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disengaging from stepdog is not working

sterlingsilver's picture

So we talk about disengaging from skids, well I am also trying hard to disengage from sdog and it's not working. I have not fed the dog for 3 days, not watered him, not brushed him or bathed his lately and guess what, that dog is hungry, matted and stinks. Last evening I was telling dh to brush him and take care of his orphan annie dog. I am threatening to call him "Annie" now just to get my point across.

I know we all shout about how inhumane it is to neglect animals, and maybe I should feed him, but this has gotten to the point where I am ready to walk out on my marriage not b/c of the skid but b/c of the sdog. I do not like this dog, he is a shihtzu and has a very posessive attitude about dh and thinks he is the prince of the house, he is HIGH maintainance like all toy dogs and yet dh has never once helped with his hair care, I always either cut the hair or pay to have it cut once I canNOT stand looking at the pathetic animal anymore.

My mom was a wise woman, she always said dogs belong outside and toy dogs don't belong in her home. She stood her ground and no one questioned her wisdom and yet here I am having to deal with a little shit in my home and hating it so much I am ready to end my marriage over this.

The worst is when dh says that me and the dog are the only two live things that make him happy in life. He puts me on equal level to that freakin dog. I usually get up and walk away when he says that.

So what I'd really like to know is what would any of you do if your spouse was so attached to their pet and you could not stand it at all, how do you deal??????


PeanutandSons's picture

Have you told dh that you no longer feed the dog? Have you mentioned to dh that you noticed his dog has no water? Or are you just waiting for him to notice that you just stopped doing those things?

Dogs aren't like kids where they can tell dh hey sm didn't feed us lunch today and we are hungry can you feed us. If you've disengaged from the dog then you need to flat out tell eh what you aren't doing anymore.

JMC's picture

Sorry, I too am an animal lover and I admit I have more compassion for animals than most humans. That poor dog deserves better. Do it a favor and turn it over to a rescue or no-kill shelter where it stands a chance of finding a forever home with someone who will take care of it.

Willow2010's picture

what you are doing is animal cruelty, and possibly a crime where you live. If no one in your home can bother to even feed the poor thing, sign it over to a rescue or shelter
Do it today please!

RedWingsFan's picture

^^^^THIS 100%. You should be ashamed for depriving the dog of food for so long. Starving a dog? My God, this pisses me off to no end.

I can't even say another word because 1. Echo did it already and 2. I'm so livid I'd say something that isn't becoming a Red Wings Fan!


RedWingsFan's picture

Um yeah, we may be Detroiters but we do have morals! LOL I've been called "harsh" "mean" "bitchy" and "cold" but I've NEVER been called an animal abuser!!

Harshing my morning mellow - oh how I love that! But yeah, I sign on and the first post I read is about someone starving a dog (regardless of how she feels about him) and yeah, that got my hackles up!

Lalena75's picture

Feed and water the damn dog or take it somewhere where it will at least get the basics fuck seriously! I get you want them to take care of it but what your doing is actually a criminal act! That's like refusing to feed a baby the dog can't take care of itself. If I can't or won't take care of an animal I will find it a home that will, so I suggest that's what you do.

PeanutandSons's picture

Honestly....I thought it was a joke when I first started reading it. I thought stepdog must have been a poster that was giving her problems and she was ignoring. It wasn't until I got to the part about her husband loving her and the dog equally I realized she wasn't speaking metaphorically.... And that she was actually neglecting a living breathing dog to get back at her husband and steps.

hurtandalone's picture

Oh FFS this is sick. I refuse to read or post on anything you write here again. What you are doing is abuse and you are a sick person. If no one will take care of this poor dog give him to someone who will.

Willow2010's picture

Not feeding him is bad enough, but he will die quicker with no water. And starvation and dehydration is not a painless nice death either. I feel so bad for this little dog. Please at least go give it water.

RedWingsFan's picture

Too bad we couldn't triangulate her location and send Animal Control or the Humane Society to her house to rescue the dog and slap her with charges of animal cruelty!

Willow2010's picture

Hopefully she will understand how serious this is once she reads all of these post. You would be surprised that some people feel that dogs are not people too!. Lol

But, I have a feeling she will be embarrassed when she gets back to read, and will shut down her account. I still hope some of this gets through to her before that dog dies.

RedWingsFan's picture

^^Me too Willow. All we can do is hope she sees how wrong she is, feeds and waters the dog and then removes herself from such a horrible situation. If she's willing to hurt an innocent animal to get back at her husband and his kids, she is obviously sick and not happy and needs to be away from them all.

TickedOff's picture

I have 2 Doberman Pinschers that I rescued. They were found on the side of the road in a bag and one of them had passed out and had to be resuscitated. The women at the rescue shelter told us they had been starved for days and then put in a bag and thrown out of a car window. You just made me cry. No dog should be treated that way. If you don't want him and your DH won't take care of him its time to give him up. If I knew where you lived I would take him. I don't think you are a horrible person. But you are making a bad choice to not care for that dog and I think its time too give him up.

RedWingsFan's picture

I LOVE Dobies! Bless you for saving them. I've done animal rescue, vet assisting and dog training for years. I honestly can't say how people can hurt, neglect or abuse animals and look themselves in the mirror the next day.

bi's picture

OMG.and people want to call me an irresponsible pet owner for a pet that i do not own because she got outside while in heat. btw, she does not show any signs of being pregnant, thank God. we have a doberman. she is the biggest baby ever. people look at her and hear her bark and they are instantly afraid of her, but the worst she would do is lick a person to death. she is 6 years old and has NEVER bitten anyone, not even nipped at them. she head butted me when she was being wild outside but she didn't mean to and was very sorry when i yelled at her and made her go in the house for not settling down. (that hurt for a couple of days, i swear her head is made of steel). anyway, we searched high and low for her, and got very lucky when someone nearby was selling pups. that did not have to happen to your dogs. they would have went fast if the "owners" had just looked for someone to take them or taken them to a shelter. we wanted to breed our dog so we would always have a dog that came from her with us, but there is no one local to breed her with, and she's getting older. Sad

WarmBody's picture

I agree, this is like refusing to feed a baby because DH won't. The animal is helpless and it needs food and water to live. It shouldn't die just to prove a point.

I get the feeling you don't like dogs in general. The person who likes dogs the least shouldn't be the one who takes care of it the most. DH needs to step up and you need to stop neglecting the dog. You could have killed it. A dog that small needs food on a much more regular basis than a large one who has more fat stores.

If you stop doing things for the dog that are essential someone needs to know. No one should be expected to keep an eye on you and know if you take care of the dog or not. All tasks regarding the dog probably don't take a lot of time and are done alone. There's no reason for anyone to notice and no one would try to give the dog two meals.

Please give the dog some food & water and tell your DH that you are no longer caring for it so he can do everything from now on. You should be ashamed. The dog is not a tool to be used for revenge - it is a living breathing creature.

hereiam's picture

This is terrible. This is a helpless animal that depends on humans for it's basic needs. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I am not an adamant animal lover, per se, but this is just wrong.

WarmBody's picture

Btw, at least he put you on the same level as the dog. I knew a girl who told her husband that she loves her cats more than him. ^-^ He didn't seem to mind!

StepX2's picture

I don't know if I'm about to cry or scream right now. What the hell is wrong with you?!?! This poor little dog cannot take care of himself and what you did is torture to this dog. Does your husband even know that you had stopped giving his dog food and water? I know you said that you told your husband to brush and take care of him but did you also specifically tell him to feed and water the poor dog because you had stopped doing it yourself and his dog hasn't had food and water FOR THREE FRICKIN DAYS!!
I wish I could take that dog from you!

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

This seems soooooo very out of context for Sterling!!! Im praying someone hacked her account or perhaps someone in her home posted this $
& not her!!!!!! Omg!!!

msg1986's picture

Wow... I try not to judge anyone here but this is disgusting. How can you think it's okay to not feed a dog for 3 days??? Is there not anyway to trace the this persons IP addr so the authorities can be called??? I was never a dog person before I got my chi & chi/terrier but even then I wouldn't think this is okay. Does your husband know that you aren't feeding them or are you just waiting for the poor thing to kill over so you can say, "haha look you didn't take care of your dog?". wow... just wow. I'm so pissed right now about this... how would you feel if you couldn't speak or fend for yourself and someone was purposely not feeding you just for the hell of it???


fedup13's picture

Haha, same here. OP if you are reading this... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE first off, give him some water, NOW and second feed him!!! Not coming down on you because I know that once pushed so far, people lash out and do crazy things out of frustration, but punishing this dog because you are mad at you DH for not taking care of it like he should is not the right thing to do!! Thank God my DH is as big of an animal lover as I am, our dog and our cat are our babies. We can't agree on much and fight a lot, but one thing we do agree on is how important and precious they are. I swear if I were to divorce him, we would be in court over these animals, no joke. We would have to have a custody order for them. PLEASE give this dog what it needs and contact local pet adoption agencies. If your DH is just dumb and clueless and does not know that you have stopped, tell him, if he won't take up the care of the dog, then please find someone that will. Man, the more I read this the more I want to beg you to do this.

Drac0's picture

>The worst is when dh says that me and the dog are the only two live things that make him happy in life. He puts me on equal level to that freakin dog. <

It is no wonder you despise this animal so. My ex put me on the same level as her cat. This cat was like Garfield. All it did was sleep 67 times a day and showed no affection whatsoever. It would sooner swat at you than let you pet it. I can't tell you the amount of times I wanted to take the thing for a "drive".

I'm kidding. I actually love cats....especially in stir fry.


I think you owe it to yourself AND your husband to let him know how you feel. To be placed on equal standing as a pet is not only insulting but hurtful.

You are his life partner. A pet is property.

You love, adore and cherish your life partner and are responsible for property, care for it and perform the required maintenance on said property. If it's the other way around, there's a problem.

RedWingsFan's picture

A pet is property

While I get your point to the OP about her disgust for the dog being placed on the same level as her in her husband's eyes, I most certainly don't agree with your statement above that a pet is property. Yes, in the eyes of the law, animals are considered personal property, but to families who truly treat their pets as members of the family, they're just that - family!

My kitty is my sweet boy who is mostly a pain in our asses but still, he's family. I couldn't cast him aside for any reason at all but I also don't shoo my husband away if he goes to kiss me while I'm holding the cat. I'll put the cat down, kiss hubby and then pick him back up again! Smile

Not trying to be a bitch, but this animal thread just hits home for me!

Drac0's picture

Okay replace instances of "are property" with "not intimate partners"

I once dated a girl who disengaged from me in order to tend to her attention-starved cocker spaniel.

That was my first clue that this relationship wasn't going anywhere.

I won't tell you what my second clue was...

RedWingsFan's picture

That's better.

And yes, I can totally understand the feeling of playing 2nd fiddle to someone's pet and wouldn't tolerate it either, but to neglect/abuse the pet because you're pissed at their dumbass owner is just plain ignorant and uncalled for.

I'm not going to guess what the second clue was...

Peaches1973's picture

Its not working....because the dog isnt dying fast enough?

I am animal lover and this makes me so angry I cant see straight.I have 3 rescued pitties who were picked up in bad shape.They were starving,it was so bad you could see every bone and rib.God knows how long they were without water and the thought or knowledge of anyone abusing an innocent animal fills me with rage.
I honestly hope this is someones idea of a joke because if you are serious you are severely lacking a soul.
Its not like this poor dog can just decide to walk to the store and buy some food,its at the mercy of someone who is abusing it to get back at DH because she's jealous.
That makes you a sick fuck.
The PC thing to say is that I hope you follow everyones advise and IMMEDEATELY feed and water the poor thing AND THEN find it a home.
What Im really hoping for is that the poor dog chews your face off,steals your car and wallet and takes off to McDonalds for a bag full of cheeseburgers.
This is akin to abusing infants and the elderly-not cool.

Onefootout's picture

What's sad is one of the things that makes it hard for me to leave is my SO's dog. SO and SS almost never refill his water bowl. I am constantly filling up a completely dry water bowl. Poor dog is constantly panting. And I am the only one who thinks its necessary to scoop poop in our teeny tiny yard, so 3 dogs are not wading in their own poop.


Hope the poster wasn't too put off. The good ladies (and gentlemen, I shouldnt presume only ladies) who comment have strong opinions. But they are all right. sometimes the dogs can be so comforting when I feel left out and excluded.

sterlingsilver's picture

Ok, I asked for all your comments and I got them. I should have worded my frustrations a bit milder. Just to clear up one thing - the dog ate off of dh's and ss's plates and drank from the cat dish. I would never let an animal starve. I am not a monster, though I may have sounded like one and you all reacted and rightly so. I aplogise for for being a jerk and dh and I just sat and talked, I read my post and your responses and he was so sorry that I feel that way about his dog and he hopes maybe we can work harder on caring for the dog *together* and also having ss16 get more involved in the bathing and feeding so that it doesn't all fall on my shoulders. I guess too I am so overwhelmed with full time working, buying a house and packing to move, dh's cancer, it all gets so overwhelming that at times I just want to run. There are times when I think of how much easier my life would be without dh, ss and sdog, but then I would also be very lonely. Sorry for being a jerk and from now on I will be more careful.

fedup13's picture

I am SO relieved!!!! I was really hoping that was the case, that you were just frustrated, that you left out details, etc. I think I overfed my dog and cat today in reaction to your post! I understand what you mean all the way on how at times you think it would be so much easier to just run away. I feel like that a lot too.

Onefootout's picture

I'm so glad. I was worried you would never post on here again. And I'm even happier to hear DH is seeing the light.

sterlingsilver's picture

Well I think at times it takes something a bit drastic for dhs to see the light. I think him reading my unhappiness on here, and like you all he said he was shocked I felt this way, cuz normally I hold it all in and only write how I feel on here, so he was sorry and he promises to care for the dog more and have ss16 care for him more too. It's not that I dislike or neglect animals at all, in fact my cat is about 16 lbs and loves to eat too. I feed her and hug on her all the time and she's always sitting beside me watching me on the computer. I guess it boils down to me being a cat person and dh being a dog person and it's hard to mix. In fact the cat is always on the couch beside me and the dog on the couch beside him while we're watching tv. It was all pure frustration on my part; especially when I go down the woe is me road.

At first I wanted to delete and then my husband said, well you asked them for their thoughts, they gave it, but they also don't live here and know you and that you couldn't hurt a flea (on that shih tzu)!

RedWingsFan's picture

Good to hear. I was seriously wanting to come hunt your ass down woman! Especially after I saw a video of an asshole murdering a horse to taunt animal activists against him opening a horse slaughter facility in New Mexico. They came back to back, your post and this video and at that point I was just on FIRE with anger.

Glad to hear that the dog is ok and you're working through things!

StarStuff's picture

I read the follow up blog first, and am just now reading the original. I'm not here to bash you - I'm glad that you clarified for us though! Was wondering though - just b/c you didn't feed/water the dog for 3 days doesn't necessarily mean someone else wasn't doing it, right? At least I hope someone was. And I'm glad that your husband now understands the seriousness of the situation. All of the dog care should fall to him since it's HIS dog. Hell, I have a cat and I don't expect anyone else in the house to feed/water her or clean up her random vomits and acts of revenge unless I am out of town or seriously ill. Hopefully now with the medications to help and your DH helping out with his dog you'll maybe feel a bit kinder to it.