BM needs a favor...
If you read my last blog, you know that DH was recently hospitalized. When he messaged BM via Our Family Wizard from the emergency room to say he was being admitted to the hospital and MIL was busy that weekend, so he would not be able to take Skids that weekend, her response was to tell DH that he owed her money for her (*cough* non-existent) plans because he didn't give her the "required 24 hours notice".
Today, DH gets a long message from BM - also through Our Family Wizard. I'll paraphrase, because it was quite long:
- Good news, BM and her husband have been invited by BM's parents to go to Hawaii during the school year.
- Since BM was so accommodating to DH when he was in the hospital - she reiterates how accomodating she was about four times throughout her long missive - she expects him to accomodate her vacation and take Skids 8 days, including taking them to school during the week when she is away.
- She assures DH that it really won't take that long for him to take Skids to school because we live so close.
- She closes by reminding DH of how accomodating she was to him during his hospital stay and hopes that he is recovered.
DH replies:
- He tells BM that he leaves for work at 4:30am and has no flexiblity in his schedule. He tells her that I leave for work at 6:30am and have no flexibility with my schedule on Mondays and Tuesdays and have to leave earlier that week on Wednesday.
- He tells her that it will add at least 90 minutes to our commutes to bring Skids to school when there is traffic (we both commute 30 miles North, they live 15 miles South).
- He tells her that he wouldn't be able to bring Skids to school unless he took time off from work and he doesn't get any paid time off from work, so he can't take them during the school year. ( Seriously, BM, what would be the point of DH taking time off from work when Skids can't do anything with him because they will be at school? Does she really think he should take time off so she can go on vacation?).
He is largely including this information so it's in Our Family Wizard, because really, he should just have said, "no, I can't take Skids that week."
BM sends a lengthy reply -
- She is so disappointed with DH. She and her SO go out of her way to accommodate DH and he never accommodates her.
- She is the only parent who ever has to change her schedule for Skids, but she and her DH - who also has to take time off from work according to BM - both sacrifice for Skids and are willing to do it, because BM will do anything for her kids. (BM's DH has been a "stay at home dad" according to BM, for many years, and only recently got a job working retail, so not sure how he's taken so much time off for Skids...they regularly walk to and from school when he is "busy").
- How would DH feel if he had the kids 50/50 like he wanted and had to sacrifice for them? (BM refused to even consider giving DH more custody time. DH told her that if she would consider it, we would move close enough to make it work, but she said NO WAY!!!, so we live closer, but not close enough for 50/50.)
- BM reiterates again that she is just so disappointed at how terrible DH is to her and how all of this makes her not want to accommodate him in the future, even though she has been so accommodating in the past. (BM must really be living in a dream world, here....because in my experience, she has never accomodated DH).
And the world's tiniest violin plays a mournful tune for BM.
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Comments
What an utter narcissist BM
What an utter narcissist BM is! She compares your DH going into hospital as an emergency with herself swanning off to Hawaii on a pleasure jaunt!! This is the sort of thing NPD BM used to do all the time. We were expected to accommodate all sorts of crap, but woe betide if DH ever, ever changed the schedule.
So your BM can say she is disappointed 10,000 times, but it will not amount to a whole hill of beans. She can ship her disappointed little a$$ to Hawaii but it is her responsibility and hers alone to sort out the SKIDs arrangements.
Sounds like my husbands exwife
If she can find an excuse to abandon the kids so she can eff off with hubby #2 who wants nothing to do with skids, she will just eff off and not tell hubby. Next thing eldest sd24 whom youngest sd14 lives with, will tell hubby how they haven’t heard from their mum in months and she has abandoned them.
Your husband had an emergency, she was not accommodating. She did her friggin job ss the bio mum and had to grow the eff up and be responsible for the kids. But you know any excuse to pick a fight with the ex is all she wants. An eternal bitch fest
These BM's SMH...
On of my favourite MOTY moments for the BM in my situation was when she decided to go on vacation abroad, with then SD13 and her aunt. Got to the airport and realised that she had not obtained a visa for SD (BM is as dumb as a thumb) so SD was refused entry onto the aircraft. Now in reality this would be very frustrating for normal people and they would postpone the trip for a couple of days to sort out the visa, then resume the vacay.
Not our BM, she hopped on the plane with her aunt, left the country to fly to the other side of the world and literally left SD alone in the airport with her luggage, no money and no plan of what to do. SD had to call DH to come pick her up (luckily he was in the country as he is often away for business) from the airport 90 miles away. DH then was given the job of rushing around getting SD's visa organised and to take her back to the airport two day later after having to take the two days off from work to visit embassy for visa etc so SD didn't miss out on the vacay. Did DH get a thank you from either BM or SD, of course not. But when he asked for a slight change in the visitation BM threw a fit and refused everything.
There should be a special place in hell for these type of BM.
I truly believe karma will hit them, it might take decades but
It’ll come.
surely that situation you mentioned is grounds to report to police she was abandoned. Wth?? Just left her kid in the airport?? No money and not telling the dad to come get her??
my husband always checks my visa when travelling to certain countries as i’m from overseas but in your case the mother checked about her visa just not her own kid? Wth??
I hope you're right about
I hope you're right about karma...that is the one thing that keeps me from totally lashing out at BM.
Why on Earth
Did your husband take time off work to get SD a visa? That's insane!
Next time: "Unfortunately, I
Next time: "Unfortunately, I am unable to ensure that the kids get to school every day on time due to my work schedule".
Done, and ignore every other thing she says.
The truth is that he would arrange his schedule to suit her whims and then she would send the kids to stay with someone else anyway, because "they don't want to spend so much time with you."
Yeah, DH ending his message
Yeah, DH ended his message by saying he is unable to take Skids during the week during the school year because he can't get them to school. This should be enough for BM to not ask in the future, but it won't be.
And I agree, DH would have rearranged his schedule only to be told that Skids arranged to stay with friends because we live too far away.
I'm sure BM will find some way to go. Normally she asks MIL to take Skids, but whenever MIL takes them they don't go to school because MIL lives north of us.
I also suspect this will come up the next time BM demands a mediation...probably before Christmas since DH is supposed to have Skids on Christmas next year.
Then DH should tell her in
Then DH should tell her in mediation that as the non-custodial parent, he has no obligation to take the kids on his own scheduled visitation time, much less on her time. If she would like to agree to 50/50 shared custody, he will change his work hours to accommodate that custody schedule.
You can never win with this type, so arguing is pointless.
It's totally pointless.
It's totally pointless.
The last mediation was supposedly about how DH should agree to have less time with the kids because they don't want to spend time with him...according to BM.
How ironic would it be if the next mediation was about how DH doesn't spend enough time with the kids...
It's gaslighting at it's finest.
Well, call the waaaaaaaahm
Well, call the waaaaaaaahm-bulance for BM. Sorry, NOT sorry.
Yet another example of a POS trying to use your DH's ILLNESS as a reason why he should contort himself into a pretzel to accommodate her imaginary plans. Pffffft.
lets face it... bio mum here was so stressed her ex was admitted
To hospital and she had to care for her kids, that she needs to destress by going on a sex vacation with her current partner so she needs to dump the kids back on her ex...
Ugh...that image makes me
Ugh...that image makes me feel sick to my stomach.
And yes, I'm surprised BM didn't also claim that she was also stressed out because DH wouldn't tell her what was going on, so DH needs to be extra accommodating in the future, so she can recover from the trauma of his illness.
She did make a veiled comment about how DH needed to spend more "quality time with SKids", especially considering his "health issues." She's just always looking out for the kids...and trying to needle her way into DH's life.
Lets not forget while he was in emergency
while drs were figuring out what was happening, the ex told him basically to suck it up and that he still needs to take the kids that him getting sick effed up her “get away from my kids time”.
when anyone gets sick, it effs up peoples plans often but thats a fact of life... deal with it!! Don’t act like someone owes you now because you finally did your job as a parent and cared for them
BM’s disappointed? Oh dear,
BM’s disappointed? Oh dear, that sounds serious. Your DH better step up and help her then!
*eyeroll*
Your DH would do best to stick to the CO and keep conversation to an absolute minimum. Hopefully he won’t end up in the hospital again but if there’s ever another emergency on his weekend just keep it simple. ‘I’m in the hospital, I cannot take the kids this weekend’. Then ignore any further commentary, except possibly to remind her that as the NCP he does not have to exercise visitation.
Let her be disappointed. Let her create stories about what’s happening. She’s clearly not a sane, rational human being so there’s no working with her anyways, only minimizing the drama in your home. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. She’s a nut job.
I did laugh a little at BM's
I did laugh a little at BM's idea that DH would be hurt that she was disappointed.
She's not a sane or reasonable human being. My counselor said, "just another example of how she makes everything about herself."
You COULD offer her to keep
You COULD offer her to keep the kids but she would have to find a nanny that could transport them to and from school or be willng for them to miss a week of school and stay home.
-- There look, you can accomodate her demands for a vacation on her parenting time. OR she could just wait and go on spring break and the kids can stay with you then and school is a non-issue. LOL
The only way DH convinced BM
The only way DH convinced BM to move his pick-up time after he got a new job (and after she moved 15 miles south of where she was living) was to tell her that he'd just have the kids put in day care and wait for him. She then relented because she didn't want her precious cherubs to be cared for by someone else.
Oh bm you dummy. If you had
Oh bm you dummy. If you had agreed to 50/50, this wouldn't even be an issue because you could eff off to Hawaii on dad's week. You refused 50/50, so now you can figure out your holiday plans on your own. Dummy.
So true....BM loves to
So true....BM loves to complain that she has to do everything and DH never does anything.
She tried to claim extra expenses because she has to drive Skids to sports practice...not sure if she thought DH should make the drive, which would take him at least an hour there and back, because her driving 10 minutes is too much. Also, not sure why they can't carpool with other kids in the neighborhood. She has always been insistent that Skids being with her all the time except for EOWE is what's best for them and doesn't include DH in any decision-making, but she wants him to take on errands for her? Not quite, BM...if you want to be in charge, then you be in charge, which also means you have to take care of all the logistical crap that comes along with being the custodial parent.
OMG, she sounds as nuts as
OMG, she sounds as nuts as the BM we deal with. BM here told DH that ANY judge would consider ECAs more important than time with DH so he has to take SD to all the sports she is constantly enrolling her in b/c it is in the best interest of SD. SD isn't even any good at any of these sports...it is all control control control.
Oh no, BM is dissappointed in
Oh no, BM is dissappointed in your DH! Whatever will he do? How will he go on?
Who cares? She wanted to have primary custody, this is what happens, can't just go jet setting off whenever you please.
I agree with hereiam -
I agree with hereiam - whatEVER will your husband do now that BM is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo disappointed in him.
How will he go on???
lololololololol!!!!
So, while BM and her DH are on this trip, who is staying with the skids and why can't that person take them to school??
Did I miss something??
BM wants SKids to stay with
BM wants SKids to stay with us while she and her DH are away. She wants us to drive them back and forth to school (15 miles each way) while they are with us for 8 days. No matter that both DH and I go 25-30 miles in the opposite direction each morning for work and no matter that DH starts working two hours before Skid's school day starts and I start working at the same time as their school day starts.
And yes, it is ridiculous that BM thinks she could guilt DH into doing what she wants by talking about how disappointed she is in him. This is the same woman who regularly calls DH a "deadbeat dad", a "terrible person", and an "embarrassment", so really, he doesn't care about her opinion any more. He just sort of laughed and shrugged at her message and then went back to watching his movie on television.
What a load of garbage.
What a load of garbage. "Sacrifice for the kids" these BMs will try and twist everything.
Good response and stick to your guns, BM can go pound salt.
It sounds like he has
It sounds like he has visitation and not custody... Sooo... Since BM needed custody SOOOOOO bad... She should know that it's optional for him to really ever take them. Ah well.
That's the real kicker...BM
That's the real kicker...BM was so insistent that she have full custody and wastes no opportunity to complain about how she has to do so much since she has full custody.
Even worse, she insisted immediately that Skids refer to her DH (even before she was "married" - in quotes because they are not legally married, only had a ceremony), as their "dad" and to her and DH as "our parents". She also undermines everything DH, so she's essentially marginalized him as a parent. Why should he take over her errands if she isn't allowing him to be a full parent.
It's maddening.
I'm fine with her thinking she's the martyr and her life is so hard because she has to do everything...as long as she leaves us out of it. I'm even fine with Skids thinking she works so hard and DH does nothing...it's not true, but I'm not going to fight with them.
I'm sure she will bill DH for
I'm sure she will bill DH for "costs incurred" sending them to stay at a friend's house while she's gone, because he's not being accomodating. Then she'll need mediation when he refuses to pay.
I suspect another mediation
I suspect another mediation will result because DH wouldn't take time off so BM could go on vacation.
I would love it if she sent him a bill...it would probably be for $15,000 and would include lots of undocumented "expenses".
One thing's for sure...
...there is certainly a BM type. It's uncanny reading some of these other comments. I feel like so many of us have the same BM.
Reminds me of studying literature in school when you identify the different conflict types and learn about stock character types.
OMG, this reminds me of when
OMG, this reminds me of when we were in the hospital with YDS for a week (he had a staph infection in his blood) and BM got all bent out of shape about how he spent time at the hospital with his son and it somehow brought up pent emotions that SD was supressing from over a year before when she spent 1 night in the hospital and DH didn't come stay with them.....
Then the following weeks she expected DH to take SD on daddy daughter dates because she was so upset about it and she wouldn't let SD come to our home b/c YDS might make SD sick even though SD had MRSA and YDS was not contagious in any way! Of course he had to take her out places to make up for the time he missed...like we weren't broke after spending an unexpected week in the hospital.
Ugh, these crazy @$$ BMs are not right at all. No concern for other's health just concerned that their little snowflakes aren't getting daddy time when BM really needs them to get the daddy time b/c BM has plans. Your wench a$$ BM sounds terrible!
I hope that your DH is doing well and has recovered. I know it is exhausting spending time in the hospital and then dealing with @$$hats like that on top of it :/