Never dealt with an ex until now
I am remarried for the third time and my two previous marriages did not have any children prior to me. Now the man I married has a 4 year old daughter whom I have grown to love and enjoy for the past year that we have been together and married. The issue is her bm.. She was living out of state when me and dh got married but recently moved back here so custody could be shared more equally. Anyway she calls my dh all the time not to really talk about their dd but to talk about their past she went to my dh's work one night (he works at a bar/rest.) and proceeded to come up to him and tell him how she is disappointed that he married me and that she is sorry she ruined the relationship they had and she wanted to have another baby with him and asked him why he got my name tattooed on his arm, He did not respond much to her or as far as I know he said he didn't say much to her but then she asked him not to tell me she was there and what they had discussed, he did but I have since then asked him to let her know that he has told me that he is loyal to me and not to her but to this day (its been over a week now) he has not said a work to her about it. She is constantly leaving rude messages on our answering machine cause she knows I am the one who will be checking it but when it comes to exchanging her dd with us she is nice to my face and I want to slap her. I feel as though she is driving a wedge between my dh and I. I don't know what to say to my dh it is driving me crazy I am a little hurt he has not told her and he has spoken to her many of times since then she calls everyday when I am at work (how convienant) I just can not stand this woman and I am having a hard time dealing with all of this.. HELP
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tell him if he doesn't deal
tell him if he doesn't deal with her properly then you will. That no matter how it happens there has to be a change. Then without saying anything to her start recording everything she says and does.After you have built up ebough "evidence" to charge her with harassment confront her with it and tell her if she doesn't stop you will take action.
Sometimes the threat is enough to put someone in their place.
Make sure you have a plan if she doesn't stop after the threat because if you threaten her and don't follow through she will only get worse just to annoy you.
Let your husband know that while he might not be affected by what she's doing you are and therefore your sense of security and your relationship with him is suffering. Ask him how he feels you should handle her harassment. You might get a surprisingly useful answer when you address the problem instead of the emotion.
Good luck and welcome to the world of crazY exes...IT SUCKS!!!!
Lisa Dawn
RE:
I have a different outlook on this than holeekrap. I think the best thing to do in this situation is nothing at all - especially for you. This woman is trying to get a rise out of you and start drama. She probably doesn't even want your DH back. It's all about you, honey. If you let her get to you, you're handing her victory. She asks him not to tell you because she knows he will, and she knows he'll tell you that she asked him not to. This is her way of trying to manipulate you into jumping on her and causing more drama. She's rude to you when no one's listening because that's when she can get away with it without looking like the bad guy. She's playing nice to your face because she wants you to be the one that brings these negative things out into the open for everyone to see. Of course she'll be cordial during exchanges of SD. Why would she want to make herself look like the bad guy in front of her daughter? If you're the one that goes off on HER, then YOU look like the bad guy to SD. I think the best thing to do is kill her with kindness. Keep the lines of communication open between yourself and DH so that your trust for him doesn't waver and you know he'll tell you things when they happen. It may help for him to tell her that he's committed to you, but I don't think that's even necessary. Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes downright ignoring someone gets the point across better than telling them how you feel. Your DH is committed to you. You know that. She knows that. Giving in to the drama is only allowing her to drive that wedge between the two of you. Try to take her actions for what they are - the desperate attempts of a jealous woman to get under your skin. You don't need to waste your time on that!
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
My way
I don't know about you but me personally BM has my DH cell phone so if she wants to leave messages then she can call his cell phone. I don't use my home phone nor do my friends call my phone. Everyone who knows me gets my cell phone number. BM was leaving crappy messages on my answering machine at home and quite frankly I got sick of hearing them. She left messages just to make digs at DH and Me. The only reason we have a home phone is that BM can contact her children. The phone is in my name and I won't pay for something that is going to be used to abuse my husband and I. She can leave messages on DH cell phone but she won't because she really doesn't want to talk to him. We have no problem now, the answering machine is long gone now may it rest in peace
The court ordered she can have phone visitation at reasonable times and reasonable hours. Well when we leave the house we forward all phone calls to his cell so she can't say she has no access to the kids. She hates that. She'd rather leave the nasty messages on our answering machine. Not a word ever was said to her we just did what we wanted.
Don't allow BM to have ANY access to you. I don't and it is great. DH is the one who has to deal with her and she refuses to talk to him.
Nymh and Cruella
make very good points. With our BM, the more I engaged in conversation w/ her, the worse she became. In part b/c I would laugh at her whenever she said something to make me jealous. She called me numerous times and left messages on my answering machine teling me that her and DH just had sex or that I needed to let her have HER husband back. Mind you, I entered the picture 3 or 4 years AFTER they got divorced.
Once I quit speaking to her, and my DH only talked to her about the kids b/c if she went on about something else he simply hung up, she got really bad for a while, leaving nasty messages and so, until she kept getting no response and finally she quit, except for the occaisonal threats. I don't think it ever completely stops.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.