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I don't seem to do things right, or "I had a bad day"

Sweetie's picture

Well, I haven't written in a couple of days. My middle thru lower back have been stiff and painful because of the amount of lifting and chopping work I've been doing to get rid of that tree that fell over. I can't afford to just throw it away--wood is too valuable here in the wintertime.
Last evening was horrible. My husband's temperament seems to be getting worse instead of better. He snaps at me for no good reason, which really hurts me with his comments. I've told him that he is really out of line. And I am so frustrated he knows I'd like to throw a shoe or something at him. He said, if he did, he'd throw something back. I said, well, you wouldn't try it with me twice. See, I've already been verbally, physically, and emotionally abused before, and I am not going to be trapped. I don't know what gets into him, he is so stubborn, he comes up with these snide comments, "you really have it good here", and I am looking around me, wondering where? Because I must be missing something. So, he comes back and then tries to twist the circumstances and blame everything on me, and I said just drop it, quit before you make it worse. He has no concept of how nasty he is, but the one thing is, my stepson does. It's pretty amazing that stepson knows how difficult it can be. So, he went upstairs to sleep last night, and tore up two of the bedrooms because he didn't like the mattress in the 1st and linens (he was too lazy to even put the new linens on because I had just finished washing them from SS previous visit) so he slept on top of the bed with an old worn out comforter. I didn't sleep well myself, I was so agitated, and with him moving back and forth between the rooms upstairs, it disturbed the dogs and I had to contend with that last night. I don't know what I am going to do about my husband's temper, but something has to be done. Because this is lousy.
And I don't want to have him to anything for me b/c now he acts like it is a big job to help with the puppy. Of course, I don't want to owe anyone anything. Oh, by the way, my SS called tonight and wants to come for the w/e after his BD. Also, asked if we could take $50-$100 that should be for his BD and just give him cash so he can use it for a deposit to purchase himself a new motorcycle? And I'd like to know why neither of us can even get a BD card or even "happy birthday!" He didn't even tell my husband he was sorry that he missed his BD. So maybe I'm just having two bad days in a row. ya think? I'd like to go drive off somewhere....but I think it might just be over a bridge!
Actually, doing something like that is really almost a laugh and righteous to get a big joke on the people left behind who have just gone too far with me for too long.
Wonder if anyone feels like this? I'm not in a funk--it's just that my reality stinks!


Sande's picture

Everyone feels that way sometimes! It is helpful to remember not to stress about things beyond our controll, You can not control his temper only how you react to it. When my husband gets louder i try to get softer and ask questions. It takes a lot of self control but sometimes really works!and Kids are terrible about remembering Bd s ( if it is not their own(. My sister in law calls and reminds her step kids to remember their father. I know that takes some of the joy out of it but they still are kids even if in their early 20 s .And they always respond by bringing or sending something.

Find and do things you love to keep your sanity and find some joy of your own. You may need to seek outside help if his behavior continues.It seems there is darkness around you, and sometimes its hard to see the light, but remember you always have choices. Things don't change over night. Pray for wisdom and in time you'll see the sun again. I'll keep you in my prayers!