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What should I do?

Stepmom25's picture

My DH’s dad passed away yesterday. His brother and wife, his aunts, nephew, skids, BM and her husband (they came by so the skids could see their grandmother and dad), were all at his mom’s house today. When it came time for them to leave, SS4 said bye and hugged me, but SD6 didn’t. She hugged her dad, grandmother, and aunt. She hasn’t seen her aunt in a while so I figured that was why. Before that though, I was on the couch and she sat in my lap twice. It kinda made me sad that she didn’t hug me bye, but she rarely does. But, she did hug me when I seen her Saturday. We’ve never really hugged bye to each other. Idk if that’s just her being her or because BM was also there. Is this normal for a 6 year old? Do y’all think she still loves me? She has said I love you in the past, but here lately she hasn’t. I usually let her initiate. It’s probably because I’m not her biological relative, so it’s different for her. Any advice?


justmakingthebest's picture

Don't dwell on this. 

She lost her grandpa. She probably didn't even realize she didn't hug you. She was probably in her own feelings at that moment. 

CLove's picture

It ebbs and flows.

Munchkin SD14 will sometimes say "i love you", and sometimes not. Sometimes hug and sometimes not.

My condolences to you and your family.

charlieskeeper1's picture

Don't overthink this. She is very young, had a lot of people around, probably feels sad & confused & it may not have been intentional. Kids can be fickle. It's not like she us a malicious, trpublesome 16 year old who would be more self-aware. Let is pass. If she shows affection sometimes, that shows she is comfortable & cares & likes you.

caninelover's picture

It was not a 'normal' situation with the family gathered to mourn.  I would let it go.

ndc's picture

I rarely hug my parents, and I love them a lot.  Skids hug anyone and everyone, and throw "I love yous" around indiscriminately.  They come by it naturally, since both DH's and BM's families are like that.  Mine, OTOH, isn't demonstrative.  I will hug skids and DH's relatives, even though it isn't "natural" for me, and even though I rarely hug my own family members, because it's expected. I wouldn't read too much into SD not giving you a hug, especially under those circumstances.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why do you feel the need that something needs to happen since hugs goodbye haven't been part of your relationship in the past? And why is one instance causing you to question what to do?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

SD may have been confused by having you and BM in the same room at the same time. She is getting old enough that she may start feeling a bit of a "loyalty bind" - not wanting to hurt her mother by showing you affection. On the other hand, the whole situation was probably confusing for her, so she may have reacted differently than she normally would.

Why would you question her love just because she didn't hug you one time? That is putting a lot of weight on one action.

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

I personally would not have hugged her if my relative passed. She's the last person I would have hugged.