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Any step moms out there that go to counseling with their significant other’s child(s)?

Sweetpea531's picture

My husband has asked me to go to counseling with his
daughter (whom is 15) to help build our relationship. I personally believe it will not help since she does not tell the truth nor wants a relationship with me. He says she does, but how do you say you want this when you keep stealing, lying and manipulating everyone around us to believe I am some kind of evil person. This has been going on four over five years now. I love my husband and he stated to do this for him and at least try. Any thoughts our suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

hereiam's picture

Haha! The 15 year old can go to counseling to find out why she lies, steal, and manipulates, but I would have better things to do with my time.

And really, I just dare my husband to suggest that I go to counseling with his daughter, as if I am the problem.

If his daughter does want a relationship with you, counseling might work for her to figure out why she keeps sabotaging that. Then, maybe at a later time, if it would benefit everyone for you to sit in on a session, that would be different.

Petronella's picture

counseling as a FAMILY, that means Daddee needs to be there too. Because he plays a role in whatever is going on with his daughter. If he thinks the problem is just with his wife and his wife is the only one who needs therapy, he’s an idiot.

Petronella's picture

counseling as a FAMILY, that means Daddee needs to be there too. Because he plays a role in whatever is going on with his daughter. If he thinks the problem is just with his wife and his wife is the only one who needs therapy, he’s an idiot.

not your momma's picture

At the request of my SD's therapist, I went for one session. She was 16. My husband (SO at the time) asked me to. I warned him that it wasn't going to be pretty and that I wasn't going to hold back from speaking the truth about the situation. He understood, so I went. It was not pretty or fun, but at the end of the day it was super cathartic for me. And it actually did help us mend our extremely fractured relationship. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I am planning on being involved in my SS's therapy when he comes here this summer. 

What does your SD say when therapy is suggested? That would probably be my deciding factor.... If she is playing daddeeee like a fiddle and saying that she wants you two to have a good relationship, I would totally play along. I would make sure that DH is there and just have a notebook with notes of all the lies, stolen items, disrespect, etc. and lay it all out and ask the therapist how to trust and have a relationship with someone who does nothing but betray any ounce of anything you give her? Say that you can't just move forward and forget all of the things she has done. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

"Sure DH, I'm happy to go help SD figure out why she feels the need to lie about me to others and what she plans to do to make amends and try to build a relationship with me."

Not sure I would still be married to someone whose solution to his child spreading lies about me would be to put me in therapy with them as if I were part of the problem.

notsobradybunch's picture

I went because it was my idea. I found a piece of paper where SD had written all over it stating that she wanted to die. So I went with DH and SD. We met first as a family and then SD went solo. I knew even before we went that SD probably wouldn't open up to the therapist but because of the note I felt we needed to be proactive. It was a cry for attention. SD went I think twice after that and then told GMA how much she hated the therapist who then told DH, so we never went back.

ybarra357's picture

I read your previous blog OP and you indicate that your DH pretty much foists his kid onto you.  Financially and otherwise.  I think HE needs to go to counseling to figure out why he's such a crap father. 

sunshinex's picture

I agree with ybarra357. 

This is just another way he is putting HIS responsibility as a parent onto you. 

Not ok. He is basically saying whatever is wrong with HIS daughter is YOUR fault. That is not the case. 

Unless you're an evil stepmom, which I haven't seen any indication, it is HIS job to fix the relationship between you two if he wants it to work. HE is the common thread between you and your stepdaughter. HE needs to figure out what's going on and what the best way to resolve it is. And that is NOT sending the two of you to therapy. 

Wilhelm's picture

The counsellor will be used to manipulative children. I would go . It might help the child see what they are doing.

Goodluck's picture

Wilhem dont be so sure that therpist CAN NOT be manipulated by kids and or their parents. Some cases a therpist can be very manipulated by kids AND a parent.

 

 

 

Sweetpea531's picture

Thanks for the feed back. I will suggest him to go as well. I have been going on my own for over a year now and have suggest all of us to do family counseling before we even got married. That never happened yet now he wants me and her to go. SD stated she is nervous because I do not forgive easily and that she thinks what she says in those meetings I will hang on to it and be mad about it. It’s hard to forgive someone when they keep doing the same shit over and over again, giving no time to heal. She tells people I abuse her and threaten her. I have pushed her out of my way but she has like 30 pounds on me so why would I risk all the things I have worked hard for to beat a child.