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What would you do? SS7 stashing used pull ups...

SteppingUp's picture

I'm so beyond grossed out right now. SS7 still needs to wear pull ups at night. We have tried everything but can't seem to make anything stick -- but that's not the issue here. He knows the first rule of the morning is to take off his pull up the moment he wakes up and throw it away. This has been the rule since he was able to do this... Like 3 years old. His 3 year old brother (my BS) knows this and does so as well.

A few months ago I was cleaning out a storage area by our water heater. It's the back of a utility closet in our basement. I found two old, discarded pull ups thrown back there. We confronted SS7 about this and he got some sort of punishment for it. He had no excuse why he did this and our guesses are that he either forgot to take it off one morning and then we woke up and he thought he needed to stuff it somewhere. The other thought is that he had it on before bed, and peed in it (which has been another issue we have had occasionally) so he needed to find a spot to stash it again before he would be scolded for this.

So anyway, I'm cleaning that area out again today. There are now SIX discarded pull ups in that location. I'm sooooooooo soooo grossed out. How do we handle this? Especially since he is doing this to AVOID BEING IN TROUBLE....even though he got in trouble for doing this thing before. I told DH this calls for BIG punishment. But DH is having guilty daddy syndrome because SS has been saying things lately like he doesn't think we love him as much as his mom does, and that he feels like things aren't fair at our house and that his little brother gets everything. I think a lot of this is just a phase, and his big sister filling his head with stuff, too.... And also just finally at that age where he is sensing sibling rivalry and such because he can't actually think of anything that has actually been unfair or mistreatment. Anyway, these are reasons DH is totally going to take this lightly.... And then stepmom (me of course) gets to be the bad guy.

What would you do?


tessa12's picture

I wouldn't do anything other than have his dad tell him privately and gently, "Please put your pull-up in the trash in the morning." He's terribly embarrassed. We have similar issues with overnight training here, and as frustrating (and gross) as it is for you, it's not the kid's fault.

oneoffour's picture

I agree. He is doing this because he is picking up how you feel about his bed wetting. Some kids can't help it. The little chemical that is triggered in your brain to tell you "Hey kidneys! I am asleep. So concentrate that urine and wake me up if you get too full." obviously isn't working in him yet. My youngest wet his bed until he was 9.

So he hides the pull up so he doesn't get into trouble for wetting the pull up. So what is the point of the pull up then? As Fire said, sit him down. Tell him you hope he grows out of it soon but for now he wears a pull up to bed ONLY. Not during the day. And when he is no longer wetting his bed he can go for sleepovers to his friends places.

He is probably delaying the inevitable disappointment you have in him. Hence is comparison to BS and you guys not loving him as much. It is all very well for you to deny it to him but actions not words are needed.

internaltwist's picture

Exact same thing with my SD. She wet her bed until she was 12. She did the same thing. She'd stuff them in her closet or under her bed. After a week or so and the smell is just getting worse and worse my wife goes and cleans her room and finds half a dozen of them. This happened a LOT. We tried the alarm too but the same thing happened, she would either not have it on properly or would just turn it off. I was beyond disgusted. She finally grew out of wetting just a few months ago. We think puberty finally enlarger her bladder enough. I don't know what to tell you because nothing we did worked. Wish we could beat the "lazy" out of them. Good luck to you.

Jewals's picture

My SS did this last year or so .. He was 8-9 at the time .. Same rules as yours ... I kept smelling something in their room and would go searching never could find it .. So I finally found 6-8 of them tucked between the top bunk and the wall. His daddy had offered him a bribe that if he could go an entire week without wetting the bed he would do something special .. So he was waking up wet and changing pull-ups and going to show his daddy he had a dry diaper on .. Of course he denied until I handed him the bag full of them

SteppingUp's picture

Oh my gosh!!! Ughhhhhh. See my longer reply below -- I do think this was a similar reason that he did this. For the praise he received for having "dry nights"

blueorblackink's picture

Have his breathing checked. My daughter's adenoids were fused and she couldn't breath it was causing her to wet the bed at night when she stopped breathing. No one knew. We had everything checked, we tried every trick. It was her breathing not her bladder. From the day she got her adenoids removed she never wet the bed again. It is worth looking into.

SteppingUp's picture

I have read about that as well -- also he does (to me and web md Smile ) show some symptoms of sleep apnea which can do the same. I definitely want to take him to the dr for a check up on this issue so I will for sure ask about that!

SteppingUp's picture

I appreciate all the advice. I do want to clarify, he has never gotten into trouble for wetting his pull up. we are really sensitive about it. He very often forgets to take it off first thing and THAT is what we are most concerned about him doing. We have to ask every morning if he has taken it off yet, and about 90% of the time he hasn't yet. It is never something we make a big deal about, we just say "okay - you know what to do." And we don't harp on it. However, his older sister RIDES HIM about bed wetting (and she constantly gets in trouble for that!)

However, after thinking about this some more I have realized that he has been occasionally lying to me about having dry nights. Upon asking him if he has taken his pull up off, there have been a few times in the past few months that he said he had a dry night so he put his pull up back in his drawer. I didn't question it or check, but of course praised him. After he received praise I think he kept doing it... (Hiding the wet pull up) because now I remember last week he told me he was out of pull-ups and I didn't think that could be possible. Now I'm more annoyed by the lying.

I definitely understand WHY he did all of this. His need for praise (as all of us need, esp kids), and his desire to not get into trouble. We made him clean it up himself and discussed why it was not a cleanup/hygienic thing to do, and that we have no problem with him wearing a pull up but that he needs to clean up after himself. We discussed the lying as well and I told him I'm most disappointed about that - that he lied about it numerous times in order to make me happy with him. We explained how he makes us the happiest when he does things right, and does things that he knows are right, rather than choosing the wrong choice. Talked about choices, etc. I think it hit home.

Again, thanks for the input! I value all of it. I usually write posts when I'm in a high-stress moment and it helps me to vent - and feel a clearer mind for myself.