DH debating on SD living with her BM
DH blow up on his daughter this evening. (About time). He does so much for her it’s unreal and she keep taking him for granted. She skipped two test last week because she went to the nurses due to a headache. Come to find out she has been talking shit about me hand how she hates it at our house. Playing the poor me card to her dad all week because I blow up on her Sunday due to her nasty ass room. But it’s my fault her grades are slipping and she is being lazy. He mentioned to me that he thinks it would be best to just have her live with her BM. Reason this has not happen sooner is A. BM gave up custody because she did not want her living there B. They agreed BM would not have to pay child support or half of anything unless she agrees. C. She only wants her daughter every other week or to babysit her kids because it cost money to feed her and BM husband does not like paying for SD
BM lives in a 300,000 dollar house and does not work. Her husband has an okay job but refuse to proved for SD so the only way SD would be able to live there is if DH pays child support which would bee over 1000. See before he got custody they had joint and he paid 600 in support. All that money went to help pay for BMs old house. BM was dress to the nines while SD had on shity ass clothes. It’s better now because SD can wear her mums clothes. I think DH should have to pay support since they never did and he is alway doing his part on what she needs.
I feel bad but I can not make something work with someone whom does not want to try and help either. I have took a big step back and do not talk to her all that much. I do not take her to school or places and he stated that ignoring her or being short is not a good environment for her. And not trying with her does not help either that we have to forgive and be packing as parents. it’s been like this for years and every issues begins with her, I just finish it but I guess that is childish of me. I was tired of the fighting and stressing about her so instead of moving out I stepped back.
Being pregnant and having anxiety and depression before hand has taken an even bigger tool on me now. My anger is harder to control. So what am I suppose to do with out having to move out or explode?
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If bio mum doesn’t want to pay for sd and be financially
Responsible for her care and upbringing then she shouldn’t have opened up her legs!!
Hubby telling you to forgive and just take all the crap abuse etc is typical guilty parenting and no you don’t have to be like this always. There is a limit how much you can constantly forgive and accept before you reach your limit for someone incapable of change
I agree and I have hit my
I agree and I have hit my limit. He makes it seem like all this is my fault. Well at lest that is how I feel. He pushed the issue a while back about SD and I doing counseling. First I said yes but an appointment was never made and I have decided to stop being treated like shit by her and told him what is the point anymore. He has stated to me multiple times that I haven’t even been trying to be more patient and kind, but his daughter has. If I got all my stuff back and no longer have to get all As just a B average. Still be able to hange out with friends, not study and use the lunch money given to buy my own things ana be lazy around the house I would “try” too. SD is not trying she is just being extra nice to her dad because she is being sneaky and manipulative like always. I have a feeling today will be another stressful shit show because he wants to sit down and talk to me about all of this and has not said anything else to me this morning. Every time he blows up on her like he did he feels really bad the next day and starts more shut with me to make me feel like it’s my fault. Not this time. And since I brought about about maybe me moving out might help everything I am sure that will be added to the fight. Thanks for the listen.
I do not take her to school
I do not take her to school or places and he stated that ignoring her or being short is not a good environment for her.
Tell your H that you have disengaged and for your own health and sanity you are stepping back. You shouldn’t sacrifice your well-being for his daughter.
I was tired of the fighting and stressing about her so instead of moving out I stepped back.
You’re tired of the fighting & stress, why engage with his daughter when she brings you so much grief. He’s her father, he can step it up and take care of his. You are not obligated to do anything. You already provide a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food on the table, that’s good enough.
I feel bad I. A way because I
I feel bad in a way because I do not want to be like her BM whom does not give a shit but how can you help someone and try to have a relationship with them when all they do is be fake and not want a relationship. He is getting the same treatment from her but refuses to see it and states we have to forgive. So it’s ok for you to blow up on her but I can’t. And it’s ok to step back but I can’t. Because you do it out of love ana I do it out of “hate”? He has been ignoring me all morning and last night was very upset and sobbing. When asked what was wrong since it was 3 in the morning he told me to leave him alone.
Histrionics. HE's the one who
Histrionics. HE's the one who should be seeing a therapist.
I told him that a while ago
I told him that a while ago when I started seeing one last fall. He said nothing is wrong with him. We go to marriage counseling once a month but haven’t gone this month. When it’s good it’s really good ana maybe it’s all me on why these issues arise. I have a very hard time letting things go ana I do let little things bother me but now that I am trying to do what he says and just get over it it’s all my fault that we are having these issues and his daughter not wanting to do well in a school. I agree with a lot of women that its his parenting. He rather be her friend the parent and allow her to be like this. Sure ground her for stealing or lying but that’s not really teaching her anything. She knows once she is ungrounded she gets app of her things back. I mentioned about her erning her things back by doing extra around the house and not half assign it. That last like a week. And we had to keep reminding her. I do not want to move out but I do have a deep feeling that the conversation that will happen this even will result into separating. I am not going to go to counseling with SD when I feel there is nothing to be fixed at this time. She does not care so why even bother.
Why care
Let her move back with BM. SD is almost a adult. She has to make her own future, She made her choice to not do any work at school and fail, That on her not you. You gave her a way to make a good future fir herself, and she did not want it, So off to BM she goes,
Up date
Well DH talked with BM about sd living with her or even just for the summer and Bm said no they have plans already. Mother of the year right there.