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The whataboutism of a BM

strugglingSM's picture

And so it begins...now that BM has a new boyfriend she has begun her manipulations to change visitation times. It started with her just changing all the dates that she entered into the OFW calendar without notifying DH and then telling him they agreed to follow that calendar (they didn't) and that those dates had been on the calendar for over a year (they were added on October 23rd according to OFW). 
 

She has since had some very important "work" trips that necessitated changing weekends (yeah, we're still under restrictions here due to covid and the governor has ordered people to work from home, but BM's locally-based work requires lots of travel all of a sudden). 

This last weekend, BM asks DH on Friday if he wants to extend his weekend to Monday. DH says "let's keep our schedule" because he has things to do on Monday and I don't want to deal with two high schoolers while he's gone. So, Sunday rolls around and BM texts both skids saying the power is out at their home and she's also "stuck in the snow" at her boyfriend's house. So, both kids ask if they can stay overnight. No word do DH...also the power is not out at her house (that is easily verified) and the place she is supposedly stuck got minimal snow (less than 4 inches) over 24 hours prior to her message and at the time she sent the message had rain and 40 degree temps. BM also posted a pic on FB around that same time of her driving in the snow (to show off her new hair) - we're not connected on FB, this was a publicly posted pic.

In response to SSs telling DH that they have to stay because BM won't be home, DH sends a message on OFW saying if you are not going to be home, you need to let me know versus going through the kids. I don't want to leave them at an empty house for the night.

BM's response "you didn't care about their safety when you dropped them off early" that one time over a year ago. Um, okay BM...keep bringing that up. That was the time SSs insisted they needed to be home early to go to a birthday party. Because BM doesn't share anything with DH, she did not mention this birthday party and the kids didn't bring what they needed to go to said party. BM insisted she had to "rush home" from being away with soon to be ex husband #2 because DH was so inconsiderate. She built a whole mediation around this, claiming DH was a terrible communicator and needed to verify things with her first....when in reality, she always responds with "it's not my responsibility to tell you" or to say that Skids were mistaken any time DH contact her to verify anything. She brings this up every time that DH sends her a message to clarify anything with her that SSs have said. He even said in the mediation that he should have verified the birthday party, but he didn't think to do so, because kids telling him about changes to their visitation time on BM's behalf was a regular occurrence.

Anytime DH contacts BM to confirm anything and asks her to communicate with him instead of with the children, he gets the "what about that one time.." response and again no confirmation on what is needed. Also, after DH's message, BM miraculously made it home to a house with power where the roads were clear. 
 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Ugh. Time for him to let her know he won't be making any changes to the court-ordered schedule going forward. 

Love that she tried to change the calendar and gaslight him, but OFW keeps a log of changes. Idiot. 

strugglingSM's picture

I had DH add all weekends to OFW from now until SSs turn 18, so now we can plan around those and so can she...no claiming she "didn't know" as she has in the past. We shouldn't have to plan around them because the kids are in high school and should just stay home if BM has a conflict, but DH is BM's babysitter, so she insists they come to our house regardless.

CastleJJ's picture

Sounds like our BM who limits parenting time to 57 days per year and gives the judge a million excuses why SS can't have more time with DH... Yet BM dumps SS off on every friend, neighbor and classmate during her time, seeing SS as little as possible, but heaven forbid DH sees SS. And she spends every visitation DH has trying to change dates and times. We only see SS 5 times per year... it shouldn't be that difficult. 

When DH tries to follow the court order to eliminate conflict, BM brings up all the "one time" incidents from like 3 to 5 years ago. It's like, let it go! 

BM knows damn well that DH would do anything to see SS so she uses SS as a carrot to dangle in front of DH. Then when he sticks up for himself and redirects to the court order, DH is a terrible parent who can't coparent or communicate, all because he won't cave to BM's demands. These women are hell. 

strugglingSM's picture

Exactly! Before covid, I don't think SSs ever spent a full weekend at BM's house and even know they spend many of her weekends with other people. Last weekend they were with BIL who was "helping" them to "feel better" about BM's divorce. BIL is also keeping it a secret from DH, but that's a different story.