You are here

Imagine having to deal with two BM's!

Sweetness's picture

Well G'day there!

First of all, I'd just like to say that I'm VERY new to this and it's good to know that I am not alone. I've been quite frustrated with the BF on a couple of occasions feeling like he doesn't understand my position/what I'm going through. So, it's reassuring to know that there are other people out there going through the same or similar situations and that there are people to talk to!

Where to begin. Well, the BF and I have been together since late last year, although we had known each other a little bit over the previous years through a mutual friend before getting together. BF has been separated for two years but was still living in the same house as his Ex-wife-to-be as they had decided to live together for the sake of the children. BUT then I came along and the BF moved out and in with me. Now, this is where it gets a little bit complicated. Ex-wife-to-be doesn't know that BF and I are together. She knows that he sees me and that we hang out together but she does not know that we are living together.

BF wants to keep it from her for now as he is in and out of Court with the Ex-gf from way back. BF has 2 girls with Ex-gf, 7yo & 5yo and a 2yo girl from Ex-wife-to-be (as well as a 13yo SS). Imagine having to deal with two BM's!!

Now, BF is trying to get a divorce from Ex-wife-to-be but she is not agreeable at this stage as she is quite religious and her church community are telling her not to. However, in the past, she has wanted to get divorced and has told BF to hurry up with the documentation, threatened to leave, has even left on various occasions for days at a time. So BF can't get divorced any time soon, unless she agrees, otherwise, according to Australian law, you must be separated for at least a year which means living in separate houses.

Did I mention that Ex-wife-to-be is a psycho? We've only met once, in fact, we weren't even introduced. The 2yo had spent the night with us and I was driving the BF and 2yo to his parents house early one morning to pick up some Court documents for his Court case against the Ex-gf. (I don't even know where to being with that one!) Anyway, the 7yo & 5yo from Ex-gf live with BF's parents while BF sorts out the divorce from Ex-wife-to-be. And the SS, 7 & 5yo all go to the same school. So, sure enough when Ex-wife-to-be found out I was dropping BF & 2yo off at his parents she raced around as fast as she could so she could get a glimpse of me as she had to pick up the girls and take them to school.

BF's parents told her not to come back to the house after she dropped the kids at school as the parents knew we'd be back. Of course, this meant that Ex-wife-to-be was lurking around the house waiting for us to return. We returned and she followed us around the block. BF got out and they exchanged words. I was feeling well under the weather and sitting in the car looking horrible. All of a sudden Ex-wife-to-be comes over to my car dragging the 2yo by the arm and starts going off on some silly rant about how I'm not really a Christian and I need counseling and whether I was aware that BF has children from another previous relationship. It was as though she was trying to belittle BF to me. I didn't speak a word to her. I felt bad for the child, that Ex-wife-to-be would act uncivil like that in front of her.

And since that encounter, Ex-wife-to-be has gone around telling everyone that BF and I are sleeping together, that we were having affair, that it's somehow my fault that the marriage broke down which everyone knows is not true as they were having troubles and separated years before I came onto the scene. Apparently she can tell what sort of person I am from the clothing I wear - basically that I'm a whore because I was wearing a skirt above the knee and a knitted cardigan as it was over 100°F!!! And this is coming from someone who is 10 years older than me! I just can't believe the way she handles herself. Mind you, she could barely see into the car to see what I was wearing anyway and I was SICK and just in very casual clothing. I can guarantee you, that she wouldn't recognise me if I walked right past her or we were facing each other in a coffee shop.

I thought maybe she wanted to work things out and get back together and that's why she was so irrational, but no, she does not want to get back together, nor does she want to divorce.

So she has tried to stop the 2yo from seeing the BF as she doesn't want her to see me. But BF has had words to her and put her in her place. We just need to be careful at this point as BF wants to get her to agree to a divorce and doesn't want to be going to Court over custody of the 2yo as well! BF has custody over the 7yo & 5yo and is constantly battling it out or defending himself against the Ex-gf. I'll save the Ex-gf for another blog!

Anyway back to Ex-wife-to-be, she's just impossible. She doesn't listen to a word you say and even if you do reach an agreement, she goes ahead and does what she wants anyway. I honestly think she might have some sort of psychological disorder. She goes crazy one minute, the next she is ringing up to see how things are going.

The 2yo spends every weekend with us and sometimes we take the SS out with us too and as soon as they get home, Ex-wife-to-be drills them for any information on me. What I was wearing, what I said, what BF and I were like together, etc! On the weekend, 2yo was with us and she kept pointing out the nail polish on my toe nails and she wanted some. So we painted her little toe nails with a white transparent pearl colour. You could barely even notice it. And we figured, it wasn't going to hurt anyone and it made 2yo happy so we put a little on her. She was delighted. She loved it. Then Monday morning, Ex-wife-to-be rings up BF, what's this nail polish on 2yo's toes? Who put it there? Why is it there? What colour was I wearing on my toes?.. absurd questions! So BF just told her, never to mention my name again, never to mention my name to the kids again, never ask the kids about me, never talk about me. She doesn't know anything about me and it's none of her business. Everyone knows that BF puts his children first and he would never mix with someone who would put the children in a difficult position or influence them in a negative way.

So I think Ex-wife-to-be has dropped it. But I'm sure after the long weekend she'll be on BF's back again, asking what we did, what clothing we bought 2yo, etc.

Anyway, I might leave it at that for now. That's half of my story. Just thought I'd do a little venting! Lol