You are here

Priorities

Stick's picture

I have read a lot of blogs / posts / responses about priorities... and I have been trying to think of mine..

And I have come to the conclusion that my priority is different every day.

I could say God first... but I'm not a very good Catholic. I try to live a good spiritual life, and be a good person. .... but I also know that according to the Catholic Church, I think I might be considered a "failure" (too many sins that I don't want to admit to on here...) Anyway... I can say that God is very important to me.

But the rest... ???

It depends on what day you ask.

Sometimes I am first. Sometimes DH is first. Sometimes SD is first. It's whatever I feel needs taking care of at the time.

It doesn't bother me to put DH and SD first... because when I need to I put myself first. Do you think that's the trick of navigating priorities?

Now, I have to admit.. I am writing this after changing my entire life due to BM's inadequacies as a mom, and DH having a good career opportunity. I have not worked in my own career for 1 year so far, and have given up about $70,000 in income because of it. We did this to raise SD in a more stable home. So now, the only way I get to put myself first is by getting a facial, or buying something that I might want.

By putting myself last in this last year's scenario, I am hoping that it comes back around. At least, I keep telling myself it will come back around!!

EEEK! I wonder how I will feel about changing priorities in 6 months? Do you think I will regret not putting myself first? So far, I haven't felt regret as much as anger, and a little bitterness, but mostly fear.

Or do you think, that we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves to by assigning priorities?

Comments

glynne's picture

I have blogged about the fact that I'm a sober alcoholic. There is a group known as WFS - Women for Sobriety. They take a slightly different approach than AA. Instead of the 12 steps - there are affirmations. You focus on 1 affirmation a day amd work it that day.

At times it's overwhelming to think of all of our priorities but by focusing one 1 at a time - it seems more doable. I use to pride myself on my multitasking abilities but as I've gotten older - I find that can do task more efficiently and do a better job and at times actually enjoy doing the task by narrowing my focus.

So my long winded response, Stick, is I think that you are onto something about prioritizing your life. Smile You made a conscious decision to put DH and SD first, you now are rethinking that. Not that you made a mistake but maybe you need to adjust and adapt. How did you get to be so smart? Wink

Stick's picture

Glynne! Smile I think you are sweet and I am definitely NOT smart! I am cranky and confused!! ha!

It's not that I think I made a mistake really. At the time, the decision for me to stay home and give up my career was really the best choice out of all of the choices we had. SD couldn't live with BM. DH had a fantastic career opportunity. I was already established in that career, but didn't have a current offer. So the choice was sort of made by circumstance, and lasted longer than we thought it would. (It was supposed to change in November of 09 and lasted thru til now!!)

So while I am rethinking it... it's not a choice I am ready to change yet. And that's what I mean I guess. My priority still hasn't changed. SD is first... DH is second... and I am third. And while I struggle - I definitely struggle with this, I am not ready to decide to put myself first.

I also have to give my DH props because if I did say "that's it... I want to travel and you stay home"... he would come home and give up his great job. So I think I am able to put him first because I know he would for me.

Maybe that's the trick of navigating priorities... having someone else that will put you first, lets you take the back seat without fear. Hmmm...

Anon2009's picture

Stick, not only are you smart, you are awesome! Smile

I would say I put SDs and DH equally before myself. I do that because I love them all equally, just very differently.

I don't think I'll be ready to put myself first until the kids are out of the house. I want to be the best role model I can for them, especially since BM is not. They have really flourished while living here and I want that to continue.

That being said, though, I do take "me" time in exercise, reading, taking a bath, or getting myself an occasional coffee.

Stick's picture

Anon my friend! Long time no talk! I hope you are well!

I am very happy to hear that your girls are flourishing. It makes the sacrifice worthwhile, doesn't it? So, being second or even third... comes with a PRIZE sometimes!! Smile

Stick's picture

Exactly...

I also still feel though that by assigning priorities... it's just another way of placing pressure on ourselves.

Sometimes I think when we do the whole "we have to take care of ourselves first" - it's just another way of saying what we SHOULD do.

I always have a problem with what people "SHOULD" do... because it just seems to imply negatives to me. Even when it's something that's generally considered positive.

Telling someone they should put themselves first is great advice, and could really help someone pull themselves up.

But ... It could also make them feel worse... It's another thing that could cause guilt, if they don't do it.

I really just want to sort of impart that we could maybe help ourselves by rolling with the punches to some extent. And that includes fighting to put yourself first when no one else will. And not feel bad about it when we take the backseat and play our role as caregiver, supporter, etc.

I am confused's picture

If you don't OCCASIONALLY put yourself first, you will not be able to continue putting others first when they deserve it.

Even saints get tired.

Stick's picture

I am Confused... Kat said this better than I did.. It's not about NEVER putting yourself first... It's about not beating yourself up if you don't and being okay with putting someone else before yourself when necessary.