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Husband’s baby mamma does not help pay for her child?

Sweetpea531's picture

My husband told me three years ago that he would go after child support of his now teen daughter, but when asked if he has talked to his lawyer yet he just says he is waiting for them to call back. He does not hound
her to pay for anything because the court order states she does not have to, but he gives her extra time and then expects me to help financially. If I don’t then he gets upset with me.  Most of my friends tell me it is no my responsibility and should not assist, but then I feel bad like I wouldn’t give a shit about her if I did not help. I knew he had a child when I met him just did not know I was responsible for financially helping with is daughter when his ex does not. Anyone else have this issue?


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Psycho doesn't pay CS. We have skids full time. I end up footing a lot of the bill. It's caused more and more issues over time. I'm now nagging DH.

He tried to get Psycho to pay 1/2 of her CS if she could do it consistently. She paid ONCE. That was it. And bitched about having to. Haven't seen anything since. 

It causes a lot of issues. Both for my sanity and others. i think I've come to realize. A lot of the issue I have is that I'm financially stretched thin, and she throws money wherever she pleases. Which then causes resentment when the kids go "you don't buy me enough s***." Which puts me on a rant of "WELL I FORKING HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR LIVES. WE WOULDN"T BE THIS POOR IF PSYCHO BOTHERED TO HELP SUPPORT YOU AT ALL."

Moral of this. You're only going to get more pissed off about it. So he needs to hound for the good of both of your sanity.

agitated's picture

I had the same problem with my DH a few years ago (my SD is now 16). Just so you know we had (and still do) have shared finances. Back then I was the one working 2 jobs and only sleeping about an hour a night to make sure we had everything. DH worked too, but he was also in school FT and could only work PT. BM wasn't paying a damn dime and he didn't want to ruffle her feathes. As he continued to drag his feet, I got angrier. I finally sat him down and explained that if he did not file for Child Support we would be separating finances, splitting everything by 1/5 and paying for our 5ths (him 2/5 and me 3/5), and SD would be coming off my health insurance. Within 1 week he filed. He knew he couldn't do it on his own while in school.

Maybe this will work for you too.


SteppedOut's picture

No. You do not and should not have to pay for his daughter. Refuse to. If he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, well, then you know why he was. 

Sweetpea531's picture

It was part of the agreement at the time she decided to give up joint custody. But she is suppose to pay half of sports and hasn’t. Only shows up when she wants to since she now has other kids and is married. 

tog redux's picture

His lawyer hasn't called back in THREE YEARS? Time for a new lawyer. 

It's not that you don't care about her, it's that you are not responsible for her financially.  You didn't bring her into the world, so why should you have to pay for her, just because you married her father?  You can buy her gifts, or take her out to do fun things (if you get along), but you are not responsible for her regular expenses.

I like what agitated said above - let him know if he doesn't file, you are separating finances and he can pay 2/3 and you will pay 1/3.  If he can't afford it, then he needs to get another job.

BTW, he doesn't need an attorney to file for child support.  I believe in most places (certainly here), he can just march down to the court and file on his own to request a court hearing.  They tend to make child support easier to request than custody matters.

Be prepared that the courts often don't hold women accountable for paying CS.  But he needs to at least try.

thinkthrice's picture

who profess to be FEMINISTS become equally RESPONSIBLE for their children financially.   Let them put their money where their mouth is!!!!  If this were an NCP bioDAD he'd be in PRISON by now for non-payment of CS!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweetpea531's picture

He states he has called two other lawyers but I think he is lying to me and doesn’t want to deal w the meds that is to come. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Yes, he's lying to you. And using you,so quit being a patsy. Stand up for yourself and your bio.

Time to lace up your bi!ch boots and bury a pointy toe up his deceitful, cowardly bum.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Separate finances. Not a penny of your money toward skid(s) ever again. Your DuH is USING  you! It’s bullshit he won’t force the skids mother to pay but manipulates YOU into paying for kids that are not your problem or responsibility!!!

Sweetpea531's picture

We have always had separate accounts and now that we have one in the way I told him he needed to get cs because I do not get paid maternity leave and all the extra money I make will be going to the time I’m off to pay for my bills I have like student loans etc. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Tell him that if he doesn't take immediate action in pursuing c.s. that you will be leaving and filing for it yourself.

You need to make him fear you more than BM and the courts.

2nd wives club's picture

It works because DH is now more scared to make me mad than BM. But it took a few incidents for him to get it. Make "pleasing you" the best option for him. Happy wife...