Does anybody have serious problems with adult children and spouses
Have you been denied grandchildren and visits too their home? My DH is asked to come visit but not me, nor am I allowed to be in my own home when they come here to see DH. Anybody experiencing that? I am SM and SMIL and Step grandmother so that makes it easy for SDIL since I'm the evil SM in her eyes.
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Uhhhh, someone is trying to
Uhhhh, someone is trying to tell you when YOU can be in your own home?
NOPE!!!!!
Tell your DH that he can see his grandkid any old place, but if it's your house, you're not leaving.
^^^^THIS. Not a chance in
^^^^THIS. Not a chance in hell any mfr is going to tell me I have to leave MY home so THEY can be there. NOT. HAPPENING. Noses would be broken.
SS knows what that is like.
SS knows what that is like. Had nose broken in high school and while in military for exact what happened with me. Running off at the mouth. People just get tired of hearing someone yelling. He's yelled at me for the first and LAST time. No more expecting me to leave my home either! Thanks for your comment.
No, mine are not adults yet.
No, mine are not adults yet. I have told dh that it isn't me that the skids, bm, and his own maternal family will have to contend with in the future. I mean as in future weddings, graduations, etc. nope it won't be me at all.
It will be our biodaughters. I wouldn't have to say a word. I would love to see the skids or their wives try and tell my husband in the future that I was not invited or even worse yet our girls. We are a "package deal". }:)
I agree with the pkg deal but
I agree with the pkg deal but evil SDIL didn't even send my BD an invitation to their babies 1st bday party, yet invited my other family members to drive 2 hrs one way to the party. She hates my daughter as much as she hates me and lies and tells her husb, SS40, all these lies and he believes her and jumps down our throats and DH just stands there with mouth open, saying "I can't believe this, he's loosing his mind". My name was on invite but I believe it is just for show bec they called DH and invited him to visit week before party and didn't mention my name.
The first time SS wife came
The first time SS wife came after they blew up at me, she called DH and told him she was on the way to my brothers house and for him to come up there to see the children. I knew she had not been invited there because they were not even home..guess what, she called DH back and said "they aren't here", as if they were at fault for not being there. Her initial complaint with me is that she has never been invited to my house by me ("you are the hostess"). I told her I was not a hostess..I was a mother, sister, grandmother, and aunt and that DH had never failed to call SS and let him know if anything was going on and what time. This is not good enough for her but she doesn't consider that I have never been invited by her to their house. My husb always says that SS called and we were invited. Matter of fact my DH family lived 5 hours one way from us and I would have never gone to there because the invite always came from them to him. I would like to know what etiquette book she read...Miss two masters with PHD. This is only the tip of the iceberg with her!
"nor am I allowed to be in my
"nor am I allowed to be in my own home when they come here to see DH." :?
How in the world is this even possible??? How do you allow anyone to tell you that you can not be in your home because your SKs and their kids are visiting? I can kinda understand your husband or his kids being crazy enough to make such a request. I just can't wrap my mind around you actually going along with the request.
I do this because she then
I do this because she then will ask DH to come to her parents and he is so uncomfortable there because nobody talks and he feels like he is having visitation and being watched so doesn't want to do that again. You know it is his home too and I refuse to be treated as they did me the day the screaming and name calling started when DH would not stand up for me and I was alone with their lies and he thought son was having a nervous breakdown. I just visit with BD who lives near and isn't wanted either. They are in and out in less than 20 minutes...doesn't sound like they care to be here at all. I believe it is all show and wouldn't even come except this was part of her blow up. She found out that BD and I knew she had been coming for months and not letting DH know but would visit parents and people we know in church who would tell us (of course they didn't know that she wasn't coming around to see us). Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
That is such immature crap!
That is such immature crap! I am SHOCKED your DH allows that! Your SS is 40 and is like that? Sorry, but it's time to write that SS off. My DH would never allow SD to visit if I wasn't allowed to be in my own home at the time of the visit.
If SDIL is claiming that she is upset only because was never invited by you personally, go ahead and call her out on it. I would make formal invitations for a family dinner given specifically by you, and if she doesn't like it (because she won't) then say you heard the complaint and you fixed it, so it is now up to her to make amends. Your DH needs to respect you and say they will only visit the both of you, or neither.
Why on earth would they invite your family but not you? That's twisted.
I've learned that blood family is not necessarily worth the drama. I have a brother who is 12 years older than me. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. He threw a tantrum and cut off me and the rest of our immediate family. I will always "love" him and will happily accept him back in my life if he doesn't create drama. On the other hand, life has been much more peaceful without him. He's a 50 year old baby.
My SDthen15 tried to pull the "I will only visit you Daddy if Z3 isn't there" early in our relationship. DH nipped that in the bud. He didn't see her for a few months, but she never tried to pull that again. He told her he was the adult, and he gets to choose his life partner, not her. Your SS40 is not respecting you or your DH, and he's acting like a brat.
No more shocked than I was
No more shocked than I was that DH never opened his mouth. 30 years of marriage, raised SS40 since 12, never raised his voice to me, 1st and last time....that's one reason I leave when they come..IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN".
No. My DH would never go for
No. My DH would never go for that and my SD24 knows better than to exclude me. It would be a losing battle for her.
I wouldn't call it a serious
I wouldn't call it a serious problem that my son-in-law is a horse's ass. I can tell you his son (GS13, child of DD 34, my oldest daughter) misses out on a lot that GS14 (child of DS38, my oldest son). I can also tell you SIL is not welcome in my home. Sadly that means I don't get much opportunity to see GS13.
I don't dwell on it though. It's GS13 who misses out. My extended family life with grandkids, nephew2, and my other three kids continues merrily on. I even see SS and SGS18 who live halfway across country more than I do GS13. I'm certainly not going to kiss SIL's behind just to see my grandson. I do make the 6hr round trip several times a summer to watch GS13 play baseball (ball field , neutral territory) and I go spend an occasional Friday night in a hotel (DD34 lives next state over now for last couple years). It gives me a chance to take DD and GS out for the on Saturday.
As much as I despise SIL he is a decent loving father to my GS13 and DD seem to love the fool and be happy enough. That's what counts. SIL and I don't have to like each other and I refuse to allow his HC personality disordered self into my life. Works for us.
Word of advice for you. Do not allow your SD to run you out of your home so she can visit. She either comes and behaves herself or you yank the welcome mat. As to your DH visiting his daughter outside the home, that's up to him to decide. I will see being I don't let SIL in my home, I don't visit his home.
YSD and her husband moved to
YSD and her husband moved to a new house about an hour away. We weren't invited to visit for a eighteen months and then were asked to come to babysit. It was on a night that DH already had plans for so he declined.
I was then asked to sit by SD. I replied that I had often been told by step son-in-law that only family could babysit his children and he has told me many times that I am not family to his children.
Only family sits + I am not family = I do not sit.
SD then said that they'd let people they know well sit.
They don't know me that well if they thought that offer would entice me.
I would not leave my home
I would not leave my home eowe. No way in hell. But then again, my hubby would never ask that of me.
MSD isn't allowed in my
MSD isn't allowed in my house, so if DH wants to see her and her baby he will have to go outside the house to do that. I don't have an issue with her little boy coming over, if DH wanted to pick him up and bring him over but my DH isn't really the "Grandpa" type, so I don't see that happening.
Currently MSD isn't speaking to DH so even if he wanted to see his grandson, he can't.
OSD has 2 kids but she doesn't really come around. She whines and cries about how much she loves her dad and wants to see him, but then makes ZERO effort to see him. On the other hand though, DH doesn't make much effort to see her either.
The few times I have been around DH when his gkids are around he acts like they are Gods/Goddess and he has this goofy grin on his face like he is so proud and happy and FINALLY he can be happy and smile and I think in my head "Great another person that gets treated like GOLD the few times a year that you see them, while me and BS get half of that." YET he doesnt make a real effort to see his gkids. But when he does see them everyone better watch out because Royalty has entered the building.
DH has a crappy relationship with his kids and that is going to carry over to his relationship with his gkids.
These grandchildren mean so
These grandchildren mean so much to my DH that I'm ok with leaving house for 20 minutes. Maybe that isn't right but I will do it for him. I have thought about the formal invite to SDIL but after SS40 told my BD she was "dead" to him...I want nothing more to do with either of them. I do not intend to go to their home or be around them. I have not been able to hold youngest child but once and she is a yr old now and that has been SDIL. I have spend 5 yrs with older child but now its been 6 months since I've seen her. I am very disappointed in DH for not standing up for me and never expected SS to ever speak to me in such a way nor did I expect DH to react as he did. Anyway, it happened and I can't recall the day! Yes, it hurts a lot when a person is not guilty of what they are being accused but this has happened to a lot of people. My SDIL is toxic and evil. She thinks she is better than most people and presents herself that way. I believe in my heart she will blow herself out of the water with my SS but it will take a REAL man to walk away and if he continues to let her lead him around by the ring in his nose he is between a rock and a hard place. I am praying that "this to shall pass" but it is no longer in my hands, just thought someone might have some thoughts that might help.
Think about "helping DH out"
Think about "helping DH out" in a different manner. What it really is is his kids forced him into a terrible situation with their demands and your DH and skids are disrespecting you.
Thanks to all for your
Thanks to all for your comments!
I personally do not give a
I personally do not give a shit about SS30, his GF or the baby to be. It's not an issue of what "they" allow. It's an issue of what "I" allow.
I do not want anything to do with any of them EVER. I realize that the GF is a fairly decent person and the baby to be is innocent. But I do not choose to include any of them in MY life. There are billions of people in the world that I do not interact with. Let them be part of that.
My DH can go see them if he wants (unless it inconveniences me). He can spend a few dollars on token gifts. But they are NOT part of my life.
Works for me.
I enjoyed your comment
I enjoyed your comment notasm3. I am fine not being around SS and wife but I do miss their oldest child. They also have a younger one that I have never gotten to know so it's as if she doesn't exist. We live in a small town and SDIL has family here. SS lives 2 hr away. My SDIL tells all her family members what a horrible SM I am and talks about my BD too but nobody even cares that we have a story also. They are just like my SS, believe everything she says and that's the end of the story. Saw her gmother yesterday and if looks could kill, I wouldn't be writing this...lol