So, Im new here....I think Ive just hit the end of my tether now though...
Hi All, lovely to meet you all.
I dont think that I can detail everything thats happened over the last (nearly) 4 years, at the moment its what has happened recently thats invading my soul.
I have a bio daughter and a SD both of the same age at 6 (16 days apart). I also have 2 SS one 19 and 1 17. Everything with the girls has been brilliant, they bicker as expected but get on and are best buddies really. Ive had so many problems regarding the sons though, not direct at me to begin with but in the end it was. Although in fairness we have all generally got on.
However, as of yesterday, I totally resent my SD. My partner and I have discussed numerous times having a baby, and recently it took off (we are both 37) so partner spoke with his sons and asked if they would be ok, which they said yay!! They would love it. SD on the other hand said no, and got all jealous and clingy. Thing is, as she is the youngest and the little girl, her dad and dads side of the family spoil her, and she is the centre of their attention, so she knows (after experience with a younger cousin on her moms side that came along) that she wouldnt get the same attention.
So as it stands, there will be no child. Im gutted. Ive put up with so so much thanks to the problems his lying and thieving SS create constantly, and the a Bio mom who is lower than a scutter rat. I have been abused in the street, online, lied about, threatened, all the usual physco Bio mom stuff.
I could be here for a long time going over what BioMom and sons have done, which includes having my home destroyed costing me and partner hundreds in plaster work, let alone the lies said about us by his own sons.
But the baby one has all but killed me regarding his kids. Dont know how to cope with it.
- stressedstep's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Ugh. All the psycho stuff
Ugh. All the psycho stuff you said happened to you happened to me (with SO 9 years) as recent as last month getting screamed at out in parking lot of SD17's school after her choral concert. Lovely. We just looked at each other, laughed and walked off (waiting for a ball bat to come down on our head, that is.)
Ridiculous is all I can say that your partner asked PERMISSION from his kids. When he was married to their BM, did he asked each child permission before they made the next? I think not. Normally I would NEVER promote this, but all I can say is, Honey, have your baby. From what I've seen, it's what most women do to get what they want. Also, it will take the emphasis off the jealous and clingy SD6. My SO and I don't have a bio and at 48 it is too late. He wanted one. I thought we already had enough problems with his two messed up kids, his ex and most of all...my 3 lovelys did not deserve any more distractions. Now I wish we had the one that had a piece of each of us. I think a lot of women will say, that is so wrong, bad advice, but honey, there are no rights and wrongs in this whole stepfamily mess when you are just trying to live a whole life.
If the SD controls your uterus at the age of 6, you are fuc#ed!
^^^ This! Since when you the
^^^ This! Since when you the children decide their parents reproductive decisions?? You and your hubs discuss the matter and the kids deal with your choice. They don't get a say.
This!! I'll be damn if a 6
This!! I'll be damn if a 6 year old is going to decide if I had a baby or not!! If she has that much power over your DH then you need to think about leaving yourself!!! WAY too much power for a child to have in an adult relationship!!!! RED FLAG ALERT!!
Something to consider to
Something to consider to piggyback on the comments above: IF your DH really doesn't want a baby but it's being "disguised" as a skid objection (as it seems to be in some of the recent posts about this issue) wouldn't it be better to find a new DH who WANTS a baby and start fresh? It really didn't work out very well for all the birth moms we know who deliberately got pregnant, did it?
(talking about the advice to get pregnant on the sly, of course)
>>>IF your DH really doesn't
>>>IF your DH really doesn't want a baby but it's being "disguised" as a skid objection (as it seems to be in some of the recent posts about this issue) wouldn't it be better to find a new DH who WANTS a baby and start fresh? <<<
DING DING DING!!!
Don't have a baby with someone that doesn't want to have a baby, regardless of the reason!!
I totally resent my
I totally resent my SD
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Try not to do that. SHE is the only one that is being normal in this situation. She is 6 years old FFS. How did he expect her to act when he throws something like that at her. Of course she will react that way.
How weird is it of your DH to actually ask his 6 year old DD for her permission to procreate. YUK.
Counseling ASAP!!
Agree with the above posters
Agree with the above posters that it is completely ridiculous for children to decide when adults are "allowed" to procreate. I suggest you give your DH 3 options:
1. You have a baby
2. You both go to a counselor
3. You get a divorce
Those would be the only options I would consider.
I hope your DH sees the light!
Hi All, Thankyou so so much
Hi All, Thankyou so so much for your comments.
I just want to clear a couple of things though, my OH didnt ask permission as such, just asked "what do you think its would be like to have a baby brother/sister" for example, it was more of an exploration to see how they would all react including my own daughter (although admittedly, when he said he would speak to his kids, I saw it as that too, but he explained that it wasnt permission, but given the circumstances and the wreck of a mother he wanted to ensure they werent going to be affected to much).
Also, re resenting SD, I adore her, she has had a tough old life so far, but is spoilt because of it from her dads side of the family. My own daughter did not react in the same manner, in fact she was the total opposite. And what I dont get is SD was fine with my daughter living with her dad,going out on trips without SD, but not a new baby.
After his "chat" with SD, OH still told me to have my contraception removed and he would speak with SD to assure her or whatever it is she needs. I wouldnt do it behind his back at all im afraid.
Oh. Above you posted, "So as
Oh. Above you posted, "So as it stands, there will be no child. " Maybe you feel you don't want one?
Sorry, I should have put that
Sorry, I should have put that even after his chat he has now told me to have it removed! Sorry, Im a bit all over at mo (trying to empty my head and missing things out! lol)
I didnt really talk to OH last night after it happened, he went out to see a friend after dropping SD home, and I went to bed to avoid a conversation when he got back. Ive had a swipe today and said "no, cos SD isnt happy with it so its one of them isnt it?", it hurt him though, I know he does want another child, but at the same time he wont put his "little girl" through the mill either
ETA - deleted after seeing
ETA - deleted after seeing OP's update.
You seriously cannot ask a
You seriously cannot ask a child if it is ok with them for you to have another child. That is a huge decision that only the two parents should be discussing. Hell, even asking the older boys was not ok. Like really what business is it of ANY of them what YOU and HIM decide to do? Parents these days are so guilty and it's disgusting.
Now, if he is asking HIS kids if it's ok with them, I would take that as a RED FLAMING FLAG to get out! That is an indicator of how your life will be for as long as you are with him.
And just re-read your post up
And just re-read your post up above. Either way, the children should be left out of major decisions.
Pretty much what everyone
Pretty much what everyone else said. I would NEVER ask my SD (or any bios, for that matter) permission to have a child! Over the past several years my SD10 has said that she didn't ever want a sibling, blah blah blah. We informed her that we did indeed plan on having children one day, not her decision. Well, we found out I'm pregnant back in November - had my 20wk scan today - and SD was super excited to become a big sister!
Try to talk some sense into your DH. I'm very sorry that you find yourself in this position. This conversation never needed to extend beyond you and DH. Even if you got pregnant right away, your SD would be 17 by the time baby is born and will be out of the house in a few years anyway. I just don't get asking children permission to procreate.
ETA: I'm sorry, just saw your update. I didn't read all the replies first bc I was so angry for you! I hope things work out the way you want!
Lol Thankyou for being angry
Lol Thankyou for being angry for me.....I was distraught!!
I didn't want them to be asked, as the normally immature and lazy (and I don't have much room to add the rest!) SS19 said "it isn't really anything to do with me, I don't live with you"
I kinda understood the little' uns though, just so they could understand...Truth? Im not sure what OH would have done if they all said no! lol
That would have been the break for us, I dont just want another baby...I want my partners baby!