SteppingUp's Blog
I have to prompt BM to give affection to her own kids.
This happens so often and I've mentioned it before but today was a doozy. BM hasn't seen her son since Sunday. And only saw SD6 for a little while at the school Christmas party on Tuesday.
Would you have another child if it weren't for skid/step situation?
I was sitting in the waiting room today at my OB/GYN, to get my birth control. Of course, a bunch of cute little pregnant women were coming in and out. I was pondering what life would be like if we have another child...and what life would be like if we didn't have skids and we had another child. I try to come to terms with the fact that I chose DH, therefore chose this situation.
SD6's Christmas party - of course BM is more interested in the young male teacher than anything else!
I should always remember that when I'm stressed/nervous about being somewhere that BM will be, that I'll end up giggling about things afterwards!
Tell me about your ups and downs with BM....where did you start and where have you been?
When I first met BM I made the pact with myself that I would never do anything to make her look at me in a bad light. I never wanted to give her an excuse to dislike me. Over the course of the last two years...all the moments of lies and hurtful things she has done, her disrespect and inconsideration for us, it's all built up so much. In the past few months, she and I have tried communicating more, which has also led to some of my own feelings being directed at her rather than through DH.
The walking on eggshells dance with BM.....OUR family photo ridiculousness.
So this is somewhat related to my previous post today...
It drives me crazy how much you have to walk on eggshells around BM just to keep the peace. I asked her if she had new jeans for the kids, or I'd go buy some for our family pics. She said they have new ones they can wear. I asked if they had brown shoes. She said yes, SD6 does, no, SS4 doesn't. It was pretty clear that I was willing to buy them what they needed. So I bought SS4 some shoes to wear for our pic (not even new ones, second hand ones).
I'll probably get a lump of coal in my stocking for this...
This happened last Sunday but I haven’t had a chance to post about it, and since I’m still laughing about it, I think it’s still a good post! 
A few weeks ago BM asked if she could have SS4 at 1:30 on Sunday because they are getting family pics taken (she usually gets him around 6pm). We told her that if she wants him at noon, she could take him then since DH works at noon anyway. She said that'd be fine!
Tell BM I'm helping with SD's Christmas party at school or not?
At the beginning of the school year I emailed SD6's teacher to ask her to keep us updated on school events or any notes she sends home, as we don't see them sometimes. She's been AWESOME with us, keeping us in the loop. Last week she emailed telling me that they're having a Santa's Sleigh Decorating party, and if we want to volunteer to help out we can. So I signed up myself and DH (DH isn't sure yet if he can go). I asked if SD's parents have signed up yet, and she said she hasn't heard from either.
Dear BM: A parent is supposed to help censor things from the child (...a 6 y.o. does not need to see Breaking Dawn)
A little background: I am a fan of the Twilight movies and books to some degree. We get HBO, and they're always on, and I'm famous for turning on movies I've already seen while I'm doing household things. The skids have never seen the movies, just parts, and there have been times when it's on when they come over and SD6 would say "This movie AGAIN!?" and wouldn't pay much attention to it.
BM can do it, but it's the end of the world if I even mention her keeping HER daughter.
Now that DH is working retail hours, he isn't home some nights during the week. Which means it's me with SD6, SS4, and our BS on the weeks we have the skids (on nights he works late). A couple of months ago, DH asked BM if she'd be willing to keep SD6 on those nights, to make it easier for me. She threw a huge fit about it -- she doesn't want to separate the kids, she doesn't think it's right that I don't "want" SD6, etc, blah blah blah SteppingUp is such a bad person for even wanting this to happen.
How do you find balance? BM's house = ineffective discipline. Ours = consistent rules/consequences.
The skids know that when baby goes to bed, it's quiet time in our house. We use that 45 minutes for snuggle time with the skids and for them to unwind. We've been really harping on having respect for others when they're sleeping -- like in the morning when they wake up before everyone else, it's ok to be awake, but you need to find something to do quietly...you know?