DH flip-flopped, I am upset: What to do?!
So I commited Crimes Against Disengagement today and asked DH about when SS is moving out, because so far today, SS slept in past 9:30, and brought our new movie to his friends house to watch it, then return so DH can take him driving. In my car. That's not even why I'm pissed!
I am angry because DH says, "I want to help MY SON" but has no answers on HOW THE EFF is it "helping" an 18 year old whose ONLY requirement for continuing to live here is to be enrolled in community college and pay own gas & insurance. Semester begins next week and SS18 has no license, no car insurance, and has not enrolled. Therefore, as I reported discussing with DH last week, DH needs to kick him out. But now?
DH came at me today with "I WANT TO HELP MY SON. HE NEEDS MORE TIME." Total flip-flop from last week. Also tried to accuse me of several things (being too rigid, making everything about me, thet I just want SS gone... the usual from what I read on ST), but none of it stuck. I stayed calm, told the truth, asked WHAT POSSIBLE benefit has come or WILL come from continuing to enable SS to skate & just party his $$ (SS has a p/t job) away with no responsibilities or accountability for anything, including driving & education?
I am already offended at DH being SILENT on SS's lack of contributing around the house (every 2-3 weeks when SS randomly empties the dishwasher wow, is that supposed to be sn impressive contribution?) since high school ended over two months ago. SS comes & goes as he pleases, often gone for days at a time, his room is a smelly nightmare (last cleaned 2 years ago by me & DH during SS's vacation to visit his cousins... that was my idea & tickets purchased by me).
DH actually just returned (silent treatment) after like 10 minutes... guess the "driving practice" was just another opportunity to drive SS to his friend's house. Way to get chumped again, DH. How about you blame me for that too?!
I am upset that DH flipped, and told him it's a 180 from his position last week, when our discussions encouraged me so much (I posted on the Teen or Adult Skids forum, forget which). Today I told him I'd overridden all my instincts and boundaries to step back & trust DH to keep his word, but IT'S APPARENTLY NOT ENOUGH because now SS18 "needs more time" and DH needs to "HELP MY SON" but to me, that's code for SH*T NOT GONNA CHANGE" and I am NOT down with that!
<<Aside, my apologies for the all-caps. My soul is screaming in frustration, and I need to write it here so I don't lose my cool with DH. He's been baiting me with the vloomy silent "nothing's wrong." treatment. I've known he's been depressed for weeks about the evident path SS has chosen, but now wants to go back on terms we agreed to, put in writing, and published on SS's door back in December 2017: The timeline and sequence of the Launch Plan...
Eff the paranoia and need for anynonimity for a moment: I get paid nicely to do editing, layout, graphics, photography, web, social media, recruiting, business development, and competitive pursuits for a very successful firm and have done this for over a decade. I try to stay humble but have to report that my graphic timeline with goals - each goal had 3 bullets of specific tasks needed to successfully reach those goals. Graduation, Driving, Military, and Phone. It is my InfoGraphic masterpiece, prophetic & accountability-documentstion, with kick-ass icons & color palette. >>
I hate it that I have come against my husband. I do not want an undisciplined and uncorrected young man with zero responsibilities being enabled to continue to do nothing here. I love SS18. It is appeasing him, not helping him, lo offer him another 6 months of this lazy, entitled lifestyle.
I'm angry my DH lets SS disrespect him, me, our home... just because SS is charming doesn't nean he's not w lazy, manipulative young man who refuses to take BABY-STEPS (like in what about Bob) toward adulting.
Don't do a 180 and then blame me for having trouble trusting you.
I need to tell DH "You're gonna break me if you don't keep your word" but grabbed my phone to type it out here, instead. Just then, DH walked into the room and said, "I'm not gonna break my word." Then sat down next to me and detailed his concerns about SS living with BM. I asked what makes DH think SS would spend anymore time over @ BM's house than the less-than-24-hours-per-week he's spent here since graduation? No answers. I further pointed out that SS18 is tall, confident & independent with an attitude and a mouth, so does DH really see 5-foot-nothing BM gonna terrif6 little billy into a cowering bundle of tears? Hell no, he'd do exactly what he does here & bail after delivering some kind of victimitis-infused Last words.
Don't keep asking to not talk about it but then follow me to the room I went into to get away from you so I could write about it since you don't want to talk to your wife about it! (OMG he literally xame out here to the garage to tell me I don't have to sit out here in the heat and can come watch the new Avengers movie with him).