Always something...
So this weekend I noticed that something of mine was missing so I turned my house upside down looking for it. I asked DH if he has seen it and he told me no. I asked him if maybe one of the skids picked it up and moved it. I didn't accuse them of taking it. I just asked if maybe they may have accidentally moved it somewhere. Of course it turned into a drama fest. DH tells me well maybe you shouldn't leave important stuff like that just laying around. I told him well I should be able to leave whatever I want around my own house. He said well it's your fault that it's lost because you just left it laying around. I told him that the skids shouldn't be touching stuff that doesn't belong to them just are old enough to know better. I said oh wait you are right it is my fault for thinking I could leave my stuff laying around because you kids are feral and do whatever they want!!!
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Did you find it? Had the kid
Did you find it? Had the kid's touched it?
I mean, you guys are arguing over hypothetically whether the kids might or might have touched something.. I mean, you are set in the position that his kid's shouldn't have touched your stuff.. (when you don't even know if they did).. and he is thrown into defense mode...
I think he is really raw to the fact that you have a lot of problems with his kids. It means that he is taking offense at even the whiff of you accusing them or complaining about them. On the other hand, you are quick to go right down that rabbit hole of accusations against his feral kids. You both have a full set of buttons that you both are pushing on each other. It is not the kid's fault. they are only behaving the way they have been taught.. and allowed.
This is their parent's fault.. your husband should be teaching his kids to not touch things.
But.. then again.. if this "thing" is something you think a kid might be interested in touching.. then you probably SHOULD be careful about where you put it.
So.. you guys are both simultaneously a little right.. and a little wrong.
He won't be able to ask them
He won't be able to ask them until Friday night. I just know that I am not leaving my stuff anywhere but my room from now on to avoid these kinds of problems.
Unfortunately, you know your
Unfortunately, you know your husband continues to not properly supervise and parent his kids. You know his kids have not been taught to respect other people's belongings. You know they exhibit poor impulse control.
For all of those reasons, your solution is appropriate. Think of it as not being any different than child or dog proofing your home. You know that they can cause damage.. or be damaged.. so you take steps to protect your home and them from their inability to protect themselves.
So.. yep... important stuff.. tablets.. your purse.. cash... expensive jewelry.. all that should be securely put in a safe space so that there is no question of them having access..
Just like I can't leave a steak on my counter because my lab can reach it..lol
I get what you are saying..
I get what you are saying...but it DOES stink that anything and everything of OP's has to be securely locked up in her own home to prevent it from being lost/stolen/destroyed/thrown away.
OP, I have been there... but this, among many other issues, caused me to end my relationship. Money stolen out of my purse... thousands in jewelry gone...kitchen utensils....cookware...on and on. No consequences, nothing ever replaced. I couldn't deal with that. And, I shouldn't have to.
Oh.. yes.. it's definitely
Oh.. yes.. it's definitely not fun that she may have to be more aware of these things.. but her husband is the one that refuses to unferal his kids.
AND.. we don't even know if the kids touched whatever this was.. the whole argument was about what they "might" have done.. lol.
As to the second part of your
As to the second part of your comment "what they might have done".
When only so many people have access to the home... it can only be so many people.
In my case there were 3 people in the home. If my formerSO didn't take something, I knew I didn't - that left ONE PERSON. But rediculous excuses and/or blame on people that were not in the home AND did NOT have access were blamed. Just completely off the wall stuff. Maybe a ghost did it... random "traveling homeless person" that broke in (with no signs of entry) and only took ONE THING?
It just gets old and stupid.
I feel you OP. And there are no good excuses. None.
Thank you SteppedOut
Thank you SteppedOut
With this situation.. it's
With this situation.. it's just as possible that her SO moved the item.. or that she herself misplaced it.
i mean, it's just me and my SO in the house now.. and things just 'disappear".. the other day I got out a bra and then turned around and it was gone! After 25 minutes of looking I found it.. behind a wicker trunk. I apparently laid it on top of that.. DH opened the trunk to get his socks out.. and voila... lost bra.
things can be moved without realizing.. sometimes we do it to our darn selves..lol. Things slip under furniture or between cushions.. we put our keys on top of the fridge while putting away groceries.. or beside the toilet when we ran in to the house and had to "go" right away..then we forget.
Shoot, mail gets misplaced all the time in my house because my husband has this irritating habit of writing important information on mail envelopes.. then he moves them around.. so I don't see them. he threw out my birthday check from my dad one year this way.
Ive been missing a blue belt for over a month.. just found it in a bag that I knew I had looked in before.. but didn't see it.
So.. while her SS's certainly "could" have been the culprits.. intentionally or unintentionally.. her SO also could have been..or she herself might have misplaced something.
Sure.. it's easy to think the worst.. that someone else moved or took your stuff.. but in reality.. in almost all cases.. I have been the one who put something in an odd spot.
I totally can relate!
I totally can relate!
This is how I fixed it...
(let me say both my SO and I tried to fix the issue many times and nothing worked)
First I let it known that if it doesn't belong to you don't touch it. I don't care if it's as simple as a pencil to something more serious like money. Played up the 'how would you feel if it was something of yours' and blah blah blah.
But it's this part that works...
Each time something went missing I took something that belonged to them. Sometimes I hid it and then sat back and watched while they frantically searched the house. Even nodded 'I have no idea' when asked if I saw it. And other times I tossed it and played over the same ritual 'oh how awful hope you find it'.
After a while it stopped. Now I can leave whatever I want laying around and NOBODY thinks of touching it :)
Taste of their own medicine!
Yep and it works by playing to humans innate selfishness that needs to be nipped in the bud via parenting.
Fastest cure for biting...bite back gently but firmly and child will notice the unpleasantness...which develops EMPATHY. I know psychologists will disagree but it was their "parenting" advice that got us Generation Snowflake/Tide Pod.
The only problem with this is
The only problem with this is that her husband already doesn't respect her. He has taught his boys to not respect her. He takes their side.. every.. single.. time. Even when she is not outright coming down on the boys.. he still takes anything from her as an attack on his kids.
So.. if she tried to do this.. Two things will happen.
1. The boys will ramp up from occasionally "borrowing without permission" to outright theft and intentional removal of thigns that belong to her. They will do it for spite.. and to get back at her.
2. Her husband will come down on HER for being petty.. because he WILL accuse her of this stuff.
She will not get the result she wants by stooping to their level.
I agree
I remember when parents used to almost always parent. Not so much anymore. And as Dave Ramsey says, common sense is so uncommon it's now a superpower!