You are here

Calling all child support and legal experienced BP/SP!

Talesofthe-twofoldmother's picture

My DH has 2 children with the BM.  SD's 7 and 5 
Since before SD 7 was born my DH has written a check monthly to the BM, Every 2 years they sign a new agreement. 
through the 7 years, they have shared children  there have been a lot of disputes and threats but never any real attempts or efforts from the BM 

DH had a new agreement drawn up through our attorney for the BM to sign this year. BM refuses to meet to sign it, so DH told her to arrange a meeting with the court system so they can get something done legally for the children. Unless the agreement is signed or an order set in place our attorney told us in the state of Kentucky that courts only recognize his check as a gift. 

SD's came to us last year in August for the umpteenth time with lice and dirty, DH called CPS the investigation is ongoing but so far we have been told nothing to harm or jeopardize the girls have been found. BM threatened to keep children from DH, he went to an attorney and local police where he was told that a court order would have to remove the girls from the home and place with him until then he could not get his children from the BM unless there was cause to do so. Sad

Fast forward to today the BM is pregnant with her 6th child, the man she is with now does not work or provide for their children. DH and I halted all checks going to BM after she came to us requesting more money for the SD's Field trip. When asked where the support for the children was going she told us that she had to buy her other children's costumes and diapers!??? THAT WAS FOR MY DH'S CHILDREN NOT HER OTHER 4!!!

DH works out of town so he will have to take off time from work and now take from our budget for our children here at home. 
BM has called requestion money because her children are going hungry...
When we asked where the food stamps went that she gets for all of them she said she had to sell them for money for cigarettes.

Everyone I speak within our circle says we are doing the right thing by waiting to hand over a check until something is legally set in motion, but to continue making sure our girls have what they need clothes, shoes money for school, etc.

What I want to know and am curious about is 

WHY won't THIS WOMAN SIGN A NEW AGREEMENT OR GO TO COURT OVER IT, but continue to make our lives hell!???
Why threaten to keep the kids away from a man who actually works and provides for them and shows them a good life when they are with us?

My oldest SD told me last week that she wished daddy and I lived closer so she could have a sleepover with us every night..

A few months ago I disengaged from the children... but it is hard to remain silent about it and not be there for them in times like this...

it is like when they come with us they are shown life isn't just about laying at home making babies... we both work, we both provide and our kids are always clean, etc... I just will never understand this...

Why is the BM keeping the situation like this??? and why in the heck is the system so flawed!!! 

and how in the world do I support my DH? I don't know what to encourage or to tell him.. 
How does that work if he continues to purchase things for the girls that they need but does not send a check.

I was told that the custody/child support case could go one of two ways.

one... they would allot my DH 50/50 custody and request a probable cause and reason why the mother has never worked and could not provide for her children. 
or two
DH would have to backpay CS from the time he halted sending the money to the BM til ongoing.  

regardless id be happy either way... we keep savings for the BM's Children for that purpose I just stay on my toes worrying about how things might end up for my DH

We have been doing so good, and communicating so well the last few weeks i don't want the Bio hag to ruin this again.



tog redux's picture

Can DH file with the court himself, and request a downward modification (I know he doesn't want one, but it's way of getting his foot in the door). When they find out there is nothing being officially paid, they will likely order something.

Or he can file for a custody change and CS will go along with that, most likely.  At least here, they are two different processes.

Talesofthe-twofoldmother's picture

he went to the child support office and let the clerk put into the file that he pays an amount every month and it is recognzied that he supports them tog, however it doesn't help him with Custody or anything like that. We were told that until a court order is in place we are at the mercy of the BM's Shenanigans  

My intuition tells me that he will have to miss a day or two of work for this but I know in my heart nothing will be resolved until there is a court hearing. 

I just pray it does not hurt him with his Daughters... hopefully, the court will recognize what he is doing for the as a father and he will get to continue having them as he does now. 

I just also know that a court order would silence her on the threats and money requests as well.

tog redux's picture

Yes, the two are separate, but I'm confused - if they court clerk put in that he's paying, why did he have to stop paying?

And has he filed a petition to address custody?

MurphysLaw's picture

Wait! BM has SIX children under the age of 7???!!!

Jaysus someone needs to sew that up!

Talesofthe-twofoldmother's picture

Amen, hopefully, her lack of Contraception and work ethic will only help us in a CS/Custody case..

Disneyfan's picture

Your husband can walk into family court any day of the week and tell them he wants to set up court ordered child support AND visitation.

In my experience, when parents put off going to court, it's because they know that their outside agreement favors them.  NCPs that want CS handled out of court are usually paying less than what they would pay if they go to court.  CPs that do not want a court ordered visition schedule know that they will no longer be in control of when the NCP sees the children.

Talesofthe-twofoldmother's picture

He was paying based off of what the local CS calculated on his income... 

He is just afraid of getting less time with his children and the way we are currently doing things his babies actually get what they need Sad
I know its coming though I just dread the day when he sends the money and they are always needing again... 

But i told him when he pays the set amount required we cant do the extras... like he has been doing. We have children to provide for as well. 


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I can't stand when women use CS for their other children. Our BM used to do the same thing before we won full custody.  She has 4 other children with her husband.  They are on welfare and were using DH's CS as their main source of income.  One time she dropped off my SDs and took the CS check.  She told my DH that she was so glad he had the check so she could take her kids to McDonald's and buy her son (not DH's) a birthday present. Then she smirked and told DH to be sure he got SD new shoes because hers had a massive hole in the sole.  And of course, we did because it wasn't SD's fault.

Talesofthe-twofoldmother's picture

omg, I feel like you just described a moment in time from my own life! gives me hope for the SD's future.
It makes me sick that the hard-earned money he makes goes for other children that dont belong to us and a man and woman who don't work ugh.

If i hadn't been burned so much by the BM and situation i would have never disengaged from my SK's... its why i come to the forums to vent i have such a big heart id give them the world and i used to do a lot to help but i had a rude awakening months ago its been so difficult.


shamds's picture

because she wants a free cheque from your man every month to help care for all her kids, not just the 2 that hubby is responsible for.

she will make life hell because she sees your husband as so chicken shit for not standing upto her a long time ago and putting his foot down. 

Unfortunately not giving her a cheque and risking skids go without food is a hard thing to do but its the only way to force her hand into going to court.

if she calls with a sob story the kids are hungry, she means all 6 kids, their dads concern is just for his 2, he can tell her that she can hand over her 2 kids. If she refuses, report to cps that she contacted him that the kids weren’t being fed and she had no money.

from now on any communication needs to have a paper trail because anything verbal can’t be proved