Have to laugh because getting mad isn't worth the toxins!
So for about 3 weeks now - I have been planning a dinner on Christmas eve since that is what ASD#2 wanted (per her text messages back and forth with DH) who in traveling from out of state for holidays. Well I guess we got played. ASD#3 texts the ASD#2 who wanted this get together and ASD#2 response was "I have no clue what you are talking about. I didn't plan any get together at Dad's house."
Excellent! Neither am I! I told DH he is more than welcome to go meet her and her clan at an IHOP - I will not be going. I wanted the gskids to have a nice time and went through the effort of making sure they would have all their favorite snacks, cookies, etc. At first I was so mad - my DH said "f@C& it - we are not hosting anything - I am sick of the games and drama." I am sure nothing will be said to this drama queen because she is never held accountable by her BM, her BM's family, DH or DH's family.
The cookies I made and put in the freezer - they are now in the break room for all my co-workers to enjoy.
The snacks for the kids - are now in the collection buckets I have at work for shelters.
Gifts - DH said he is not buying anything - they will get gift cards. No stockings, etc.
Some may say "Don't punish the Gkids" - however, this is a way to give ASD#2 a taste of her own medicine. She wants everyone to buy her kids tons of items and make a huge production for her kids but yet she never contacts anyone for their birthdays or holidays or thanks them. DH said this time he is not going to call her when she gets in town to plan anything and we will be gone on Christmas Eve doing our own thing. I hope sticks with it because co-workers are enjoying the cookies with their morning coffee and I will NOT be baking anymore. (I did save some for my kids and gkids) and I have already shopped once because I wanted it done early. I will NOT be fighting any crowds for snacks - hopefully she packed plenty for the trip.
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What do you think her
What do you think her motivation was for asking your DH to plan an event.. then claim to her sister she had no idea about the event? does she NOT want to have it now?
Do you think that she meant that "she" wasn't hosting it.. that You and your DH were.. in response to her sister asking her about it? maybe a miscommunication.
No - that would be giving her
No - that would be giving her credit and an excuse. As far as motive - no clue with this one. No there was no miscommunication. She has a history of playing these type of games. When she arrives - everyone is supposed to stop what they are doing and worship her. Even her sister knew it was typical of her to make a claim that she didn't plan a dinner with her DH.
In ways I am thinking her
In ways I am thinking her hope was for me to prepare a wonderful dinner, have gifts wrapped and then as she has done in the past - not show up.
Enjoy your Christmas holiday and make note that this is the last time she gets to pull a stunt like that and you even entertain it. Your time, energy and effort are priceless and what she's doing is taking advantage of your kindness at your expense. Your H needs to address her ASAP and shut her rude @ss down. Every time she does this and gets away with it, it gives her the green light to do it again.....
Wishing you a wonderful holiday OP and continue to stick to your guns. She's not worthy of you.
I am not naive to say she won
I am not naive to say she won't try to pull something like this again but I am smarter this time and I do believe when DH sees I will never put in the effort again for something she has "planned" he will back me.
The rest of the family can give her the green light - I will not be.
I am proud of myself for not keeping the cookies and snacks for just in case like I would have in the past. DH knew I was taking them to work and he encouraged it - I am suspecting he might even tell her in a round about way that I did take them to work after she pulled her little stunt. I actually enjoyed watching my co-workers gobble them up and I know those snacks will be appreciated.
This type of thing has
This type of thing has happened with my own ASD's, and while they might get a taste of their own medicine, they never learn from the consequences. Their egos need fed by power plays and the thrill of rejecting someone else. They plot and come up with another scheme that doesn't work now that I am completely disengaged. You think they would stop plotting, but no.
My OSD is just like this. She's an expert at setting people up to chase her. When DH got tired of doing it and demanded respect from her, she cut him off for not Bowing To The Princess.
And of course months ago she emailed DH that her daughter wanted an American Girl doll with a bunch of accessories for Christmas. Even though she has little to do with him.
Mine hate that I have completely removed myself from their lives because now they can't play ping pong with my feelings anymore.
I hope you give an update as to what happens. Meanwhile, enjoy your peaceful holidays.
Yes the gift requests for
Yes the gift requests for birthdays! Love those. That is the ONLY time I am ever included. However, this year I didn't remind DH and again I must express he does not expect me to - the birthdays came and went. DH received a card in the mail for his birthday first time in years and this year mine came and went - no call, no text, no fake facebook birthday wish - nothing for me this year! LMAO!!
This stunt is not ruining my day - not ruining my week, month, or holiday. After the initial anger which only lasted about 20 minutes -I thought it was funny and realized I am off the hook and can enjoy my holiday. DH would prefer spending it at home with just the two of us. So I figure - we win.
You are lucky that you can
You are lucky that you can now see the humor in it and your DH is not expecting you to participate in the drama. These antics used to upset me but now just make me laugh. He and I don't even talk about it anymore. I just let him deal with his crazy relatives on his own.
The GUBM
cycle continues...
Well played. She's not
Well played. She's not getting a reaction out of either of you and that will disappoint her.
And please don't be anonymous gift givers. If someone wants a gift from you they need to have a relationship with you and be respectful. If she doesn't see DH, no gifts.
He on his own has already
He on his own has already started that policy. If they can't show up to either to the house or accept an invite to dinner - they don't get their birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. IF the kids who live out of town are not in town - that is different. I no longer shop for his kids or sign the cards.