Need some parenting feedback.
My 6 year old ss is in the first grade. He is a very smart & sweet boy but has really had issues starting this summer with paying attention. There were also some incidents with yelling & hitting his older brother. ( once because he wanted to eat & no one else was hungry) We have brought this up to his mother & she & DH have sat down & spoken to him with a few of the incidents during this school year...but if the school wasn't bringing it up she would not notice it or do something about it.
It is odd because she is supermom..always letting us know that the kids are first. She does have her first BF since divorce & he lives about 1 1/2 hours away & has three kids. They are constantly on the go, back & forth despite the oldest one having told mom he didm't want to spend every weekend with BF & kids that they were with her. That & it was wrong for them to sleep in the same bed together. ( that went over like a fart in church & somehow she thought DH was behind that/ he wasn't SS has good morales. That & his dad & I per BM request NEVER shared a bed when with the children present prior to marriage)
After the last incident at school before xmas ( Got caught in a fight in the cafateria & got sent to the behavioral managers office, this was a few days after getting in trouble for starting a water fight in the bathroom) DH & BM sat down & talked with him. He was punished & TV was taken away at our house... per SS nothing was done at BM ( even though her & DH talked about it. If he is being punished at our house & vise versa that punishment carriers over to the other house) DH also mentioned that maybe SS needed therapy because he had discussed with us after a naughty weekend that he was feeling bad still about the divorce, & that he was worried SS would be diagnosed with ADD since his attention span was not very long. She is very against this & said she wanted till the end of Dec to see if she spent more time with him if that would help. It is hard to have time alone when you drag him all over every weekend & the boys NEVER get to stay home alone with her on weekends. The only thing that changed is neither boy got to do swimming lessons this winter.
The boys seem to like BF & his kids but I don't think that they would tell her about needing to be home more with just her. When 6 year old complained to DH about it, he told him he has to talk to mommy as she would not like it or believe it if daddy got involved.
Monday ( after being with BM & BF & kids all weekend) SS got in trouble for not paying attention & be disruptive all day. DH spoke with BM when she picked kids up again he mentioned that they would be thinking ADD if this continues. She had gotten a mailing from older ss former teacher who is taking a leave & is doing tutoring & behavioral management services, perhaps we could hire her to help SS. DH was against that as am I... why would we pay someone when we should be working with him & the school. She also didn't think it was ADD because he gets good grades. DH told her she should go get a book on ADD at the library & read up as he was planning to.
We ( DH & I) have suggested he email teacher & have her send us a weekly report on SS's behavior. ( he will nIf he has a good week her gets points & will be rewarded for good behavior. Since we can control this not what goes on at mom's house.
Any ideas or suggestions. I know severeal of you have kids or step kids with ADD & would love your input. I don't want to blame BM for not spending enough time with the kids w/o her BF & his kids...but that is the big change in SS life. They have always been her world & now they have to share her, not only with a man but other kids. BM could say it is because we are having a baby..( I worry about that one biting us in the butt) but this behavior started before that and we have repeatedly talked with them that the baby will not mean we don't love them as much..ect.
Parents what are your thoughts?