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Why would she take him back?

Stepdrama2020's picture

As I ponder my embarrassing focked up situation. I wonder why would the ex wife  (who is now an adulterous whore, cause he is still married to me) take my soon to be ex DH back? I believe their affair has gone on for at least 6 months or more.

If you have read my previous blogs I kicked the jerk to the curb Saturday night because he took SD and ex wife out for SD23 birthday dinner. I was not invited. I warned him if he went we are over. It was the last of numerous times I had been thrown to the wayside for the snotty SD and yes the ex wife. He actually said "sure you will" He was so certain I wouldnt. How wrong he was!

The SD has always wanted them back together. When we were first dating he told me him and his ex wife would fight all the time about their daughter. The wife would say you always side with her and ignore me. Well folks, he did that to me too. Does the ex wife think it will be different. Will she be ok while he runs circles around the spoiled snot, wine and dine her, while the ex wife sits at home chowing down on donuts to relieve her pain. That is what happened before BTW   *ROFL*

Of course I would never take him back. Yet I am human and grieving, so I have all these scenarios in my head and wondering WHY??? would she take him back. 

Also what do I tell co workers? I am thinking to keep it simple. "I left him". It is a smallish community so gossip is central . I am very embarrassed by the whole thing. 

I curse the day I ever met him. I gave him 10 years of my life, and 5 years of marriage. I have no children. Another lie. He said we could have a child once we got married, but excuse after excuse so we didn't. I am glad I had no children with him, but feel sad for me that I do not.

I wish I knew of this site while dating him. I know I would have chose a different path. 

Thank you for reading.

Comments

tog redux's picture

They'll break up quickly.  He just looked like prize to her because another woman wanted him.

Don't tell your coworkers anything, it's none of their business, ie, "We split up," should do the trick if you have to say anything.

Good for you. Block him and move on with life.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yep. When she no longer has to compete with you for him, he probably won't seem so shiny! Also, maybe she takes him back because she is an idiot, glutton for punishment, money, who knows? The fact is, she did, and he happily ran back to her. That tells you all you need to know. Your true life partner may be someone you've never met before. It is definitely not the guy who makes you feel jealous and crazy for having an issue with her, then immediately proves your fears were justified! 

Harry's picture

Turns him on ?  He wants his Happy Family Back.   He put of his mind ?

Disengage from him,  He to Brocken to be fixed.   

Stepdrama2020's picture

To all who responded and are supportive!

You are right let other people form their own conclusion. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Even that proves he is a crap husband though. If he really cared about OP he would stay anywhere but there. Guys like this mostly just care about themselves, and their kids because they see them as extensions of themselves. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Correct he would stay anywhere but there. He is an a**hole.  He has said before that the snotty SD is an extension of him. It really is weird.

Dovina's picture

your gain!!!  Buh bye to a horrible situation. So glad you chose to love yourself. You deserve so much better. 

Best of luck

You could always send the ex wife a box of donuts and on the card "enjoy, you will need them"  ;)  Loved how you described how she relieves her pain. For me its chocolate almonds Smile

 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Perhaps this was her ultimate revenge?

Let him get happy with someone else, seduce him, ruin his marriage, then dump him when it all falls apart. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

Stepdrama2020's picture

That is true...as ideas float in my brain.

Stepdrama2020's picture

For all the well thought out responses and support.

You are all truly amazing women. I shake my head to think any of us are treated so badly by these weird ex families. The more I read on here, the more I realize it is common. I used to think why am I so detested, I am trying my best. Iamwoman explained that well. It is not understandable.

 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

I am what’s known as ‘a bad picker’ so I am staying away from relationships, 

but I will say some men wouldn’t know a trap if it had a flashing neon sign on it saying trap. Some people just don’t process stuff. They don’t fully think through the consequences and then will do the ‘poor me I was duped act afterwards’. 

He most probably will try and get you to feel sorry for him at some point. 

Remember who is really is (not who he claims to be when sorry) when making future decisions. 

I fully support the others advice on no contact. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm also on the side of she wanted him because another woman found him attractive. Too many belive that their exes should never move on, but should remain single and pine for them until the end of time. 

You do not have to say anything to your coworkers - this is not work related! lol

Seriously though, if anyone asks and you feel you must answer, give them a vague answer.

  • "We grew apart."
  • "We wanted different things."
  • "It wasn't meant to be."

After all, it's no one's business but yours. {{hugs}}

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

She is an awesome resource for those who have been victimized by infidelity and really helped me heal. She describes what's going on . You are trying to untangle his skein of &uckeduoness. The ex is pick me dancing and he is looking for ego kibbles. He wants to triangulate and wants women feeling unbalanced for his attention. Go to her website or get her book. I promise it will help you 

ElleP23's picture

Just want to chime in with... I love this thread. Thank you for sharing your situation. It has a nice light at the end of the tunnel (though it's also really shitty, like SO shitty). His extreme choices have helped you move onto something better, faster. Also, I like the insight people are having about how mentally unhealthy people don't make sense unless you stoop to their level (and why do that?) and also that some people think their ex is their property. My stepdaughter's BM was like that. I forgot about that. And being the one noticing it (and other things) at the time, I felt like I was doing something wrong or being difficult or something. Sometimes the victim feels guilty or embarrassed. But we are on the other side of being victims now and should be proud of where we are and what we have learned.