Not sure what to do...think .. feel...
BM's mom is dying. She's 83, had another stroke, came home for a bit, and they just readmitted her today for congestive heart failure.
This woman was miserable to me, and hated me, and made sure that SD knew it. Also - the whole family had the "pack" vibe, and used to say nasty stuff to SD about me and make derisive comments about DH. Of course, she let DH mow her lawn and plow her driveway until BM got a new boyfriend, and I was in the picture... but until then.. he was great!
Anyway, I digress. This is bringing out a bunch of weird emotions, as dying does to people... For example..
I'm so wary of SD and her motivations that when she is struggling with her grandma's death, and watching her grandma in the state she is in (which is pretty bad - difficulty breathing, incoherent at times), that I am not always as sympathetic as I would be to someone else. I wonder if she is truly grieving her grandma or is just playing into the drama of it. And I have to check myself because I get frustrated because I didn't like the woman! SD said today that her Nana wasn't that great of a person in life, so watching her struggle in death makes her wonder if there is an afterlife, of if Nana is going to purgatory or whatever. At first I admit, I was not the most sympathetic listener. Between Nana being mean to DH and I, and SD's tendency toward drama, I was just like "Ugh...what are you really mourning??!!" (Not the best response, I know.) But then, like I said, I had to get over myself and try to comfort SD and tell her that I fully believed that Nana would go to Heaven and be with her husband because I think that God looks at a whole life and motivations, and not just the actions. So we talked about afterlife, and what we think it is... and how death brings out so many emotions in us all... anger, grief, relief, jealousies long buried, sadness, happiness. It really is a lot to deal with and we can't always control our thoughts, but we can control our actions. In the end, I tried to get SD to focus on the positive - that Nana had a long life, that she had 3 daughters who she truly loved, and that she lived long enough to see all of her grandchildren almost grown up and all doing pretty well.
BM is hanging on, but I know it is really hard for her of course. And what's worse is that SD told me that BM was listening to a very old cassette tape recently with "To DH from BM" back from when they were together. So I can imagine that BM's mom's death is bringing up all kinds of losses for BM. DH and I discussed that he will call her soon and give her some comfort. We both feel bad for her and want to offer support.
I'm dreading this, and also just wishing it was over, and she's not even related to me. It sucks...