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Overly dramatic SS - always the victim, even on Father’s Day

strugglingSM's picture

So, DH's Father's Day was less than spectacular. He got up and made everyone breakfast and one SS complained about what he made. Then he did some work to help his uncle and both SSs complained they were bored. Then DH did some yard work and we cleaned up, with SSs sitting on their phones and continuing to complain. Then as we were driving them home, DH said jokingly, "so, boys, what did you get me for Father's Day?" One sits there silent, the other - overly dramatic SS - gets pouty and says, "I was going to get you something, Dad, but I didn't have time." This kid is a teen who has money on a debit card all the time (whenever we say no to anything, he just whips out his debit card and buys it himself). He also knows how to make online purchases and has not been socially distancing, so has been going out all the time. He lives less than a mile away from several stores. But of course, then it became about how DH was making SS feel bad because he was lazy and didn't bother to even wish DH a Happy Father's Day. Also, if I know BM, I'm sure that both SSs got a card and present for their stepdad. I used to offer to help SSs, but they always told me they were "set" even though in the five years I've known them, they have never gotten him a card or a gift for Father's Day, his birthday, or Chrisfmas...and I know that they get Christmas presents for BM and family because BM once made a point of telling DH to make sure they brought home "the presents they bought for their family for Christmas" after he picked them up at school for visitation.

Comments

Kes's picture

I can identify with this.  DH rarely gets any acknowledgement on Father's Day, while NPD BM gets copious gifts, cards and brown-nosing messages on social media from the SDs, on Mother's Day and her birthday.   He actually got texts from both of them yesterday, which was unusual.  Maybe absence makes the heart fonder (we have moved an hour away as of a week ago). 

With your DH's situation - sounds like he is used to being treated like shit by his mother and so he just takes this from his kids as well.  

strugglingSM's picture

Sadly, he is. This is the first time he ever called SSs out for not doing anything for him and not even saying "happy Father's Day." 

tog redux's picture

Yep. Same situation here. SS20 has not wished DH a Happy Father's Day in 6 years (he was alienated for 4 of them, but been back in our lives for 2).  Even when he did come over, he'd rarely have anything meaningful for DH (maybe a bag of licorice).  I used to ask if he wanted help, but then decided I would only help if he asked me to, which he stopped doing once the BM brainwashing kicked in.

I hate how SS treats him. He's lucky DH has even stuck around to be in his life. He doesn't deserve it.

strugglingSM's picture

That's how I feel about my SSs and they aren't even fully alienated, yet. They are just so demanding and ungrateful. We spent hundreds of dollars on skis this year for each of them and one still complained that we didn't get him anything off "his list". He wanted skis, but guess they weren't on his list because he felt entitled to them. The same SS who played the victim here also regularly tells us we don't buy him anything and BM has to buy everything...um, okay, that's a good way to get me to stop buying you anything, kid!

tog redux's picture

When SS was younger,  I could make the excuse that BM was influencing him - but now he's 20.5, no more excuses. He's just a crappy, entitled person who treats his father like dirt.

SMto2's picture

Tog, this my sentiment exactly. When SSs were visiting EOW (both stopped by age 12-13) I'd talk with them about something they'd like me to get their dad for them. I knew they had no other way to get them. However, once they're in their 20's, they know better and not recognizing their dad on Father's Day is willful. In my case, SS24's wife made multiple FB posts for Father's Day--for her dad, HER STEP-DAD, grandfathers--and SS24 liked those posts, so his ignoring his dad was intentional. It really makes me angry for my DH.

Gimlet's picture

I can relate.

DH took YSS to lunch for Father's Day, OSS decided at the last minute that he "didn't feel like it" so it was just the two of them.  YSS told him happy Father's Day, he doesn't do anything for BM for Mother's Day either.  DH was really quiet when he got back, I know he talked to OSS so who knows what was said.  I don't ask anymore.

My DD made him hand pies, my niece came over with muffins and we made him pad thai on the outdoor wok, which turned out great.  DD also drew on the chalk door for him (it's a tradition we have for special occasions for someone to put artwork on the door).

Typical skids.  I know DH won't ever give up on OSS, but sometimes I wish he would.  YSS remains to be seen.

Oh, and I got him a new bird feeder because we're bird nerds.  It's designed to attract birds like grosbeaks and cardinals, which are his favorite birds.  It has a feature for "cardinal comfort" when perching and eating.  DD said "I know that I will have made it when I have enough disposible income to consider cardinal comfort" lol. 

DPW's picture

Too funny! We have a pair of robins we call Steve and Allen (we really don't know which is which to be honest) at our cabin. Our neighbours just had a nest with robin babies in it. We also have grosbeaks that loves the hot sauce bird seeds I put out. He's a beaut.

(I never thought I'd be into bird... lol)

Gimlet's picture

We just started birding and recording our sightings on the Audobon app.  The coolest birds I've seen are an indigo bunting and a night heron.   It's actually a lot of fun Smile

We used to have a robin that ruled our large back yard at our old house.  His name was Ed and he took no shit from anyone, bird or otherwise. 

That's so nice you have a nesting pair! 

tog redux's picture

We've been bird-watching in our back yard too. We have a pair of Orioles that are gorgeous.

beebeel's picture

We have a black squirrel named Chuck who regularly visits us. He will sit just five feet from us munching on acorns. I think I caught him flipping off the puggle the other day, too. Chuck is hilarious. Biggrin

strugglingSM's picture

I was not a bird nerd until the pandemic and now I can't get enough. My parents sent binoculars and a bird book out to us years ago for SSs and I use them all the time. 

Cardinals are my favorite, too, but sadly, they are not native to my current location, so I never see them. My mom sends me pictures of the cardinals that live near her house.

SMto2's picture

I wondered if either SS24 or SS26 would reach out to DH in any way, since we're taking them, their spouses and 2 SGDS on vacation next week. Nothing whatsoever from SS24. He also did not reach out to DH for his birthday earlier this month. SS26 texted DH a video of SGDs singing Happy Father's Day. He posted nothing on FB like he did for BM on Mother's Day raving about her being the best mom ever, etc. Now that BM is on FB, I KNEW that wouldn't happen, but it didn't before, either.

At least SS26 did something. I was planning to see if DH wanted to mail SS24 some gas money to drive to the beach. Now I've decided never mind. BTW, my & DH's bios had a good day with him yesterday, making him breakfast, gifts of his favorite things and then dinner with MIL and DH's step-dad. (DH's dad has passed.) 

SteppedOut's picture

Good Lord....mail gas money to him? I'm surprised y'all don't have to pack for them! 

I mean that in the most loving way... your tale just get under my skin. Your skids are the worst entitled jerk skidults. UUUUGH. 

 

Gimlet's picture

That stood out to me too.  Seriously, these adult skids take the cake with entitlement and that's saying something on this board.

SMto2's picture

I only thought of this because I know that SS24 and his DW have very little money, and in the past, they said they needed gas money to come to our house (a two hour drive vs. about 6 hours to the beach.)  They even take the back roads to avoid tolls. SS24's DW works part-time and SS24 does food delivery (and he's also supposedly taking college  classes online, but we don't know if this is happening.) These are their life choices, obviously . I'm not going to make the offer now. I won't be surprised if they don't come, and if that is the case, that's fine.

Ursula's picture

Sorry for your DH.  

My SD was over yesterday and spent a good portion of the day talking to BM on kids messenger asking how BMs boyfriends fathers day was going.  Meanwhile she was not at all interested in spending any time with her actual dad on fathers day.

strugglingSM's picture

When SS was whining that it wasn't his fault that he didn't do anything for DH, I wanted to ask him if he had gotten a card or present for his stepfather, but I figured that would just cause more drama.

Thumper's picture

SS has money on a debit card?

No sympathy unless kid works and earns it at a real job.

Kid could have wrote on a piece of paper and mailed it last week OR handed it to him yesterday : Happy Fathers Day DAD.., thanks for blah blah blah. Love SKID

No excuse for not doing something for his dad. HIS MOM should have made sure of it.

strugglingSM's picture

He could have even said, "Happy Father's Day, Dad!" when he got up in the morning or said, "hey dad, let me make you breakfast" or even walked down to where his dad was working with a bottle of water and said, "hey dad, do you need anything?" Nope, instead, just complained about being bored.

Neither kid is even gracious when it comes to receiving gifts or things, they're response is usually something like "that's it?"