first time posting - looking for advice... how to be an involved SM
I am a stepmom of a 5 year old boy. His dad and mom have a great relationship... there were times when it was rocky and I think we all agree it is WAY better to have a team effort approach to parenting.
My difficulty lies in this. How do I fully invest in this child, without being able to be 100% part of his life? I see him as my son, but then something will come up (like first day of school) that my husband thinks its better for just the parents to be a part of. It feels like red light - green light to me, and makes me want to withdraw a little - I know this sounds so childish... but I have no clue how to deal with these feelings.
Also, to be noted, a lot of these times where it is good for just the 'parents' to be there - BM's fiance is there. My husband tells me its too much stress on BM for me to be there - that if she feels threatened its no good for anybody. Which has truth in it - she will make it harder on everyone when she feels like it.
what I've been doing is telling myself, just pull away - its not your place, this is for them. But that is crappy because then I put myself on the periphery. I dont want to just me his dads wife - I want to be involved and part of his life.
any advice or inspiration would be great... this is my first time opening up about this..