Need Advice for 19 Year Old Live In Step Son
First of all I have only been married for 4 months. I have known my husband for over 25 years. He is not a bad person I just think he has horrible parenting skills. In May of this year my then 18 year old step son had to move in with us. He either quit or got kicked out of college we are unsure which. I didn't want him to move in as we were getting married that same month and I knew it would cause issues. His father said he had no place else to go so we had no choice (wrong). Anyway, he has been here for 4 months (and is now 19). He works a full time job, but only has to pay 100.00 per month to live here. He is smelly, unclean, has no respect for anyone else, and a major slob. He will come in and make something to eat and leave his dishes in the sink or one the stove for hours. He doesn't clean up the counters, the floor or the stove if he makes a mess. If we are going to go out to eat or for a get together he doesn't feel he should have to pay for his own food or entertainment. He is ungratful and rude. It has gotten to the point where the sight of his face or the sound of his voice make me feel sick. I hate knowing he is going to be here when I get home. His father and I agreed that he could stay here for a year but he refused to give his son a move out date. Meaning he would say "you are not living here forever". I finally told him he has until March to get his own place, if I can last that long. The kid works full time and actually brings home more than I do. I keep hearing how he can't afford to live on his own not just from his dad but his grandmother too. It's really frustrating and I am starting to resent my husband for not standing up to this scrawny pipsqueek of a freeloader. Oh and did I mention I contribute about 9 times as much money to the house as he does even though he makes more? What can I do before I go crazy?
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I also forgot to mention that
I also forgot to mention that I have 3 children of my own. My oldest daughter is 23 married with two children and yes on her own. My middle child also a girl just turned 18 last week. She lives in her own apartment now, works and goes to college. My son who will be 16 soon is already looking for a job so that he can save money to get his own place after graduation. He also stated that if I needed help with money around the house that he would pay rent before he graduated. Not going to let that happen as long as he is in HS but it was still a nice thing to offer.
I know but one year is such a
I know but one year is such a long time with this kid... Yes he has friends but all of them live with their parents. And his response to that is why should they leave home when mom and dad pay for everything. In all honesty there is no talking to him, I wish you could but everything you say he promptly forgets. I do remind him since his father won't do it. He has lost his license now twice (which he has had for a year) and expects a ride to work 8 miles away every night. He works 10 pm until 6:30 am, and gets mad if you don't give him his way and make him take his bicycle. I don't know snickersgal I am just at the end of my patience here and feel trapped in a bad situation at the moment. Not a good place to be during the 1st year of my marriage. Thank you for responding..
spike you are correct I
spike you are correct I wasn't really given a choice in the matter. It was DH house before we were married etc. and he very open about that fact. Dear SS has more than enough money saved in the bank right now since he doesn't pay much here etc. He could easily afford to move now but because dad gave him a year he is going to take it. I am getting so tired of fighting this battle and honestly I don't know if I want too. I wish I had a weekend house to go too. I know maybe I will just get another job and not be here until after he is gone. Although I think my son would probably miss me.
Spike that is actually funny
Spike that is actually funny to read. I have a friend who manages apt. buildings and just yesterday I went to got a print out of their listings. I did this for two reasons one to make dh wonder and two so the ss would have them in his face. I have never met a more annoying kid/man in my life. I have resorted to hiding the pots and pans because he uses them and leaves them in the sink dirty. My theory there is if he can't find them he can't use them and leave them dirty. I have to keep count of what we have in the house for food supplies because he is supposed to be paying for his own food. I must admit I have had alot of stuff come up missing that I knew was there but he tells his dad "I didn't touch it".. hmm lets see I was at work, dh was at work, my son was at school... he was the only one home...okay so "nobody" is at it again. Thank you all so much for the advice I really really appreciate having someone else to vent to since dh doesn't listen.