling and she is too (work, school,) . She can’t afford to live on her own and I can’t afford to move somewhere else pay rent there and still give her money to afford to live. BUT I AM TIRED! I am tired of putting up with her hard headed, undisciplined and disrespectful son. He doesn’t listen and she’s does the bare minimum to make him. He’s always testing me and pushing my buttons saying things to get me to react in a negative way. All she does his threaten him but never follow through. Punishment is a joke to him. His dad is in his life but he baby’s him as if it’s his daughter, not his son. Like I said before In another blog, he has caused tension between me and his dad because he doesn’t know how to follow the house rules and I punish him for it by making him go to his room or turning of the game. He gets on his iPad and calls his dad with this puppy dog face and convinces his dad that I being mean to him. And his dad falls for it with no communication with me , just a talk from a 5 year old kid. 

On top of that me and my gf are rocky. We can’t learn to communicate properly and I don’t trust her 100% & vice versa. We literally have on big argument every month and on resulted in her punching me in the face multiple times. I love her but we just can’t seem to get on the same page. I want this family thing to work out but I can’t keep coming home feeling the way I feel in my own house. Not to mention I’m the main one cooking, cleaning and paying majority of the bills. 

She doesn’t even do anything to try to maintain the relationship. Whenever she gets extra time/money it’s never invested into us. 

Im trying to go detailed as possible but I don’t wanna wrote a book. Im lost you guys. I don’t wanna make the wrong decision and regret it or hurt any one. But I just wanna be happy. Im 25 and she’s 24



blessedwithstress's picture

...and one resulted in her punching me in the face multiple times

Wait, what? That is one unhealthy relationship right there. I've wanted to smack my DH before but the thought never amounted to more than a fantasy. If you want to make the best of this rotten situation, I highly recommend counseling. Easier said than done but there are ways to make it happen.

As far as the mouthy 6yo - I've got one of those. My son used to be a brat that pushed my buttons and clinged to his iPad like a life-saving device. Honestly, I think a lot of it is the age. Don't be afraid to be firm with him, but not punitive when it comes to punishment and rules. Screaming at a 6yo is like throwing gas on a flame. It generally makes things explode. Kids need to be shown, not lectured or threatened - at least in my experience. He doesn't do what you say? Fine, show him what happens when he doesn't behave. And if he calls and pouts to biodad, let him. You know the truth. My skids used to pout to their BM when they were that age too. One time I made my SD eat a bowl of oatmeal that she had poured too much milk in because  we were too poor to waste food. She grubmled but got over it. Couple hours later her mom calls, we hand the phone over to SD and she literally burst into tears on the spot and sobbed about how we forced her to choke down sh*tty oatmeal. *eyeroll So yeah, skids are good for that kind of BS. Let it roll off your shoulders and stick to worrying about more important things.