Junk from BM’s house
Periodically, DH will come home from drop off or pick up with something from BM’s house that she decided was his. Today, he came home with two framed photos of him and his friends taken when he was married to DH, one was from his bachelor party for his wedding to BM. Last year, he came home with the video from their wedding.
DH and BM have been divorced for five years, separated for six and she’s moved at least once since then. Why does she still have all these pictures of DH and a bunch of his things?! Does she sit and cry over them? She’s the one who wanted the divorce because she met someone new and she lives with that guy.
When she filed for divorce, she kicked DH out and wouldn’t let him come to get any of his things. I told him that it was dumb on his part to allow that because she had no grounds to tell him he couldn’t come to the house.
Also, it’s not as if the stuff she has of DH or the pictures she sent over are nice. I don’t want her cast offs cluttering up my house.
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I might buy that...
...except, she has things that were DH’s father’s that she has clearly hanging in her garage (and she’s only been in the house, so she hung them there), that she has not returned. DH’s father died before he even met BM and his dad was his idol.
Also, this BM doesn’t feel guilty about anything. She kept some jewelry that MIL gave her, that was originally MIL’s mother’s. She wouldn’t even give it back after MIL begged for it. BM probably sold the jewelry, so couldn’t give it back.
DH's ex thru away everything
DH's ex thru away everything he had ever owned - including his clothes. And he was not the one who cheated. She left DH after 15+ years of marriage to return to her first husband (of about 5 years) who left her for his secretary. DH got so screwed, but somehow he is not furious and vindictive like I would have been. He has no fond feelings for her at all, but somehow does not get consumed by hatred like I would if someone screwed me over like she did.
But he wins as I am light years a better wife for him than she ever was. I am smarter, more well educated, more connected socially and politically plus I have 10 times more money. She and her DH (the man who cheated on her and left her before her marriage to DH) now live about a mile from us. Not only is our home much nicer, but we have way more friends in the neighborhood. Her DH is kind of a sleezeball with his business and many people hate him.
It's really not about the money - but it's about how people really dislike both of them. DH and I are universally loved.
What stays vs what goes
"I don’t want her cast offs cluttering up my house"
Your DH must have been interested in having and keeping some of these things. Otherwise, why would he cart them home. Why it is garbage and unwanted clutter to you, it is his 'history' and life to him. Why not simply have him box up the items and have him put them up and out of sight (outta sight, outta mind type thing)? Attic?
Whether he actually wants the items or perhaps wants to hang on to them for his kids, it is his house also and lurking off forgotten and unseen is harmless enough. I totally cringe when I read a blog here from members where they suggest to another member to just trash it, burn it, whatever. Unless he is bringing home these items and trying to display them all over the living area, I can only assume it is merely the thought that these items exist at all that bothers some members.
We all have a past. Everyone of us had a life before we met and got together with our current DH/SO/BF. I know it's just my opinion, but if the guy wants to store it and give it to his kids , who are *we* to overrule the desire ? Being his wife/SO/GF doesn't necessarily give *us* final say in what our partner can keep. A photo in a box in an attic. Is it really interfering with your marriage? I'm going to assume he isn't getting it out every other week and sitting on the edge of the bed mooning and mourning over 'what was'.
Why is BM sending these random items home with your DH? Very well could be no reason otherthan to annoy the h*ll out of you. But it still remains that your DH obviously wanted the item or he would not have taken it from her or would have swung by the nearest dumpster driving home and ditched it himself.
Just something to think about.
Your DH must have been
Your DH must have been interested in having and keeping some of these things. Otherwise, why would he cart them home.
A lot of men don't think like this. This is how a woman thinks. I know my husband would bring stuff like this home simply because he hadn't passed a garbage can and it was handed to him. He would place it behind something, where he wouldn't see it everyday and there it would remain until I got angry that the 'junk' was taking up space. Now....the way I know my husband cares about something, he displays it, tells people about it and shows it to people.
My dh would have told her to
My dh would have told her to toss it in the trash. He wouldn't have accepted it.
Now of course if your bm sends it in the kids stuff it would have landed in the trash too.
**assuming she is unstable**she is doing this to get a rise out of him. Those kind mail photos 'I thought you would want this"...send her clothing with the kids clothing., bras, pants...cheap perfume all over the kids clothing.. that kind of stuff.
I am familiar with bm's like this. Oh yeah....it happens.
My skids' bm did this for a
My skids' bm did this for a while after DH moved in with me. She would give him random boxes of mostly crap with one item she knew he wanted mixed in with the rubbish/memorabilia from their very brief relationship. After he finally (four years after their divorce) got his Army class ring back, he told her to keep whatever else she found in storage/amid the piles of her hoarder's filth.
These boxes would always show up whenevever she had three days or so between the old dick and the new. It was her sad attempt to stay relevant in his life.
"It was her sad attempt to
"It was her sad attempt to stay relevant in his life."
All that, right there. BM2 used to do this. She'd send photos of herself under the guise that they were for SS15. She still cannot take any photos of her and SS15 without sending one of herself. Usually with her wh*re bags on display. As if that entices DH into wanting her back.
It's a game and everything she sends back in "good will" you can be sure will be relevant to their previous marriage.
Just throw them away.
When I read the title I
When I read the title I thought wow! someone else is dealing with this too. Then I read the blog, and my situation is different.
SD(29) is traveling for 2 months this summer, her lease was up and she’s staying with Gma till she leaves. We offered to store her stuff till she gets back. It’s not a big deal we have tons of space and SD is grateful to us for keeping her things.
The thing is lots of her stuff came from BM and will in all likelihood go back to BM at some point. So now I am basically storing stuff for BM. It’s mostly pictures and nicknacks that are piled up and stored in a back room but there are also tables, end tables and cabinets that are BMs in my unused media room.
I don’t see this stuff on a daily basis but I went in to dust and just thought uuugggg. DH said we should post pictures on social media and say how much we enjoy using SDs stuff. BM would blow a gasket and have her things out of here in a NY minute. The problem is SD would get the brunt of her anger for letting us use Her stuff.