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I need some insight on this

Stepmom25's picture

Okay I need some insight on this. 

So I am a very anxious person who worries a lot and has trouble with anxiety. (I just got prescribed an antidepressant so I am hoping it will help). Anyway, so BM got a faceless portrait as a gift from her husband. I didn’t know he ordered one and I got one also. She posted hers a few days ago, but I wasn’t going to post mine until later. DH comes home and looks at it and says, “I wouldn’t post it on Facebook. BM posted hers and if you do, it will seem like you only did it because she did. I know how you get also if someone says something negative on social media.” He’s not wrong how it would bother me if someone said anything negative. He also said if I had some kind of theme at my house and she did the same, I would get upset. I might. So, I’m not sure what to do. Should I save everyone the drama and not post it? I’m thinking about taking a break from social media anyway. 


Aniki's picture

Why can BM see what you post on social media???

If you're talking about fakebook - and you are 'friends' with BM - you can still post, but change the privacy of that post so BM cannot see it.

Floral_SM's picture

I agree, what's a faceless portrait? Why is BM on your Facebook? Why do you or your DH even care what her opinion is? No wonder you have anxiety, you need to block all of this crap out of your life with BM.

Step away from me's picture

I agree. There has to be more important things in life  to be concerned about. Having said that i understand the feelings of anxiety and best to stay away from social media in this case

CajunMom's picture

Why is BM even on your Facebook or any social media account? BM here (before she died) along with SKs have been blocked for years. I will ask, too, what is a faceless portrait? And I'm a bit confused on how both you and BM have one of these? Coincidence??? Either way, block that and find a way to get yourself to a point of not caring what that woman thinks of you. She does NOT matter.

lieutenant_dad's picture

There is a lot to unpack here, and I think it's all feeding in to one another. The big problem in all of this, though, seems to be your relationship with social media.

The question shouldn't be "should I share this or avoid drama?" It should be "why would this cause drama, and how can I mitigate it?"

I think you should absolutely feel free to share your gift. If there are folks who are going to be drama starters, then consider blocking them or privating your posts so that they can't see and engage with them. You don't need folks in your life who are just going to stir the pot.

THAT SAID, you also have to grow a thicker skin OR use that block feature more frequently. Your DH is right; if it's just going to upset YOU if people make rude comments, and you won't prevent the rude comments or let them roll off your back, then you need to not use social media. Social media is meant to be fun, and it shouldn't require advice like this. If it does require advice, then it means you likely have an unhealthy relationship with it and need to re-evaluate how you interact with it.

Now, something else you are going to need to work on is hating everything BM does. I get it. I think everything ET does in my life is malicious and dubious. But, it does tire out my DH when I think her breathing is a conspiracy needing commentary.

A good rule for yourself is, if it doesn't directly impact you or your household, you let it go. If she paints her dining room the same color as yours, what does it matter? She liked the color, you liked the color, there are generally only so many colors you can paint a dining room...get my point? 

Overall, it sounds like you have to stop taking things so personally AND set up some boundaries with folks. Block them, tell them to stop, call them out on their crap behavior, ignore them - all these are acceptable. Choose whichever tools make the most sense to you. But, if you can't do that, then you need to remove yourself from social media (and that includes browsing social media) and disengage from anything related to BM. If it's going to cause you problems, then you need to throw it all out.

Winterglow's picture

It looks like you both got given the same thing by the same person. Am I right? And if so, why is your husband giving his ex gifts.