You are here

Anyone's SO have shared custody with skids, but it's every few months? Need advice

stuckinthebay's picture

FH and BM share custody of SD3. FH gets six months and BM gets 6. SD2 is leaving soon to be with her mother and stepdad again soon back to Germany. This will be Sd3 second time she's leaving FH. The first time was hard but since she was only 2 she wasn't so expressive and didn't know what was going on. Now she's 3 and talks a lot! She's back and forth a lot about how she feels. She says she wants to live with FH and now she wants to go back to BM. I told FH not to take it personally. Children are selfish. They want what they want.

Anyways, in the CO, if the parent is in the same area visiting they can have 4days with the child for each moth they are there. SD3 last day with FH is 5/28, but BM came early, 5/8. She requested she have SD3 for Mother's Day. They agreed and FH also gave that weekend to BM as her 4 day visit. Well since she came back, SD3 has told FH she doesn't love him and wants to live with BM and BMH. I know this is affecting FH because time is getting close to his last days. Sometimes idk what to tell him. Idk how to help him. I try to say "she's just 3. You know how BM is. Always trying to buy her love. Showing her new things they bought her. They need her to want to come back home with them so there's no problems. She does love her mom and she should, but she loves you too. She's just being a brat".

Also, BM text FH the next day and said "my mom ran into someone's car and SD3 and I were in the car. SD3 got a scratch on her neck and I took her to the dr. She'll be fine. The mark should go away". FH told BM he was concerned that he's just now finding this out and he would like documents from the dr. All she replied back was "I will get you the documents" umm ok?? FH said he was going to talk to her about it during the drop off, but that didn't happen because SD3 was crying hysterically that she didn't want to go and all BM did was comfort her and told her she was sorry. Whatever..she's annoying


GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Wow, that sounds like a really tough schedule for a three-year-old. Six months without one parent? I have no advice, but I do feel for that little girl. It sounds like it's hard for her.

Willow2010's picture

That is a terrible schedule for a child that age. My only advice is to make a different schedule so she sees both DH and BM, weekly, at least.

spittenfire's picture

It appears that bm may live in Germany though. Weekly would not be feasible. but I agree there should be a different schedule in place.

stuckinthebay's picture

This is our concern too! SD3 came back with NO manners! Everything was "give me" and crying like crazy! Now that she's improved with her manners, we really don't know how much longer that will stick when she goes back home.

Willow2010's picture

now she wants to go back to BM. I told FH not to take it personally. Children are selfish.

And I have to on earth does this make her selfish.

I realize that the parents live far apart. But the ONLY way to fix this is for the parents to live closer so they can fix this totally messed up schedule. What is supposed to happen when the child hits school age?

stuckinthebay's picture

Her behavior is selfish. She wants what she wants and when she doesn't get it, it tantrums. He mom shows her a new toy she buys her in oovoo then SD3 wants to go home. BM buys her a doll house and shows all the new toys she was and SD3 wants to go home again. FH explains to her that she'll go home but not now. Then it's crying and screaming. That's being selfish. No matter how many times he tries to explain to her that tantrums don't get you what you want she goes back to it cuz it works for BM.

stuckinthebay's picture

Abandonment is exactly what FH thinks SD3 is going to feel and idk how to make him feel otherwise. I also think that it's just her age. Trying to test out what works on who when it comes to getting what she wants.

Hanny's picture

I think your FH and BM are selfish. This is an awful schedule. And I don't think she is being a 'brat'. I think she is confused and any 3 year old would be easily persuaded with toys.

stuckinthebay's picture

Actually this is BM schedule that was granted to her. FH fought and had no choice but to agree. He spent a lot of money to keep SD3 in the U.S.

stuckinthebay's picture

Just give her up to BM? What's a reasonable visitation when BM lives in another country?