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SD and BM 'scrounging' for money again...

stepoff's picture

SD20 is on birth control pills. 3 months ago or so, we received a bill for her prescription twice (she was on DH's insurance until recently). She finally paid it. So a bill came in the mail again on Thursday from the mail order pharmacy for SD20's pills. This is the 2nd bill we've received for this particular prescription. She never seems to have the money to pay for this, and was not working all summer until about 3 weeks ago (her choice). Mind you, it's only the deductible amount, not the full amount of the prescription. Anyone who knows me knows that I've been thru bankruptcy court in 2003. I swore to myself that that would NEVER happen again. I don't want any phone calls, letters in the mail, no harrassment regarding payments of any kind. When a bill comes in the mail, it is paid IMMEDIATELY.

So I put the bill in the mail addressed to her home. It arrived on Saturday. Saturday night, DH received a phone call from BM. He, in his lack of judgement, answered the call. She proceeds to BITCH him out (I can hear her thru the cell phone) because I sent the bill. Yes, it wasn't the fact that her daughter didn't pay the bill or that she is irresponsible, but just the fact that the envelope had MY writing on it. OMG, the drama! The call went on for about 5 minutes, all the while he is just listening and every now and again throwing in an "uh-huh". HELLO??? How about hanging the phone up?? Or telling her and her daughter to just pay the freaking bill??? Then they won't have to see the bill again!

BM tells DH that HE should pay it because SD doesn't have the money. Um, the last time I checked, neigher of us is on birth control. The last time I checked, there was no law against SD getting a job and paying her own bills! DH rallied for SD telling me that she 'had to pay her car insurance' and blah, blah, blah. Excuse me, she lives with BM and the only bills she has is her prescription, gas, car insurance. And again, she could have GOTTEN A JOB FOR THE SUMMER!

Yesterday, he called BM back and told her that his relationship with his daughter is his business, and that I'm his 'current wife' (huh? current? who's next?), and that she's not to call and bitch him out again. Great for DH, but judging from the last time something like this happened, he's due to be on the phone with her again this morning appologizing for yelling at her on the phone yesterday.

I'm just at my wits end. Our dishwasher is broken and we can't afford to even get a new one right now. I returned a handbag that I bought last weekend because we just don't have the money right now. But yeah, let's pay for birth control pills! So, I broke down and paid the bill. $80. I almost regret it because it's exactly what BM and SD wanted, and how is that going to teach either of them anything?? But it's done. So I told DH that it should come out of her Christmas money this year.

Is that wrong? Did I do the right thing? Or should I just have let her figure out her own way of paying her bill? Dh said that SD will cut his hair for him to 'work it off', but that just means that I have to deal with her coming over here more often. Besides, WE NEED THE MONEY. It's always an issue of money with these 2 women and I'm just sick of it. SD's attitude is irritating, but I can handle it cuz she only visits maybe every 2 months (thank goodness), and BM and I have never spoken - again, thank goodness.

(sorry about the rambling...)


BMJen's picture

Why did you pay the bill? You shouldn't have, IMO. I wouldn't have. Bill collectors be damned. I get bills in the mail all the time from our insurance company for SD 21. I either forward them on to her or hang on to them and give them to her when she comes for her visit, depending on how long it'll be before she comes.

She's 21. She has a live in bf, she has a job, she's in college, she can pay her own damn bills. My SD 21 that is.

Your SD, she is the one on the pill, she lives at home with mommy, she has no job - but she should. To bad BM and SD, it's your prob, not nomorefaking's.

I know you already did it this time, but I wouldn't again. And I would have a serious talk with DH about the hair cut bullshit. That's just a way for him to let her get away with it and not have any responsibility.

stepoff's picture

Hi Jen. The only reason I paid it this time is cuz the bill is under DH's name. He's the primary on the insurance so if it goes to collections, they're coming after him, not SD. It's complete BS. But the reason why BM got so pissed off is because I sent the bill, not DH. God forbid she should have to look at MY handwriting on the envelope. She's just a petty, spoiled bitch. And so is SD. I'm so over those 2.

And I already e-mailed him at work and told him that if she is gonna cut his hair to do it at the salon now. She just got a job on Saturday. I don't want her here. I can't stomach looking at her face anymore.

Rags's picture

Don't pay the Birth-Control bill but do tell SD that you will pay for her Birth-Control from now on ....... then give her a penny and tell her put it between her knees, squeeze her knees together and keep the penny there anytime a male is around.

WFT!!!!!!!!!! DH needs to cut both his Daughter and XW off forcefully and forever. Especially on birth-control.

Just my opinion of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

stepoff's picture

OMG, a penny! That's it! Even cheaper than condoms. You're a genius!
And you're right about him cutting them off forcefully. The call yesterday was too nice IMO.

belleboudeuse's picture

Don't do this anymore! Don't help this kid to continue to be entitled and a wart on society's a**. She is 20, for god's sake -- time to grow up now.

And I agree with Jen -- that haircut thing is bull, especially because it will MAYBE happen once. She will never "pay it off".


- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

imagr8tma's picture

Wow! Good one Rags ,"then give her a penny and tell her put it between her knees, squeeze her knees together and keep the penny there anytime a male is around. "

In my opinion - someone needs to have a talk with SD and her mom. If she is not responsible enough to pay her BC pill bill - then she is not responsible enough to be having sex. How does she complain about her dad not paying her Birth Control at 20 years old... AND her mother supports this. Geez.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

stepoff's picture

Thanks for all your replies ladies. I appreciate it. And I agree with every single one of you!!

LONGTIME SM's picture

I agree with the suggestion that you need to call the mail order prescription company and tell them that she can no longer fill her prescriptions thru the mail - this will force SD to have to go to a pharmacy which will require SD or BM to pay the copay when the drug is picked up. Of course, this could also result in SD not taking bc and you coujld wind up with even worse problems. In the long run, you may be better off griting your teeth and paying the deductible for another year until she turns 21 - at which time you will most likely not have to continue to insure her. However, this way you have peace of mind that there should be no suprises to further complicate your life until she is clearly past the age of legal adulthood. Just something for you to consider.

frustrated stepmom's picture

hahaha next time type and print out the envelope using your computer...take away her reason to complain Smile Also, if SD is so broke that she can't pay the co-pay tell her that she can get a prescription from her DR for Tri-Sprintec and it costs $9 at Wal-Mart for a month supply and that's without insurance. I don't know your co-pay is but $9 might be less...I don't know what to do if she doesn't want to take a daily pill Smile At 20 can't she be dropped from your DHs insurance? If her and BM are so ungrateful stop doing them the huge favor of allowing her to be on your plan. You two are already paying enough to have her on the plan and then for her to expect you guys to pay all her co-payments is a little much Smile Is BM required to pay 50% of medical costs?

stepoff's picture

No. SD is required to pay her portion of what isn't covered because she is of legal age. Nothing in the divorce papers regarding that, so it's her bill. I repeat - HER bill. But it's neither here nor there. She finished beauty school in July, so she is no longer covered under DH's insurance. I think that's one of the reasons why this bill was on her 'back burner'. She figured she wouldn't have to order anything from the mail order pharmacy anymore, so why pay it. She just left the bill hanging and I don't think she had any intention of paying it, although DH doesn't agree. I told him that he has 'rose colored glasses' on when it comes to SD. He also thinks that BM went thru SD's stuff and opened her mail. I told him that SD 'cried' to mommy cuz of how mean SM is for sending her HER bill (SD cries to Mommy whenever someone is 'mean' to her, and mommy calls and bitches at the mean person). How dare I. But BM confirmed it on the phone Sunday. Said that she was told by SD that I sent it. DUH! I mean, how is it that I can read these 2 women, but DH, who lived with them for 15 years, doesn't get it? SD plays him all the time and he just doesn't see it.