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Is it wrong of me to not want my step kids to stay the night if it’s just me?

Stepmom25's picture

My husband works in the evening, and the kids stay with me until their dad gets off, but I had already made plans to see my parents and sister. Is it wrong of me if I don't want them to stay with just me?


Aunt Agatha's picture

If you aren't the parent, then you have no obligations.  DH should have asked if you were free and able to watch them.  As part of the ask, you don't have to be available.  You have plans.  So he figures out another plan.  Because he is their parent.  

Stepmom25's picture

What if I didn't have plans, but just felt more comfortable with my husband there when they are. I get so anxious when it's just me and the kids. Is that mean of me?

BethAnne's picture

That's fine too. It is not mean to not want to be a free babysitter anytime your other half asks. Not your kids. Not your problem. 

Chmmy's picture

I geel the same vut but they are here 24/7. At least they are gone this weekend to their moms cuz DH is working all weekend.

NotThatTypical's picture

I'd say it depends on their age.

Its their home too. If they don't need you to parent than just let them be there but if they are toddlers than he needs to find a babysitter.

beebeel's picture

Nope. The age of the kids doesn't matter.

Like many situations, it's possible this is OP's home and was before she even met this man and his kids.

Ursula's picture

No it's not wrong. It doesn't matter how old the kids are. If your husband isn't there and you'd prefer to have the house to yourself instead of the kids being there that's fine. 

Thumper's picture

Can you look at the current court order?

Who is listed at the top? BM and Dh


BM, DH and YOU?

The names at the top should be present when children are present.

THEY are wrong to think their presence is not needed and expected.

please stop taking ownership of something that is not yours. Why do women do this?

Make plans, go see your family, or sit at home doing nothing. DH and BM are required to make plans for their kids, not you.


SteppedOut's picture


ldvilen's picture

Ah-h-h!  Just put on soft music of the theme from Psycho, and you'll be okay.  Sleep like a baby.

MumOfCats's picture

My DH works shifts, when we first moved in together he asked if I would mind if SD spent the night. He would put her to bed, I just had to be at home until he got off work at 8am then he'd get her up, no biggie. At first I didn't mind, then it started becoming part of the regular arrangement and I was no longer consulted. A few times she wanted to sleep in the bed with me because it took years to get her into a sleep pattern. Now she is a disrespectful entitled teen, I've put my foot down. If DH isn't here, neither is she. She's not my kid and this is my home. You give an inch, they take a mile. If she's here without DH and makes up some shit about me, well that's a situation I'd rather avoid. 

itshardbeingastepmum's picture

My advice would be dont make a rod for your own back, speaking as someone who has been there, done that and got several t-shirts. Unfortunately as a SM you dont get much thanks or appreciation (I do from my DH) however where my SS is concerned I didn't, his BM is just vile, but expected me to babysit for her whilst I was on MAT leave with my own child!  I did it all, I think deep down I just wanted to be accepted and liked and help out where i could.  Big no no, these days I make it perfectly clear to DH that it isn't my problem, I am not a babysitter and any arrangements for picking up/dropping off, if my DH has to work he will make arrangements for PAT-GM or aunties to have him, it's all down to him and BM to sort and arrange. Trust me, you will only end up getting PO & dont ever care more about the child than their own BP's! Good luck, stand firm.