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It's a miracle!

strugglingSM's picture

It's a miracle, both of SSs Fs in math miraculously became Bs. Since DH couldn't even ask SS about his grades last week (when they closed) because SS was so embarrassed and upset, I'm thinking this means that he got a do-over and lots of help on that do-over, so he'd feel better about his grades. He also had 2 Ds that miraculously become Cs. This all happened days after the semester had closed. He has an IEP, but he is plenty capable, he just doesn't do work or pay attention in class and BM tells him that it's not his fault, the teachers need to realize that school is hard for him. Teachers regularly email DH and BM about this SS joking, talking back to the teacher, playing games on his phone, etc during class, so it's not as if he's putting in much effort. In my experience, he can do the math, he just needs someone to push him to do it. When we were doing homework with him, BM would literally write out the answers on the paper (some of the answers she wrote were wrong), because she didn't have the patience to have SS think about what he was doing and try again. I know some kids are reluctant learners, but things only compound. If you don't put any effort into math in 4th, 5th, 6th, or 7th grade, you certainly aren't going to pass HS math and right now, our state has a requirement that you have to pass Algebra 2 and score proficient on the state exam in order to graduate. Good luck to SS when he gets there. 

I also noticed that this SS now has a new math teacher, so I know that BM called the counselor to say how mean the teachers were and how SS just needed someone else to do the work for him. BM saves the day again and teaches SS that if you cry, someone will change your grades. 

Last year, the other SS changed math teachers twice, because according to him, the first two math teachers were "mean" to him.



MurphysLaw's picture

It’s nice that BM will have company in her old age, as this little underachiever ain’t never gonna leave the nest.

strugglingSM's picture

And I'm sure she will blame DH for SS's inability to function as an adult. SS will probably say that if he hadn't been a child of divorce, he surely could have made something of himself. 

thinkthrice's picture

we have the SAME BM!!!!  Blames the breakup for all of the skids academic failures,  doesn't require school attendance,  homework,  coursework or assignments.  Gets them all IEPs as a smokescreen for non-parenting and laziness. 

somethingwicked's picture

Isthis an electronic grade or on paper?

Maybe Skid changed the grade if paper ~

Only a couple lines to connect to turn an F into a



strugglingSM's picture

It's electronic. All of his December test scores were updated as retakes in the last week. His original scores were 38% and 42% and now he has a 93% and an 83%. Funny how he can remember enough material from December to get great scores after the semester has ended. 

I also noticed that now he has a new math teacher, so I know BM called to change things. The other SS went through 3 math teachers last year. 

somethingwicked's picture

Nice to know he will work hard  for a grade . Maybe he is lazy to do the work and study but much smarter and able to achieve when he is motivated. I have 2 nephews like that. Lazy and pulling average grades then when they find  drive or a goal they are straight A.

Both are now attorneys.


strugglingSM's picture

I don't think he worked hard for the grade. I think it was adjusted. I think BM went in and complained and talked about how SS didn't want to go to school because he was so depressed about math and they moved his teacher and figured out how to adjust his assignments in order to give him a B. 

If he did actually retake the tests, he probably did them with a lot of "assistance" from someone in the resource room. If he went from two low-Fs to a solid B and a solid A then the conversation with him should be about why he was phoning it in to begin with. Also, he's not someone to try hard, his M.O. is to usually blame others, even for minimal things. His favorite phrase seems to be "it's not my fault!" 

This SS has already been absent 8 times this school year, so I doubt the prospect of getting an F inspired him to work harder. If it had, he wouldn't have been sulking around for the last month or so about how he had an F, he'd have been doing something about it. 

somethingwicked's picture

Then that sucks and skid discovered all he has to do is send his mother ,who wants to prove she is the more loving bio parent , in to clean up his failures. THE FATHER should be involved and get the entire story .Father  needs to  discover  from the instructor how and why the grade got changed as Skid is being set up to fail  forever . OR he is  learning  that cheating ,lying and faking works to get through life. Yuck. Another creepy parasite in the making.

And all that is needed is todo is   cry loud enough for mommee to fight his battle or find some other person or reason to use or blame for his failings. 

 On his resume he can write that he is a manipulator.


tog redux's picture

Eh, this was my SS all through school. And BM rescued him all the way through. DH and I talked about how he wouldn't graduate, etc.

He did. They pushed him through.

Then we talked about how he'd fail out of community college ... nope, he's still there.

If I could go back, I'd put a whole lot more IDGAF into SS's grades. Let BM do what she's going to do and just let it go.  If he doesn't launch he can stay with BM.  Some kids do crappy all through school and the schools push them through, for better or for worse.

strugglingSM's picture

Yes, I need to not worry about grades, but it bothers me that they are so lazy and that BM is always "fixing" their problems. 

Also, I'll be darned if I pay one dollar for this SS to go to college. It's such a waste...and BM will likely try to use the fact that he is a perpetual "college" student to keep milking DH for money. 

tog redux's picture

Yeah - well, she will most likely get money for college from DH through the court.

My SS could have gone to college for free, but given his crap grades, he's now at CC and DH has been ordered to pay.

Whatever.  I can't control BM, I can just control whether I let her make me miserable or not.

strugglingSM's picture

Since we seem to have very similar SM experiences, how long did it take for you to reach the point when you were able to disengage from the drama? What helped you to do that?