Already switching teachers to avoid failure
For the fifth year in a row, SS has switched classes to avoid "mean" teachers and bad grades.
SS just passed the first progress report for the year. He had an F in special ed English and a D in math. Surprise, surprise - this week, he has new teachers for both of those classes. Ironically, he is now in class with the math teacher who has given his brother a D, so I'm sure his grade won't be much better. But now, both he and BM can feel better.
According to BM, he has "OCD" because he is anxious about his grades. He does not take medication or go to therapy to treat this OCD, but BM is sure to list it on his "medical" forms. Too bad BM doesn't teach him that if he actually does the work, his grades might be better. Also, what did she expect his grades to be like this year, considering he stopped participating in school at all once it moved to remote learning in March?
I'm really not sure why the school goes along with BM's demands...are they going to switch him again in another month when he still has a D or an F in his classes?
As if that wasn't bad enough, after switching teachers to avoid bad grades, SS has the nerve to come to our house and talk about how great his grades are (they are never great). If he's going to cry to mommy to get his classes switched, the least he could do is not mention his grades at all after that. No one likes someone who wants praise for something they didn't actually earn...
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Ugh, he sounds so much like
Ugh, he sounds so much like my SS. Nothing was ever his fault, always the teacher's. He made zero effort and would brag about one good grade. He barely passed high school and then complained that the high school "pushed him through" as to why he did poorly in college. DH would always set him straight, and of course, he ended up alienated, lol.
Hope your BM doesn't mind supporting him until he's 30. That's the path my SS20 is on.
So many parents and then
So many parents and then their kids as they're older use mental health issues as an excuse for bad behaviors and failures. The purpose of a real diagnosis is so the condition can be managed and they can get help or accomodations not as a get out of schoolwork free card.
Your SS is going to grow up and be one of those people who either never gets a job because he has internalized that his condition means he doesn't have to do anything hard like normal people do or he won't keep any job for more than a few weeks due to "mean" supervisors. The future is NOT bright.
Several years ago, he told me
Several years ago, he told me that he had to switch math teachers because his math teacher was "mean". I told him he was confusing "mean" with someone asking him to do something that felt difficult.
I also don't think he truly has OCD. He was "diagnosed" by a pediatrician after he told her that he was worried about his grades. I have a cousin with OCD and his condition is so debilitating that he hasn't left the house in nearly 30 years, other than to go to doctor's appointments, due to various fears and obsessive thoughts about bad things happening. So, really, I don't think my SS has OCD. My SS is only "worried" when it comes to his grades and only when other people comment on his grades...it's not as if he actually puts in any effort.
BM will use this to her benefit by keeping SS dependent upon her. She is undiagnosed borderline, so she needs her children to be dependent upon her to meet her own emotional needs. Convincing this SS that he "can't handle" things without his mother is a perfect way to keep him dependent upon her forever.
He may have Generalized
He may have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but "worrying" isn't a hallmark of OCD, not really. Obsessive thoughts aren't really "worries".
Children of Borderlines end up very messed up, for real.
He definitely has generalized
He definitely has generalized anxiety disorder. He's not getting any treatment for that either. He went to counseling for two months when BM insisted that DH was traumatizing his brother, but as soon as it became clear that the counselor would not say that DH needed to have less visitation time because he was a terrible person, they both stopped going. When the pediatrician diagnosed him with OCD she suggested medication and counseling. He took medication for about a month and went to counseling once. BM claims he still takes medication, but the medication she claims he takes needs to be taken daily and he never brings anything to our house, so I assume he's not taking it anymore. His brother takes ADHD meds, but you can take a break from taking those, so I'm not surprised he doesn't bring anything. The med this SS was on, you're not supposed to take any breaks.
I hope your DH is committed
I hope your DH is committed to not supporting these little sh!ts into adulthood, as they will never be employable. BM is going to lose her mind when the gravy train stops.
I've made it clear to him
I've made it clear to him that I will not take either child in when they fail to launch as adults...and that I'm not subsidizing anyone who can't sustain themselves.
The Great White Rapper aka SS18
does this EXACT thing.
The teachers are "mean" that is why he is failing. They don't like him...that is why he is "failing". AKA the teachers were asking him to do you know "work". That made them mean. His English teacher was mean because she corrected his grammer. I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard on that one.
This year...the math teacher is mean. This is what Sd tells us GWR says. And he can't possibly finish his work on time..his brand new mac book that he got Mr. Beaver Sr to buy isn't working.
Beaver is the EXACT and I mean exact same way. She always has an excuse and its always someone elses fault. Can't keep relationships. Everyone is either all good or all bad..there is NEVER EVER an inbetween. I truly believe that Beaver is a boarderline and that GWR either picked that up or inherited it from her.
Beaver also stops taking GWR and SD to counseling once the counselor hits on the fact that Beaver's parenting is the issue. GWR insisted on changing therapists once his long time, I mean 10+ year counselor, infomed him that it was no one elses fault but his own that he was/is doing drugs. Once he told GWR that his problems were of his own making, then GWR wanted nothing to do with that counselor.
Ah yes...so many similarities
Ah yes...so many similarities.
Neither SS made it longer than two months in counseling before BM pulled the plug, even though she threatened to take DH to court if he didn't agree to counseling, because according to her they were "in crisis" over DH. DH had suggested counseling previously, so she didn't need to resort to hysterics...oh, but she did...she always does.
While DH and BM were married, he saw two counselors...one that was his own counselor and the other who saw both of them when they were going through their divorce. Both counselors met BM and told DH that she was abusive toward him. After meeting with both of them, BM demanded that DH stop seeing that counselor.
The first counselor - the one he saw by himself - was someone that DH had seen "on and off" according to him for years, to deal with how his ADHD impacts his life. She requested to meet BM after DH told her some things that "concerned her"...after meeting with both of them, the counselor met separately with DH and BM. BM ran out in a rage and then demanded that DH stop seeing that counselor. The "couples counselor" they saw together while they were "separated" told DH that divorce would be good for him because BM was abusive. This was after BM stormed out of one of their sessions and refused to see the counselor again.
My assumption is that BM realized that the counselor could see through her and didn't want to be exposed...although I'm sure in her mind, it would have been that the counselor was "mean" and didn't like her. I think she stopped taking SSs to counseling, because the counselor told overly dramatic SS that he was lucky to have a father who loved and cared about him as much as DH obviously does. Ironically, BM begged DH to go to counseling with her last year...not sure why, since I'm assuming any other counselors they went to would also see through her. I guess her desire to get attention from DH outweighed her ability to realize that any other time they'd seen a counselor together, the counselor had always told her that she was being "unreasonable" and "abusive".