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How DARE I not want SS15 at MY [birthday] party..

StepAna's picture

I'm having a house party with my girl friends for my birthday. Lots of drinking. Girl party. I would have gone out but...COVID. I told SO that I want SD10 and SS15 to be gone for the night. Something I never ask. He says he "understands" getting SD10 away (because she is needy as all h*ll) but SS15 "just sits in his room" and "he's been around parties before". etc. etc. For extra context, SD10 does not live with us most of the time and prefers to NOT be here so I think its easier for him to pawn her off.

I told him that I think its inappropriate and more importantly it's MY birthday. MY party. MY day. I'm a 26 year old woman who does not want a f**king teenage boy walking through the kitchen while I'm dancing with my friends and having him overhear our conversations. It's not appropriate. SO gets all flustered and angry that I keep pushing the subject throwing out random typical 'I am flustered and don't know what to say anymore' lines like "I don't care what you think!" He finally tells me "I already said I would do it so why are you bringing it up again?" With that, I dropped it.

He got them out last year for my birthday so I'm confident he will do it again. I'm just so irritated by his defensive daddy bulls**t. Its one night without your precious angels. You'll live. He's been getting a lot better but these moments remind me why I am disengaged for my own sanity. Haha.


Iamwoman's picture

If you're turning 26 and your DH has a 15 year old son, I assume your DH is much older than you?

It could be that your DH wants his son to be privvy to a girls' party as part of "becoming a man." Ten years is not much of an age difference and many teen boys find women in their twenties to be very attractive.

I could be totally off the mark here, but since it's obvious that your DH doesn't respect you enough to not throw a mantrum over YOUR birthday wishes, I wouldn't put it past him.

StepAna's picture

Yes, SO is older than me. I think you're close to the mark though! I honestly think its that he views his son seeing drinking, partying, girls, etc. as not a big deal because he's a boy; an older boy at that. He is "mature" enough apparently. While SD10 on the otherhand is the precious little baby angel who shouldn't see or hear other girls acting/talking this way. 

Also the fact that SS never wants to go ANYWHERE and god forbid SO inconvenience him. AND his friends/family seem to have no problem having full on parties with children around. I don't know if this is a cultural thing but in MY family, this is absolutely unacceptable... so I stuck to my guns. 

The_Upgrade's picture

The conversation when I go out with friends without DH is completely different with him sitting at the table. For starters, no venting to friends about the step-situation. Plenty of blended families around these days but god forbid anyone accidentally lets one comment slip about the double standards or eggshells. You can bet that if SS eavesdrops on a delicious tidbit he’ll never let it go. You deserve one friggen day in the year where you can spend with people who’ve got your back. May as well kick DH out with his kids for that day too.  

Winterglow's picture

"The conversation when I go out with friends without DH is completely different with him sitting at the table. "

Of course it is, but they don't understad that. Many years ago, I was invited to a Lesbian friend's birthday dinner party and, for reasons I do not know, she also invited DH. There were 12 of us around the table and he was the only male. He was stunned and shocked by the time we got back to the car because he "had no ideas that women spoke like that or said things like that or told jokes like that". Welcome to the real world, DH! I had a great evening!

susanm's picture

Well that sounds like a fun, you friends, and DH and SS lurking in the background eavesdropping.  I am sure you will all feel completely comfortable letting your hair down and speaking your minds.  "How about those COVID infected Marlins and isn't this weather something?  Where did you get those shoes, Joan?  I simply MUST get this dip recipe!"  

I'd reschedule for a time when you can have the house to yourself or move it to a friend's house if possible.  Even if he does get rid of SS for the evening, you know that he is likely to hear something he does not like and make a mountain out of a molehill.  Not worth it.

tog redux's picture

Honestly, that sounds like how most of my parties go, lol. But I'm a lot older than 26. Smile

susanm's picture

As am I.  My wild party days are fondly remembered but are quite a ways back in my rearview mirror!  However, I would not be thrilled at the prospect of getting together with my friends and having to watch my words because of a "little pitcher with big ears" regardless of alcohol consumption.  My own skids, and DH for that matter, were masters at twisting the most innocuous comment into something sinister aimed at them or BM.  It is not an issue for me now but I vividly remember being in OP's situation where it was impossible to have a private conversation in my own home.  

StepUltimate's picture

That is one more thing I do NOT miss about being an Active-Duty SM.

Celebrating two years since LAUNCH! this month!


susanm's picture

It really is paradise, isn't it?  While there are obviously still issues, not having them in the house looming like soul-sucking black clouds is awesome.  I remember BM freaking out about SD hearing me talking trash about her and that causing chaos for a good 3 weeks.  I was totally baffled until she happened to quote a specific phrase and I realized that she had overheard me talking to my sister on the phone about a co-worker with whom she was having difficulty.  But nothing could convince them that the conversation had nothing to do with BM.  From then until the day SD moved out I took all personal calls at my office or in my car.

Congrats on your launch anniversary!!!!!!  Smile

Kitten Whiskers's picture

I wouldn't reschedule.  I'd hand DH a reservation at hotel for him and his kid, and tell them not to come back before 2 pm the next day.  That's enough time to get a grip on hangovers, take some ginger ale and saltines into the bedroom, and close the door.  If they don't like it, they can deal.  

Cover1W's picture

I've cancelled girls get togethers or changed location because YSD will be here. I know she listens because she's naive enough to tell me or ask me about what she hears. Even if I'm taking with my neighbor on her deck! (If the breeze is blowing in the right direction I'm verrry careful)

So I get why SKs shouldn't be there, esp. on your b-day.

Gimlet's picture

Is it THAT hard to spend a night away with his son?  It's not like you're asking for the moon here.