I can’t deal with my stepson anymore I am an above and beyond parent
My stepson is 15 and we have had custody of him for years over 2 years bc his mother is a drug attic and beyond. I worked behind the scenes to help my husband gain that custody and I buried her in adverse evidence. Was it worth it yes I saved this kid from his bio mom. I took on homeschooling of him and my 9 year old daughter. He has of late become defiant and he’s a good kid overall but I am at the point of giving up on homeschooling and have him attend a regular high school. My role in this kids life has been to take charge because none of his bio parents would and yes my husband guilty as charged. He lacks a great deal of parenting skills but I am exhausted and I can do no more I would rather be a single mom again than deal with my stepson anymore. I do understand my stepsons feelings about his mother but I cannot handle this alone.
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Bless you for home schooling
Bless you for home schooling this child! I wait for 730 every morning when my steps go to school and are gone for the day. My 4 skids live with us due to their mom being neglectful. She has exhibited behavior of a drug addict at times but we are not sure if its drugs or alcohol but 2.5 years ago my DH took custody of the kids. I didnt live with them until recently but I have been a part of their lives for a few years. The more I do, the less my husband does. I demand my husband care for his kids as I am partially disengaged. I still get the kids ready for school and offer to help with rides but I am not a maid or short order cook. I would force your husband to be more involved and pull away if necessary.
PS it's 733 and Im waiting
PS it's 733 and Im waiting for the last one to walk out the door
I think the seperation of
I think the seperation of sending him to school is just what you need! A break! Hopefully your DH can get on the same page and you guys can have him enrolled to start after the winter break. Seems like great timing to get him switched over!
I think sending him to a
I think sending him to a “regular” school would be a good idea as long as he receives therapy along with it. He’s lost one parent due to her drug use and as you’ve said dad’s not exactly the best. He’s also a teenager where hormones are going crazy. I think the socialization he would receive in a traditional or therapeutic based school program would be very valuable. I wouldn’t say drop everything and run.
You saved him from his mother
You saved him from his mother, you saved him from his father, and now you need someone to save you from him. He got dealt a crappy hand in life but this is not your problem and almost 100% of the time we cannot solve others problems especially if they're not our children. He has a mother, albiet a lost one, and he has a father who probably chooses to hide his head in the sand rather than deal with his child. You can be a huge influence on this kids life but it's his own parent, dad in this case, who should be riding in on his white horse and actually parenting.
Homeschooling is a wonderful endeavor but parents and children have to be on board and cooperative with the idea. I did it myself for a few years, it was fun but also exhausting. No break from my kids 24/7!
"his mother is a drug attic"
Hate to be the grammer/spelling Nazi but exactly what is a drug "attic"?
I personally think that
I personally think that unless the quality of available schools is really horrid.. that kids are better off going to school with their peers. Being taught by a person that actually has been trained to teach.. and has the education level to teach the subjects is preferable to a parent that while well meaning may not really be up to the academic standard needed to give the kids a good start.
There are also social benefits. It's hard to learn how to be part of a social community.. unless you are part of it. There are things that the kids will learn about relating to others.. by relating with other kids.
So, by all means this kid should probably go to school.. your daughter would also probably benefit. And.. that would free you up to do other things.. perhaps a part time job or something else?
I appreciate your comments
I appreciate your comments and my stepson will be enrolled in a regular hs next week to start in January I am leaving the enrollment process to his Father as I need to pull back from automatically taking control as my husband rather not deal with it. My daughter greatly benefits from homeschooling she requires one on one instruction and our schools here are not good at all. She is my last bio kid and her being raised with a firm loving hand she knows the rules and the undying love and respect she has for me. I run two businesses tax preparer my company CFO of my husband’s company out of our home. I am plenty busy I feel I have given my stepson all that I have educationally as it did benefit him greatly for he is was failing all courses when he came to live with us and two grade levels behind. He ended 8th grade with A B C D’s.? It wasn’t easy I fought with him tooth and nail. He did attend a public school with us in 7th grade and he was bullied got in fights and would fall asleep in class hide in the bathroom to avoid PE. They wanted to hold him back and he has already been held back in Kindergarten. He would be too old in 12th grade. With all that being said there is no other alternative but to put hin back in a brick and mortar school. I pray he has more success this time.
Does your H know how you feel
Does your H know how you feel and how its affecting you? He needs to step up and if placing him in HS is the answer for some sanity than why not....
Take care of you because no one else will. Peace of mind is priceless!!!
Yes I have expressed my
Yes I have expressed my feelings many times and his response is “I never wanted him in homeschool” well that’s a pat on the back more like a slap and n the face . My stepson had to be removed from public school as he was still failing all subjects he was bullied he would fall asleep in class etc.. He was s now at a higher grade level due to homeschool but he continues to repeat the bad habits of taking advantage of a home environment and falling asleep at the computer failing courses again highly defiant. I hope he makes it in his new school he has exhausted all his resources. As for my husband he is clueless how to parent but I can no longer bear the burden I’m exhausted.
Normally, I'm a big fan of
Normally, I'm a big fan of disengagement, but I have mixed feelings when it's the stepmother that pushed for full custody and even did all the legal legwork to help the father get it. While I do think he could have said nope, he didn't want full custody, I think the stepmother has some obligation to see it through when it was her idea to have the kid full-time. Doesn't seem fair to decide you are out when you realize you really can't save these kids from their genetics and their lot in life.
That being said - sent the dang kid to school, for sure.
Having this kid full time was
Having this kid full time was a necessity as his mother signed him over and a year later went into a drug rehab program without telling us she just vanished so we went for sole legal when we discovered where she was. My husband had no clue how to gather records evidence organize it file it. I felt obligated to help his son as I am a mother. I have just reached the end of my rope as I do not get any help from his Father and now that his son has become more defiant than ever it’s too much for one person to handle 24/7. He had a lot of issues in a public school so we had no choice but to homeschool him his grade level was behind by 2 yrs and I got him through 8th grade with passing grades and now in 9th grade he is back to his old habits. My youngest needs the one on one right now and my SS has become a handful. I feel I have given it my all educationally and I pray he is successful in a public school this time. Bottom line it’s hard to be a single mom in a marriage and to have a SS added to the equation. It should not be this way.
mental disorder are genetics
If BM is a drug attic and beyond. It’s very possible the disorder is passed on. This kid will get bigger and stronger as he grows up. Most likely there nothing you can really do. Get perfessional help, what that will do. But you have to disengage to a point where you can function with your Bio kids and husband. Understanding that SS may not be part of the family picture in a few years.
This kid must MUST be in regular public school. To get a comparison between him and the other kids in the school. You need time away from him.
Thank you for your supporting
Thank you for your supporting comments he may have some genetic inheritance of something. I have to pull back my bio child is adversely affected at times. I care about my SS I just can’t take it on anymore.