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Thanksgiving Nightmare

Texas_mom75657's picture

Well Thanksgiving sucked very much. Husband and I got into a huge fight. SD shows up and husband and I are sitting outside with others watching the football game. Grandmother peeks out and say she is there. Husband just runs in the house, no I'll be back, no kiss, nothing.

Before I go further, no matter if he goes outside to do something, to work, to the store, or to sleep, this man always give me a kiss and says I love you. ALWAYS!!

Okay, I let it go thinking he's not gonna miss the game and just leave me sitting out here like I don't exist. But he does....40 minutes later he comes outside after she is gone. Ugh.....what?

I the meantime I have gone inside several times to go to the bathroom and he is letting the little ones run wild and I hear him telling this story about something we done....except he leaves out the fact I am there when he tells the story. WTF.....so I get madder.

If at this point your wondering why read my other blog and you will understand how my SD is and what all she has done to me.

Okay so yes, I blow up when he finally does come back outside and I get told I'm acting stupid. That I got mad over nothing. NOTHING....to me no I did not. I exist!!!! Oh then his mom wants to say....he just visiting his daughter your getting mad over nothing. I wanted so bad to say it had nothing to do with that brat. It had to do with my husband acting stupid and like I didn't exist because she was there. I knew I shouldn't have went, but I am not gonna let that child pull my family apart so I went....I was just gonna take some advice I have gotten and ignore her and not go around her....so I didn't. Which backfired cause that meant I could go talk to my husband about nothing. Oh and during all this I get a call from my mom saying they can't find my son, so of course I am worrying. I can't go inside because if I do I will set of little Miss Crazy....so I call my husbands cell. He won't answer....I call it again he won't answer. OMG, yes I am getting madder and madder. No, my child is missing, my husband is being disrespectful to me and I am stuck outside. AHHHHH.......

AM I WRONG, was I getting mad over nothing? Someone please tell me?

Comments

SusiQ's picture

I don't think it's nothing. If my skids came over and completely ignored my existance, I'd be really pissed - thankfully SS isn't that bad but SD was and when DH would call her on it - she got even more pissed and basically walked outside and waited for her BM to come pick her up. She'd call her within moments of getting to our house - BM would just drive around our neighborhood until she got the call and then swoop in and pick up SD - oh well - DH didn't stand up to her and now he has zero relationship with SD.
Now if DH completly ignored my existance - that would be totally different - I think I'd be a widow.

Anon2009's picture

How old is SD?

I don't think you're getting mad over nothing. However, I do think you have to remember that if DH doesn't make any changes, don't expect SD to.

I read your previous blog in which you said she is bipolar. Is she seeing someone and getting help? It sounds like she has a lot of unresolved issues from the events concerning her mom, too, and needs to talk to someone about them.

Yes, she absolutely needs discipline but a lot of what you described sounds like something that can't be solved with discipline alone.

Texas_mom75657's picture

She is 16 now!

No she is not receiving help or therapy for the bi-polar. She is not getting no help what so ever with her issues. Most of the time my husband ignores her existence or just plane out lies to her. In one year he has seen her once.

I tried to get her help but when she was diagnosed dad told BGM you can raise her. BGM decided that I was her problem and didn't continue treatment or meds that she was put on. Even the doctor said she seriously needed it because she shows no remorse for anything and will not take blame for her own actions. That she spent most of her time trying to manipulate him herself instead and excepting the help.

donegallass's picture

It was forty minutes out of 24 hours. And sounds like you acted like a jealous shrew over 40 minutes. I would put you in the wrong, yes.

Texas_mom75657's picture

To those who stated I was being a jealous shrewd....let me say that it had nothing to do with the SD....it had to with the fact that my husband who always does a certain thing (Kiss me and say I love you) didn't. I would not have mattered is it was the SD or the president. In the situation that happened, I don't care who it was....I would have still been just as mad.

I also got mad because how can the SD learn that she can't run me off and destroy my marriage or make me drop dead if her BD doesn't make her face the reality that I am part of his life. He plays in her make believe world where I don't exists. That is not going to solve anything except make SD worse when I am around. I would really like for one day I can actually not have to intentionally hide from her so she won't start her crap. To be honest I think if she had discipline from BD to begin with and treatment for Bi-polar, she wouldn't be the problem she is. And yes it was only 40 minutes, but an emergency arose and I couldn't go inside to get my husband because SD would start crap (more than likely).

I do appreciate you being honest, thank you for your opinion. That's why we come here to get feedback from each other.

Texas_mom75657's picture

If I didn't have to hide....you bet I wouldn't be so on edge. I tense up and cringe just hearing her name. For Christ sake the child threatened to kill me in my sleep just because I told her she wasn't wearing clothes that made her look like a whore and she needed to learn some respect. It's really not the attention he gives her. She's his daughter and needs it, but my god it's the way it happens. No exaggeration she does not know how to appropriately respond to her dad nor him her. I don't think a 16 year old girl needs to be rubbing her daddies leg, sitting in his lap, leaning over with boobs showing to talk to him. He failed as a father but not teaching her these things and now its to late. FYI...his father skills were non existent before we got married.

I'm afraid this child will go off the deep end if I am around and love on my husband and seriously kill me. She has tried to stab someone before so I don't trust her.

MARLA_823's picture

I think you had good reason to be upset. Maybe just not good to have the fight right then. Not because he didn't deserve to be called out, because he did, but just because if you have a fight in front of someone they will try to get involved whether it concerns them or not. That's why mommy dearest felt the need to argue and defend her "boy" when really it was none of her damn business. Did your son show up??

Texas_mom75657's picture

Yes your right it was not a very good time at all to get into that fight. I think I was more freaking out over the fact that my son was missing and I was at home to look for him and all the other events combined just made me go off like I did. However, I still don't think by my husband playing in la la land with her helps her at all. My long term concern is that she can learn to except me and not go crazy and do what she always does. I could actually understand the behavior if I had done something to her, but to be honest all I did was try to show her a better life and be the mom she had never had.

donegallass's picture

why did she have a right to be upset? because her husband did not kiss her? because he did not pay attention to her solely for 40 minutes at a familky gathering and dared to pay attention to his kid for FORTY mins on a holiday?

Really? 40 minutes people...

MARLA_823's picture

If you wrote a blog about it I would answer your question. I answered the lady who posted this blog, you are not owed an explanation for why we agree with her. If she asks me why, I will answer her. Time to chill.

stronggirl's picture

this is a place to express our feelings...if she felt that way then she felt that way...leave her alone donegallass

Texas_mom75657's picture

No I was wrong and throwed a tantrum once he did come back outside. I was still trying to get in touch with someone to find out if my son had been found. So being calm wasn't there. Well first I gave my husband a raise the devil go to hell look and he commented what I didn't do nothing wrong. I asked him to step over away from everyone and talk to me and he said no I'm watching the game I could talk right there. I told him it was no one elses business what we needed to talk about. He then gets loud and says you can get mad all day long I didn't do shit wrong, now I'm watching the game get over it. Then the tantrum happened.

Texas_mom75657's picture

We were not in a fight before any of this and to be honest the only time we fight is over SD. Before there was no animosity, no problem, no nothing....just us as we always are. When SD is involved or around he turns into a T Total ass and it makes me go who the hell is this man, he acts like a teenager around her and not her dad. We made up but I'm still a little upset. I mean don't get me wrong we have our disagreements, but not no more than your average married couple. He's not the most affectionate man or romantic, but his mine and I love him. That's another reason why when there was no kiss it hurt, it really hurt. See that's my husband way of saying everything about what I mean...you know.

StepMadre's picture

You're not crazy! I would be pissed too! I don't know what was in the eggnog this year, but EVERYONE I know and love had a horrible Thanksgiving! H and I had a horrible fight the night before and my sister and her boyfriend fought through Thanksgiving dinner, broke up and then got back together at my house at 3am! The day before Thanksgiving, I had to watch the skids all day and my best guy friend is in town with us until the 1st and I was mortified and pissed beyond belief at the skids behavior. They were horrible little bastards and I was ashamed and embarrassed that they were being so horrible and rude to my old friend. They had just spent four days with BM and boy, you could tell! Inside, I was seething and barely controlling my anger, but as usual, I kept it together and stuck to our usual discipline methods, so nothing was different from the skid's perspective except that they got more time-outs than usual and had a crappy day because of their own behavior. H and a friend of ours agreed to babysit my nephew and the skids so my friend and I could go out for birthday drinks for my sister and when we got home, H was tipsy and got drunk after I got home. He loves beer and micro brews, but tends to drink like a connoisseur and rarely gets more than tipsy and has always been an adorable, sweet drunk on the few times he has gotten drunk, but for some reason he was super cranky and was being a jerk. I ignored it at first, but he got really loud and was on the verge of waking up my nephew and I pulled him aside and told him he needed to keep the noise level down and that he needed to pull himself together and treat me and my friends with respect. We wound up having a really stupid fight over it and my cats (who snuck into our bedroom, which is off limits to them, because they wanted to get away from the noise). He was really rude to me and I lost it and told him that I didn't appreciate watching his children all day, have them be little bastards and embarrass me in front of company. I rarely lose it like that and get really harsh and blunt (I save that for this site!) and I just reamed him! He was stunned and upset and I know he was embarrassed too and part of the problem was that he was just as upset as I was about the skids behavior. They took every opportunity to be rude and nasty to every single person that talked to them and it was horrible because my BFF loves kids and was being really sweet with them and making a huge effort to play with them and draw them out and they were just super nasty and horrible. Some of the worst behavior I have seen in years! It turned out that BM told them that it was okay to be rude to me and my friends and encouraged them so H and I had to have a talk with them about following BMs rules and instructions with her and ours with us. We didn't even go into what BM said because it is just appalling and they know that what she said was rude and immature (SS12 even said that!). We told them that no matter what BM says at her house it has no effect on our rules and that if they listen to her instructions to disobey or be rude at our house the only result will be that THEY will end up in trouble and sitting in time-out and not getting to play any video games! Anyway, H apologized to me in the morning and fully admitted that he was being a jerk and that he was sorry for everything. He also apologized to my BFF, which we both really appreciated.

It's been fantastic to have my BFF here for more reasons than the obvious because he is so great with kids and it was hilarious to see him handle the skids! He is a sweetheart and spends time with his little nieces everyday, but he is also a big, tough Alaskan man and doesn't put up with any crap! He called out the skids on their behavior and they learned very quickly to respect him. They aren't used to adults that see through their manipulations and call them on it and it was great. We have talked about the skids a lot and his take on them is exactly the same as mine!! He picked up on all the dynamics with SS6 and H and the issues with BM and SS12's issues. It's so nice to be validated and have someone else see first hand what I have to deal with on a daily basis. When we put the skids to bed last night, my BFF threw himself down on the couch and said, "I really don't know how you put up with this. You are a superwoman!" Smile

Anyway, this Thanksgiving was a doozy for everyone and I don't know a single person that had a good day. Everyone was really stressed and all the kids were on crazy sugar highs and the only kid that was behaving well was my nephew!

Hopefully Christmas will go better!!! Smile Hang in there and give yourself a break because I would feel the same exact way and I think any girl would!

donegallass's picture

Well you all can join in the cheer and fun, but from an objective standpoint, it appears this lady threw a temper tantrum because, to quote her, her husband failed to kiss her goodbye when he went into the other room. How is that different than any skid complained about on here who fails who thros a tantrum over not getting their way.

I am all for taking the side of someone rightfully wronged...but I think it is best to look clearly at a situation.

Your son was lost? Why was he not with you? why in the hell if your son was lost were you PHONING your husband from outside the house? wouldn't you, i don't know...go looking for your kid???

It seems to me you manufactured a whole scene to bring the attention back to you. I don;t care if the kid is attila the hun. she came to see her dad for FORTY minutes...and you caused a scene and a half because you did not get a kiss.

Texas_mom75657's picture

Well I could see your point and I am glad you have your opinion, but I think you failed to read all the details. I did not throw the temper tantrum until my husband was a T Total Inconsiderate Ass, I was calm but yes I did get upset (human nature). I could not go find my son for the simple reason my son stayed at our house with my mother and we were at my husbands mothers which is another town. He didn't want to go over there with us because of the SD. She has done some mean things to him as well and asked him to break me and my husband up. So he doesn't like to be around her and I wasn't gonna make him.

So, with the fact I was in another town I could not go look for my son hence the panic. And NO attention was not drawn back to me because besides my mother and my brother who called to let me know I was the only one that knew. That's why I was trying to phone my husband to let him know. You may think it is just so simple to walk inside and tell him but it's not (or should I say I feel it is not because of the situation). My husband is his sfather so I thought he should know and would want to know.

In the situation with my son, when my husband did not answer his phone for me to let him know. I called my brother asked him to search the woods and listen he may have still been hunting. I also asked him to go check my house he may be in his room playing his video games or listening to the radio. I called my son's cell phone and left a message. I sent my son txt messages. Anything I could stuck in another town besides call out the police. It was not until after the whole tantrum that I finally get a call back letting me know he was okay.

I guess from now on when I post I need to include every minor detail, because see before I threw the tantrum I asked him to come talk to me away from everyone, I told him my son was missing (he simply said well when we find him he is grounded), I asked him are you not concerned (not while I'm visiting my daughter), I said we needed to leave (I'm watching the game I ain't going no where), I said that game is not important when it comes to our kids you weren't watching it while you were inside (he said I was watching the game the whole time) - which by the way made me go, oh you mean you watched the game and played daddy that really did your daughter a lot of good. Yes there are many many little details that were not put in and I do apologize for that. And yes I know it was a little pet peevish for me to get upset about a kiss, but without fails for 4 years he has done the kiss. He himself had said that kiss is his way of saying he loves me and will miss me while he's gone and will be thinking of me (because he thinks the words are gay).