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Confused and lost

Stepmom2017's picture

Hello, I am new at this so please do not judge. I have been a step mom to a little girl who is almost 3 years old since 2017. We used to only get her when her mom did not want to deal with her. (Which was like all the time, but her great grandparents get her unless they can not take her) Anyways, we just started this getting her every other weekend Friday-Sunday. My husband works over nights Tuesday-Saturday. So he sleeps during the day, in this case I watch her. I feel more like an under appreciated baby sitter then I do his wife or her step mom. I literally do everything for this child. I make sure she has clothes and everything she needs here so that her mom does not have to bring everything. When he is awake he lets her get away with everything and turns around and gripes about her moms side of the family letting her get away with everything. So that makes me look like the bad person. Her mom has hated me since me and my husband got together. She reminds me every day that I am not her mother and never will be. I can not have kids so of course that hurts more then it should. I do not know what to do. I feel confused and lost. I tried talking to my husband about it but he does not listen or just says "i dont know" while sitting on his phone which is does a lot. Can someone please help me? 

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

You have a husband problem. What would your husband do with his child if you weren't there? Tell him you want to be paid to babysit. 

I feel sorry for this girl because her father does not seem to want her.

theunseenstepmom's picture

I wanna tell you it gets better nut really you have to take it in strides. I have dealt with this same issue since 2017. Some days are better than others. 

 

Braven's picture

 Age 3 is a precious time I would certainly take this time that you get as you can’t babysit her and connect with her as she grows because years will go by and getting to her know her at a young age will give you a strong connection with her.  If you are his wife then the three-year-old comes with the deal and how much easier is it to have a three-year-old than a 15-year-old.  The father needs to talk to his ex of the way that she speaks to you and put her in her place!  Has been really needs to listen to your concerns since you both are going to be raising this child( whether your biological or not you will connect with her!)  grab a piece of paper and set some house rules and that’s no longer than six items that you would like for  you both to stick to four rules for the three-year-old. 

Kes's picture

Visitation is time for the bio parents to be with AND PARENT their biological children.  If your husband isn't there, his daughter shouldn't be visiting.   You say the child's mother "reminds you every day that you are not her mother".  When, pray, does she get the opportunity to do this? You should not be subjected to this.  Block her on whatever form of communication she is using to abuse you.  

Should you be in this situation at age 21? you should be out enjoying yourself. 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, I don't get men who have visitation when they aren't even there (or are asleep, in this case).  3 is a tough age for you to be dealing with her the entire time.  Let DH know you don't want to do this anymore - he can have her for a few hours when he's awake to care for her.

Chmmy's picture

Age 3 is a bad age. I thought my bio kids were wonderful during the terrible 2s. If this is the terrible 2s its not so bad...then 3 came along. Both of my kids were nasty 3 year olds but 4 was so much better.

I dont have a bond with my skids so I also feel like Im babysitting only they never go home cuz this is their home. They live with us 90% of the time so if DH is working and Im home Im the babysitter but they are 12 & 11 so its not like a 3year old but sometimes worse cuz 12 is a tough age too.

I feel the same way about the skids as I do when Im babysitting for cash. I feel responsible for their well being but just waiting for my time to be over.