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This past weekend...Need advice...

tankh21's picture

So MIL is coming on 8/22 and staying through out the weekend and she says that she wants to see the skids. I am thinking here we go again. Considering I blew up last time she made arrangements with BM and then told DH and didn't ask him since it affects our schedule and lives she asked him this time before making arrangements with BM. I guess my bluntness made it clear to her that she needed to consult with DH before making any more plans with BM that affect us.

So I have an issue and I don't know what to do about it. So my dad has been with this lady for 20 something years they aren't married but he raised her son because his dad was not around. Well he is 25 years old and just now started paying rent. I go over and see my dad on the weekends but I have called every time I come over and I am respectful to his SO and her son up until last weekend.

So her son has been really rude to me and walked into the door and slammed it when he saw that I was there. He asked me why am I always there all the time? I wanted to say something to him so bad but I keep my mouth shut for my dad's sake. Has anyone else dealt with this or have any advice? I just don't understand why he thinks that he has the right to ask me why am I always there all the time because I feel that I have a right to be there and see my dad?


twoviewpoints's picture

I'm guessing, but Dad's informal SS might have his nose out of joint that he's been asked to pay rent for the privilege of remaining in his Mom and SF's home and you just get to waltz in two or more weekends a month and stay for 'free'. 

Really nothing to do with you personally. 

At 25, the young man really is imposing on his Mom and SF. Three adults in the same home is tough. Kind of like too mny cooks in the kitchen. 

Your weekend overnights may also be crimping the SS's 'style' . Who knows, maybe he has to clean his room before you arrive, LOL. Maybe his mother has mentioned (in his presence of earshot) to your Dad that groceries on weekends are getting expense feeding two additional adults in the home. Really , it could be just about anything. 

Just be sure when you visit, the you do always ask before going, be helpful and offer to perhaps even take Dad and SM to dinner one evening. I 'get' you're going to escape the hassle of skids in your house, but you also don't want to cause troubles in Dad's house. The adult SS had no place acting the *ss and saying anything to you , but you may want to have a discussion with your father to make sure your frequent visits aren't somehow causing issues. 

I'm sure your father enjoys having you visit , but at some point your Dad and SM are probably going to start wanting their home and weekends free of any adult children. Just be sure Dad and Sm are both 'good' with your visits, and as long as they are, who cares what SS Jr thinks. 

Your MIL? Poor thing. I remember her visit from last. year.... she is a 'treat' to have around, Lol.  Too bad MIL doesn't stay in a hotel nd see the kids on time that doesn't involve your household and than part of her trip visiting with just your DH (her son) and you with maybe one afternoon a group event (minus BM, of course)


Areyou's picture

Depends on the age difference. I have a 24 yo SS and a 17 year old SS. DD15 is comfortable saying what’s on her mind to the younger SS but she would never say anything disrespectful to SS24 when he visits. Also is there a history between you and him? In addition maybe he was crabby and was tired of seeing you there every weekend?

ESMOD's picture


To him.. it's his home and as Two pointed out, he is even paying rent now.. so may be even more sensitive to the fact that you come as you please.  And.. not sur of the size of the home, but perhaps it means he kind of gets displaced when you come over.  And, he may be somewhat of an introvert personality... and having one more person in the home he lives in (sanctuary) makes it so he can't relax. (he's used to his mom and your dad.. but add you in and it gets crowded).

tankh21's picture

We sit outside mostly though during the day. My grandfather actually owns the house and was going to start the process to evict his mooching a** however my dad begged my grandfather not to so he told him that he was going to have to start paying rent because he wasn't going to continue to live there and not help contribute. I get it I'm in his bubble but then he needs to talk to my dad or me like a human being instead of slamming doors and asking why I am always there.

fakemommy's picture

Actually, if he doesn't like you visiting your father, maybe he should find somewhere else to live. 

Areyou's picture

You’re the stepkid/ stepsibling. Maybe they don’t want you around. Could you visit your dad at a coffee shop?