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Tone Up Tuesday

sunny_skies's picture

No blood, a little bit of sweat, and a lot of tears

I had a bit of a messed up experience with exercise yesterday! It took me a while to figure out what was up with me. (I'm still not sure if I totally nailed it with what I figured out, any extra insight as to why this happened would be appreciated, I feel a little crazy lol!)

Ok here's what happened.. I had been putting off the idea I had last week (trying for at least 10 minutes of exercise a day). I'll freely admit I'm lazy, I friggin hate exercise, and I was also nervous if DD2.5 would actually *let* me exercise or just cling to my legs and scream like she used to.

So the first time this week that I decided to try a  workout video was actually yesterday. Yes yes I know I've been putting it off! Anyway.

I set DD up with my iPad in the kitchen, with a playlist of kids videos on YouTube. You know, the ones with colours, shapes, and annoying cartoon voices. I wasn't sure how long it'd last as she gets bored *quick* of watching videos.

I then went straight into the next room and pressed play on my workout video. I chose an hour long one as I figured I'd see how long DD would let me exercise. 

After all, my aim is for *at least* 10 minutes exercise a day, if I manage longer that's great :) 

So. 5minutes in, DD was still amused in the kitchen, and I was kind of enjoying the video, and I smiled to myself.

I thought "I remember how good this feels now" It all came flooding back, I remembered how amazing it felt to be slim, how happy I was and (yes, even) how great it was that I exercised regularly and was so healthy, and I smiled. 

Then the smile *SUDDENLY* cracked into TEARS?!! Like full on sobbing?!! I was thinking "Whaaat is going on! Why am I crying?!!!"

I forced myself to carry on as I'd really set myself to exercise that day. If I'd stopped just because I was being *weird* and crying for an unknown reason (?!) I'd have been really disappointed in myself.

If anyone else had been there, they'd have thought I looked like a total psycho, doing sidesteps and armlifts while full on sobbing and drying my tears on my tshirt!!!

But yes I carried on! As I was sobbing, I tried to figure out why I was crying and I think it's because:

1) I was watching these beautiful bodies on the video doing the (very basic/beginner) exercises with such ease, and realised I myself was wobbling around with all the extra rolls on my stomach getting in the way of my leg lifts etc.

2) I'm very angry with myself for letting me get this way.

3) I'm upset that I have so, so, sooo far to go, to get to where I was. I'm dreading how much hard work is ahead of me. It's overwhelming at times.

and maaaybe. 4) when I was getting ready to do the video, I dug out my old sports bra that hasn't seen the light of day for longer than I care to admit. I couldn't even get it round my back, let alone do it up. I had to just to put on one of my regular stretchy bras I always wear.

The most exercise I've done in the last few months is going out walking quickly with DD in the stroller. No need for a sports bra. I was shocked it didn't fit. Anyway.

Ok so I managed 15mins sidestepping and armlifts etc (while sobbing) before DD wandered in (having gotten bored of kids videos in kitchen).

I immediately tried to get a grip. (I didn't want her first memory of seeing mama doing exercise, to be mama crying as well!) I wiped my eyes again quickly and smiled "Heyyy DD! You wana dance with mama? It's fun!"

She *really* wasn't sure what to make of it at first! She frowned in a confused way, looked at the television, then looked at me, and really didn't know wtf was going on, lol!

I carried on with the video for another 15mins while she watched in awe at what on earth I was doing lol! 

She kinda wandered around my feet for a bit and tried to steal my bottle of water, (she's obsessed with bottles and undoing the caps, she thinks drinking out of cups is boring lol) 

Then she sat on the floor right next to me (I moved her up onto a chair so I could continue) BUT she generally allowed me to carry on with what I was doing!!!! 

I was SO happy she didn't scream and shout for my attention, and all the while I was saying "Look DD! This is fun! Yaaay" etc! Maybe it's because she's grown up a little bit since the last time I tried. She used to cling onto my legs and just scream :/

So I managed a half hour of the video. And I was more emotionally drained than physically tired .wow. Crazy experience.

I'm kinda proud of myself that I managed a half hour, but also weirded out that I cried through most of it LOL! 

I intend to do another video today. I have promised myself I *will* do some exercise at least once a day, even if it really does turn out to be only 10minutes.

So how's everyone else doing? Xxx

Comments

classyNJ's picture

Keep it up Sunny! As much as I hate to hear those things that went through your head and made you cry, there are alot of us that feel the same way! There are times when I think, ugh so much work to back to shape and then so much work to keep in shape. There are weeks where I do not have 30 minutes to even shower, get dressed and eat let alone change clothes and try to get exercise in!

Your DD is going to be a big help Smile Keep talking to her and showing her you are having fun!

sunny_skies's picture

Thankyou! I know right?! I might be totally lame but I find it hard enough finding time inbetween housework to even change my clothes that are covered in remnants of DD's meal is hard enough, let alone exercise lol! I will keep at it x

sunny_skies's picture

Thankyou Jasper x I think you are right with the child care thing/meeting new people etc but I kind of freak out at the concept of leaving DD anywhere, Omigosh. 

Please don't think that I'm going all GUBM and thinking no one else is good enough to look after my baby etc, it's just that.. 

No one else ever has! So I haven't had to think about it/experience it yet :/ I'm sure there are lots of great childcare people out there. I just freak at the thought.

DD has been an extra limb of mine for 2.5 years, not out of my sight for longer than a few hours. Even the thought makes my heart race. I have no idea how on earth I'm going to send her off to school :O

I still don't know what fodmap is LOL I'm going to have to google this lol! I hope potato does well with spin class and doesn't drive you nuts! X

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I used to pay for expensive gym memberships that had the daycare but they would come get me after a few minutes literally because my daughter did not like it there. So then I would take part in the classes at the work gym on my lunch break but now of course I don't get a lunch break at this job. We have daughters the same age, I think or just a few months apart. I am using a BOSU ball at home with a dvd. It was like a $100 but I think it's a really good work out. Have you ever heard of it?

So I fell off the wagon Sunday again at the Springs but right back at it Monday and today. I am not perfect yet but its a journey. I'm trying to find out what it is that makes me cheat. We ordered pizza and breadsticks from a very nice pizza place with a salad Friday night for when SD15 came over to babysit. We had a cheesecake for her birthday. I just ate salad. They were all supposed to eat the left over pizza and breaksticks and cheesecake Saturday and didn't and so sunday I'm seeing the breadsticks in the fridge and I think "these are going to go to waste. THis is wasted money." and I ate them and just felt sick afterwards with myself.

sunny_skies's picture

I've just been watching some bosu exercise videos, I'd never heard of it so looked it up! I must say I can imagine myself completely falling over it/off it and breaking an ankle or something LOL 

I'm so glad you've found something you enjoy at home, does your DD bounce all over it? Haha my DD would love it, it looks super squishy! She is pretty much exactly 2.5 btw Smile

I gota say *well done* for eating salad Omigosh I don't think I could've done it. I am the same too, I also hate seeing food go to waste, not only throwing food away but also the money spent on the food, it upsets me too much I'd have eaten it too :/

Maybe you're being too hard on yourself with *completely* cutting things out? Could you allocate a small treat per week? Or maybe even a *super small* treat per day if you think you'd feel ok with it? Or maybe even every two days.

Then you'd know that your treat was a scheduled part of your eating plan. "Ok I've had my treat for the day/week, now I can concentrate on being good the rest of the day/week. That kinda thing. Maybe. Just an idea lol Wink

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I need a personal chef, a personal trainer, and someone who will follow me around knocking the bad foods out of my hands. I've got the 'binge' part down, but refuse to purge. Sad

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Oh, I agree completely! But Jasper only mentioned her arms... Hey, it's Zing Zang-thirty here! LOL!