Holidays, Healthcare, Future
All these are on my mind. I've been avoiding talking to DH about anything because it all comes back to: is DH seriously going to try to have SS18 live here in January (assuming SS is driving, insured, enrolled, and attending community college by then)? It's now been two months since DH kicked SS18 out, and I really REALLY like not living with SS.
Last night DH slid a comment into a conversation and I couldn't believe it. I've been telling him that instead of just assuming we'll use my insurance, I want to review what DH's company offers this Open Enrollment period. Weeks ago I re-stated this, even though DH argued that his boss has already reviewed their options and said they suck. Last night, DH randomly mentioned we didn't even need to LOOK at his benefits summary, then went on talking like his proclamation was done & should remain unchallenged. He later noticed I was not thrilled, asked me why, argued why he made the comment, argued why we should believe his boss (who has 3 adult bio-kids living at home so not a role model for me) instead of me reviewing what's available from both of our companies. Really, it's about money. DH later apologized for being a dick, but the unspoken issue remains the same. The fact that DH tried to shut me down with that comment really sucks, in fact, seems to he right out of SS's playbook (= use of a non-sequitor cryptic statement as an announcement with the assumption that immediate lack of opposition equals acceptance).
Rather than post my fears, I am going to do some research, then tell my husband I want to discuss plans and boundaries before we budget Christmas. DH has mentioned SS either living here again OR getting some kind of financial support from DH in the future. Either one is bad, and there's NO TELLING DH that instead of focusing on SS learning to be independent, he seems to be focused on wanting SS to come back for an unspecified period of time. I don't want to host SS anymore but see DH focused on getting SS driving, still calling the room "SS's room," and buying SS stuff like new shoes. I don't mind DH doing nice things for SS like that, and I know I do not want to live with SS again. But DH hears from SS how uncomfortable living with BM is, and DH feels sorry for him. I don't comment but am not hearing anything about SS doing anything beyond complaining. My thought is, "If you don't like living WITH her (BM), don't be surprised StepUltimate doesn't want to live with someone (SS) who lives JUST LIKE BM." I spent 5+ years modeling how to get up every day and do LIFE, yet someone who hasn't yet even looked through the boxes of sh*t I packed for him since he refused to clean his old room (even after getting kicked out!) thinks he's gonna waltz back in & continue the lifestyle that got him kicked out in the 1st place?
Just writing about this pisses me off. I'm in the eye of the hurricane, but wanting to be past the whole thing. I spent 5 years raising and supporting my SS and he got kicked out for not complying with the basic, announced-years-in-advance RULES because it was more important to be a lazy, lying stoner. Now he's got DH feeling sorry for him and I am basically feeling sorry for myself that it's NOT over yet. I have been enjoying the Empty Nest with DH but all this unresolved SS-stuff is swirling just below the surface.
Just going to take care of me & do some research. Had to blog to get all these thoughts out of my head. Thank you for being here on ST.