Money and Immature Behavior
Ugh, the BM in my life is an adolescent when it comes to dealing with DH. She loves to try to turn things around on him in that "I'm not doing that, you're doing that" way that teenagers do.
As expected, after buying contacts for SS11 without consulting DH, she sent an email to complain how much extra money she was paying and how he never contributed any extras. In that email, she also said she was going to get braces for SS11 and she was "putting her foot down" over DH not contributing.
DH responded by reminding her that he paid 100% of the cost for the glasses that SS11 never wore. He also said he paid for their 6th grade camp, but noticed online that the kids weren't registered, yet, even though the registration date had passed at school. He also told her that he'd pay his proportional cost for the braces, but he was going to pay the dentist directly and was not going to agree to any payment until he had seen information from the dentists office about options (SS11 has already told DH he wants Invisalign braces because he doesn't want to be embarrassed by regular braces, but SS can't keep track of anything, so DH doesn't trust him with Invisalign braces).
She replied and said "I'm fine with you paying the dentist because I would rather limit contact with you anyway" and followed up how she didn't like interacting with him at all, so any way to limit those interactions was fine with her. This is the same woman who fought tooth and nail to maintain contact with DH after he got a clause added at their last mediation that they only talk to one another in emergencies, with all other contact being in writing. She told him that he was being a deadbeat dad for not taking her calls, that she had no intention of following that clause, that she'd talked to her husband and they both decided it would be child neglect for her and DH to not talk to one another. She's also gone out of her way at every sporting event to go over and try to talk with DH, usually about money or some other attempt at causing drama. The last time, she came up to DH to tell him in front of the kids that her family was having a party and she wanted him to bring the kids home Sunday morning instead of Sunday evening, which caused a big dramatic explosion from one SS when DH said he couldn't bring them home early because he had plans with the kids. Just two weeks ago, she texted him continuously over the space of four hours over something that easily could have been a two text exchange, but sure, lady, you're the one who's trying to limit contact.
DH ended his message by saying that BM only ever contacts him when she wants money, she never gives him any heads up or any opportunity to weigh in on the things that lead to money requests and never gives him any other information. Her retort, "I do tell you things, when I called you from the ER with a possible fracture, you didn't take my call." Two things to note : 1) there was no fracture and any injury was totally unnoticeable up two days later when we saw SS11 (the same SS who was convinced he had a concussion on Sunday); 2) she called DH because she wanted someone else to share in her anxiety over the fact that her child was in the urgent care, she didn't text DH before she left for urgent care or even send him a text with the information, just called him all frantic that they were taking SS in for an X-ray. No mention of all the other things that she did not tell DH about, like a school award ceremony where SS got an award. DH didn't get notification from the school until 11pm the night before the morning ceremony, too late for him to get any time off work. BM had known about it for over a week and sent a group text (which she included DH on) about the ceremony after the fact, but sure, lady, you always keep him informed.