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What should I do?

Stepmom25's picture

Okay so tball and coach pitch are starting. Both SS and SD‘s team are having parent shirts made. My DH will not be at tne games because of work so he is not getting one. SS will be in tball and SD will be in coach pitch. I was wanting to get a picture of the back of our shirts (me and SD) and me and SS), but both will be at BMs house before game so I won’t have time to take any before. We all coparent great but I don’t want to get over the top taking that pic and posting it without BM taking some sort of pic with her kids first if that makes sense. Should I just take a pic of me with my shirt(s) and leave it at that? SD doesn't even want to play but her parents already paid for it so she has to play. I feel like since she doesn't want to play she won't want a picture. It was BM and SD's decision at first to play so I feel like if I take a pic with her then it would be offensive towards her. 

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yougotthis's picture

I'm a little confused by your story....You need to take a picture of yourself with your kids to submit to the team and then they'll put that on a shirt for you? 

Why are you wanted to get a picture of the back of "our shirts"? Are the shirts already made?

yougotthis's picture

Or do you mean you want to get a picture of yourself in your shirt with your kids in their shirts? I think that's fine to do at the baseball field, if the kids are willing and if you have a good relationship with BM. Will you talk to her at the game? You could offer to take a pic of her with the kids first. 

Texashley33's picture

Ugh I have terrible memories of me at SS's tball games. Me and my Husband helped coach SS's Tball team..and things were good until the BM would show up and pretend to care. For her it was a dog and pony show..She would stare at my figure, and try to find anything wrong with me. She just had another baby, but this time it was with her 2nd husband(they are divorced now too, with 2 girls) and she would say out loud.."gosh I need to get rid of this baby weight", so I could hear her.  I am very athletic and tall and thin. She's 5 foot 1 and i'm 5 8.5. She would whisper in her Mom's ear, and they would both stare at me..BM made a comment about my legs. Her Mom said "I wish mine looked like that" ..ever since I've been obsessed with my appearance.  Later she got mad and told me I had mousy brown hair, had a horse face, skeletor, butterface, etc. She also printed out a comic before the tball game, and she handed it to her Dad to hand to me..she and her Dad were laughing as he handed it to me..she walked off as I read it. It was a comic about divorce, and mentioned killing her husband, for making her do too many chores. I didn't find it funny at all.  I feel traumatized by everything. She would purposely dress up like she's going to a ball, with chandelier earrings and high heels etc. ..when everyone else was dressed in athletic wear. It was obvious she was only there to get attention, and try to look better than me. Since that didn't work, and nobody paid her any attention..she started copying my outfits, and then stalking me at my work.  If i can go back in the past..i wouldn't offer to help SS at all with anything. Period. I would never have met her. She kept stalking me and my now Husband, until I would meet her. It was creepy, and I wish it never happened.  

CajunMom's picture

Of course, coming from high conflict step life.....I would NOT be taking pics with SKs to put on shirts that will then be worn around the BM at the ball park. As SMs, we have enough mess to deal with in Step Hell without causing more for ourselves.  This one would not be worth it, in my opinion.

On the other hand, you say you have a great co-parenting relationship with the BM; I'd get with her on the topic. My children are adults now, and I get along great with their SM but I'd have been a bit shocked had she done something that without telling me. Co-parenting calls for complete transparancy among all parties. Just my thoughts.

Stepmom25's picture

I meant that I would just want a pic of us with the back of our shirts. Like the back of our shirts. (Name #1). If you got along great with SM, would you be offended if she posted a pic of SS and her showing the back of their shirts? 

Maxwell09's picture

It doesn't matter how well you get along with a BM, small things like posting pics with "her" children in matching shirts is going to get you into "frienemies" territory or if she's the passive type she'll start trying to compete with you to do things first, to post first, to be better of the two (since y'all are doing the same stuff).  
 

but it's your life, do it if you can handle the backlash because you're damned if you do and if you don't so do what you can live with