Six Months of Freedom
... from SS19 living here, disrespecting our home, lying to me and DH in our home, coming home high & with his still-illegal-at-his-age weed stash, not cleaning up after himself or in any way contributing to the household upkeep (or even his own laundry and personal hygiene!), manipulating for money and rides, etc.
What's it like? Relief, freedom, and a lot of hope. DH has had to see how much peace and harmony our household has. He still maintains ideations of SS living here & going to CC in some future semester (since SS19 carried on his tradition of just talking about but not actually signing up for CC last semester or the current semester) but that's not a threat since SS19 has also 100% neglected to 1) ever come get his belongings, 2) apologize for getting himself kicked out, nor 3) done any work on his relationship with me. So, I find myself with 99% less anxiety over any possibility of him ever clearing the path to even have me CONSIDER letting him live here again.
So I still read ST nearly every day. I am amazed at and grateful for all the wisdom and encouragement ya'll shared with me when I was going THROUGH it. I owe you all a debt of gratitude, and wanted to post this new blog to both THANK YOU experienced step-Guru's AND to encourage others who are either in, or approaching, similar situations.
Reading the similar situations, I stand AMAZED at alll we (me, DH, SS19) went through, and further amazed (this is where my gratitude really kicks in) that I found such a supportive, knowledgeable, experienced, compassionate, humorous community where I not only belonged, but I got to learn so much invaluable info on how to establish boundaries, how to discuss with DH, how to deal (or NOT deal!) with SS19's shenanigans.
Me & DH have taken vacations, gotten closer, and are planning our future together. It is imperfect, of course, but 9 billion times better than it was when I was fearing the triangulation/Guilty Daddee lifestyle would never end. DH has since confided in me that I was right, that SS19 is now learning valuable "adulting" lessons at his job, living with NPD BM, life-in-general, etc.
So all that to tell the regulars, old-timers, and newbies here at ST that I am super grateful for you all. I seriously doubt I would be enjoying this freedom if I hadn't learned so much here on this site from all who have gone before me. I really truly doubt my marriage would have survived much more of the reign of super-sweet but highly-manipulative SS continuing to work my DH's Guilty Daddee post-divorce to HCBM syndrome.
One of the best and most effective tools I got from StepTalk is the written LAUNCH PLAN. I cannot recommend it enough - 100% worked in my situ! Having something in writing, agreed-to by DH and SS19, a year before graduation set it up in advance so well that son-of-a-NPD-BM couldn't manipulate/guilt/triangulate/dramatate (did I just made up a new word?!?) my DH into overriding MY boundaries once SS graduated and was old enough to both vote and serve in our armed forces (= one more thing SS talked about but did no actual footwork toward). And so now, today, I'm basking in the relief that I no longer live with someone I can't trust or anyone who refuses to contribute.
It. Is. Glorious!!!!
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again to my StepTalk peeps!