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Trying to sit back and not get involved....

tankh21's picture

This weekend was eventful. I sat back and let DH handle the skids. He tried to get me involved in their shenanigans however I told him that it was his visitation with his kids so he can deal with it. I just sat back and watched. Then SS lost his glasses in the ocean. BM was blowing up DH's phone yesterday telling him that he had to buy SS new glasses. So DH asked her to send him the prescription of SS's glasses and he would gladly buy SS new glasses. BM sent him the information of the optometrist so he is going to call today to get the prescription and buy SS new glasses online. I can see it now though. BM will try to pull some crap because SS didn't get to pick out the glasses or she will say that DH has to spend a certain amount of money on them. Does BM have the right to tell DH where to buy SS a pair of glasses and how much he has to spend on them?


Siemprematahari's picture

No the BM does not have the right to tell your H where to purchase glasses. The bottom line is that SS needs them and as long as H has the prescription all is right with the world. There is no set price or anything of the sort. Whatever your H chooses is what SS will wear. Do not leave any room for options and BM does not run what your H buys or spends on his own child.

Although all h@ll broke loose this weekend you still have to allow H to handle/parent his children. It will get worse before it gets better but you will see a light at the end of the tunnel eventually.

futurobrillante99's picture

Seems to me that BOTH parents should share in the cost of the glasses as SS is the one who lost them, not DH.

tankh21's picture

Apparently BM feels that since SS lost them on DH's visitation that he is responsible for them plus the CO states that DH must return all items when returning the skids from visitation so I guess that means he is responsible for the full amount for the SS's glasses?

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

If there is CS then glasses fall under medical, no matter what happened. 

For instance, if DH carries insurance and BM is responsible for out of pocket up to a certain amount, if she hasn't met that, then it is her responsibility. Usually then a percentage after that is met given to both parties. 

That is in place to avoid situations like this. What if SS broke them in school, does the school pay then? 

ESMOD's picture

I think that her viewpoint is going to be that she wouldn't have allowed the glasses to go into the ocean environment.  Or that she would have required him to have a floating strap on them if she did allow him to wear them in the water.  Of course if the loss or distruction were due to an intentional act by the boy... like stomping them on the ground on purpose... or if it happened at school where there would be a reasonable expectation that he needed to have them and neither parent is present.. then those situations should be split.

But, if there is a situation where the parent in custody of the child allows their kid to do something that a reasonable person might expect to result in destruction or loss without any protections... then I think it's that parent's responsibility to replace.

Ask me how I know that glasses and the ocean make for a risky combination.....  When you are on or around water like that... you need to either leave glasses in a protected case in the car or you need to wear croakies or some floating lanyard so they don't fly off in surf or wind and can be retrieved if necessary.

But.. GOOD for YOU Tankh on making your DH step up and take care of his kids.  They ARE there to see him, not you.  He made them... he needs to raise them.

twoviewpoints's picture

Who paid for the glasses in the first place? Was it a spilt pay item? 

My personal two cents feels the same type/quality should be repurchased to replace the lost ones. However, if the glasses are originally a spilt cost, they should still be a spilt cost now. Accidents happen. The kid could have lost the glasses at anytime or any place had he been with BM, same as with Dad. 

I would look into proper eye glass protection when Dad orders the new ones. Of course the kid wants to have fun and swim and if the glasses are not appropriately secured he will just lose or break new ones too. 

Does either parent carry eye wear insurance? If so, that should be used first regardless of which or how the parents pay for the remaining cost. 

tankh21's picture

BM paid of the glasses in the first place. Her DH carries vision insurance however she refuses to give DH the insurance information.

Harry's picture

kids wear glasses all day long, they have to be happy with them, you can’t have other kids make fun of him because of bad looking glasses.  It’s your husband fault 

ESMOD's picture

That doesn't mean that they have to be the same brand or anything.... there are usually a pretty good selection of reasonably priced frames out there.... they could also forego some of the pricey lens coatings etc... maybe not get the thinnest lenses that cost a lot more etc...   Unfortunately, the kid may have to accept a lesser substitute since he wasn't careful with his other ones.  It's a lesson learned that you will not be provided brand new replacements of everything you misplace or damage through carelessness.

I'm not advocating intentionally buying him ugly ones... but not necessary to replace them with a high end brand.

tankh21's picture

yeah ok Harry and which one of my bills would you like to pay so the skid can have expensive glasses because my DH doesn't have a job right now. The kid can be happy with a decent pair of glasses that aren't too expensive.

Iamwoman's picture

Yep. Get the cheap ones.

If I remember correctly, your SS is a preteen? It seems to me that a kid over the age of 11 should be responsible for their own glasses. This includes remembering to take them off at the beach.

My opinion: make the skid do chores at your house until the cost of the glasses is covered by his manual labor. I bet he won’t be so careless again!

hereiam's picture

Absolutely. It's not rocket science that one should not wear regular eye glasses into the ocean. The ocean is going to win, every time.

Does he sleep in them, too? Wear them into the shower? I mean, really.

DaizyDuke's picture

Listen as a BM myself, if I was that concerned with what glasses my child was going to get to replace a lost pair, I would be ordering them myself.  If she is demanding that your DH order them, then your SS gets what he gets and she doesn't throw a fit.  Well I should rephrase that to she "shouldn't" throw a fit... she'll probably throw a fit regardless. Boredom