My DH and his whole family are a bunch of "forgiving" Christians - nothing against any religion.. I have no issues with that and I respect their belief. However, they just seem to forgive everyone and let everything go - because that is "God's way"..

I don't share this belief. I'm a pretty forgiving person - to a point. Once I forgive you and reset the score to zero I can act like nothing bad ever happened and not hold a grudge.

However, there are some people - in my opinion - that are rats and do not deserve forgiveness or a second chance/do over, etc.

Case in point - my husbands cousin, Jake. When I met DH he was living with Jake to help him cover his bills while going through a bitter divorce.

We had met up with Jake a couple of times to have drinks early in the relationship and I was sickened at the things Jake was saying about his ex wife. It wasn't your normal "she's a bitch" stuff.. more like "I should have punched her harder" stuff.. and worse.

I voiced my discomfort to DH and he made some excuse for him, but agreed he was wrong for talking like that in front of me. In hindsight, I should have kept my mouth shut because this opened the door for Jake to voice his "opinions" of me to DH.. not sure how he could have any since I spent a total of 2 hours with him in a 6 month timeframe, but oh well..

As the relationship with DH progressed, Jake became jealous because DH never went out with him - DH spent all his time with me.. So Jake would send him pic of girls he "banged," provide him with all the nasty (probably made up) details or forward pics girls sent him "for his eyes only" - pretty much trying to get me pissed at DH and to try to get DH back over to the single party mode side.

Then Jake got in dating sites and would forward girls profiles to DH.. again, to just be a dick.

DH didn't keep any of this from me - and he also would tell me stories about things Jake was doing.. Like sleeping with a girl he was "exclusive with" early one evening (she was only 19), kicking her out so he could go out with his buds and then that same night screwed some bartender he brought home - all without protection since he has a vasectomy! Oh, and the fact that he has HPV.. nice.

Anyways.. this guy was scum. That alone is enough reason for me to hate him. But DH is of the opinion "he is family and blood is thick".. so he stays friends with him. Yea, it annoyed me, but I can't pick his friends.

Then, much later in the relationship I find out that Jake has been badmouthing me to a lot of family members.. including DH's ex wife - who he would often hang out with. WTF?

He would also tell BM everything DH and him talked about. It made sense now how she knew things that we never told her - we were blaming the kids when all along it was Jake!

This pissed both DH and I off, but again that whole Christian thing of forgiveness and "he's family" thing kept those bonds tight.

There are so many more things I could list about this guy and his attempts to break up DH and I and all his backstabbing ways - but I think you get the point..

About 10 months ago, DH found out that Jake knew DH's ex was a swinger and never told him! Jake would hint around about it when Dh would talk to him regarding how she and her husband would leave the kids home alone every Saturday night they had them and be gone from like 7pm till 5am.. DH and I were always like "where in the hell do they have to go every other weekend for that long??" Jake would say things like "ha ha, maybe they are swingers" and mess with DH's head about the possibility without confirming it..

I mean, uhmmm.. where is Jakes LOYALTY? Obviously with protecting info on DH's ex instead of telling DH what he knew.. maybe because he knew DH would lose it and bitch out BM and poor Jake would no longer be a part of that lifestyle with them.

Of course, DH was pissed and went off on Jake - this time he told him to "go to hell" and finally it seemed we were rid of this cancer.. I had 10 months of peace!

Until a few months ago.. Jake got dumped. I find this hilarious because he pretty much found an unattractive chick with no self esteem, who is an attorney and makes a lot of money.. that he mooched off of and used.. finally she grew a brain and tossed his ass to the curb.

Now, he calls up DH and is so "humble" and apologizing for "being such a jerk and he was just in a bad place, blah, blah..."

OF COURSE.. DH listens and lets him back in his life.. not in the same way, DH doesn't tell him anything personal about his life because he doesn't trust him..

I'm like what kind of a friendship is that? Why would you want someone like this in your life? I don't get it.

Even DH's mom is like this.. telling me to just forgive him and let it go. That he's family..

I'm like "hell no".. for starters, I don't just forgive people who made it their goal to destroy my relationship - especially an adult that had no reason other than his own jealousy to attempt this. I don't forgive people who try to turn people against me with their lies - again, I did nothing to deserve this either! I don't forgive people who deceive people I love and cause them grief. I don't want scum like him in my life. I don't give time to people I don't trust either - and this guy deserves no trust at all!! I don't like his character and don't give a shit if he is family. If he were my cousin I would have written him off a long time ago and never thought about it again.

Buuuuuut.. because I am not bought into the whole forgiveness thing, I am branded as mean, holding grudges, hatful.. etc.. So, I am alone in this dislike of Jake as everyone else in his family just loves him and wants him around.

I know I have to respect this - as they are family to him.. but it is soooooo freaking hard to not wear my dislike for him on my sleeve. Especially when he calls DH and texts DH all the time because he has no friends.. I'm sure sooner or later Jake will try to get DH to go have a beer with him.. Or he might even want to stop over.. the skids love him because he acts like such a bad ass (and probably more because they know I hate him).. I just would prefer he never come around my family again!

Any advice?